Thursday, October 05, 2006
Pixellated Rebellion - Week Of 10/4/06
Welcome back to Pixellated Rebellion, the long winded corner of The Fake Life. If you can make it through the whole column without falling asleep and/or not feeling you wasted valuable minutes of your life then you're a very special person!
FRIDAY NIGHT FLAMES: GAMEFAQ
Lazarus: Welcome back to Friday Night Flames, I’m Lazarus Punchshadow.
Chip: And I’m Chip Tigerlaser, and I think we’re in store for an exciting night for the Console War season.
Lazarus: You’re absolutely right, Chip. With the next generation of gaming literally firing giant Hadoukens at our doorsteps there’s no better time for classic flame war bouts than right now.
Chip: Let’s just hope we see some famous back and forth here at the renowned GameFAQ arena.
Thread: How is Sony going to counter MS' Xbox 360 announcements...
TeamNinjaFan
Posted 9/27/2006 11:37:01 PM
and the many exclusive games? Not to sound like a fanboy (I'm a PS3 fanboy btw) but according to the press, this has been a great year for Xbox 360 (E3 2006, Liepzig, TGS 06, and ongoing X06).
How is Sony going to counter all of this? As a huge PS3 and Sony fanboy, I'm getting worried.
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Biggest PS3 fanboy of all time, me!
Saving money up for: Premium PS3 (around $900+)
Chip: You see...see, that’s what we call...we like to call that the “Cheddar Cheese Fake Shake” It was made famous by...uh, that uh...what's his name?
Lazarus: D00m♥hal023x, from when he did that famous move and pretended he was just an elderly woman looking for cheese online. It looked like he would lose that 2003 flame war on IMDb, but everyone believed him and let their guard down for some terrible flames.
Chip: Let's take a closer look at this move here.
Lazarus: Ah, Chip we-
Chip: Now, you can see, with the...with the lines here he's making the swerve. No one's gonna see that coming when he comes up the middle with that second fake shake. Problem is uh, when he's uh...coming in with the bottom fake shake in the sig, it makes the whole move too much. Any first year flamer's gonna see right through that.
Lazarus: Thanks for that, Chip.
Chip: G-gonna see...gonna see right through that.
Lazarus: Yes Chip.
Crimson4
Posted 9/28/2006 1:59:12 AM
and the many exclusive games? Not to sound like a fanboy (I'm a PS3 fanboy btw) but according to the press, this has been a great year for Xbox 360 (E3 2006, Liepzig, TGS 06, and ongoing X06).
Great year? The Xbox 360 has only managed to sell five million units so far, which is pathetic. It is dead in Japan, enjoys extremely sluggish sales in Europe and even in the US it is still being outsold by the PS2. At this rate it will only be able to sell 20-25 million units within the next four years, which is what the original Xbox has sold within the same time frame. When it comes to games, the announcements made during the X06 prove even further that the Xbox 360 is a poor man’s PC. All of its games can be played on PC in better quality. No real fan of System Shock will opt for the Xbox 360 version of Bioshock; the same with Oblivion.
Lazarus: Crimson4 comes out of nowhere here with the classic "angry intellectual" defense and backs it up with partial facts. This move is a proven failure if you're not an actual intellectual, I can tell you that much.
Chip: It's a common mistake...because you um, you have this...this guy writes a long post that will confuse people with uh, lesser vocabularies. But if you get...if you get a veteran forum member or someone with average intelligence, well, they'll cut right through that and tear it to pieces. It...it...it is a proven win when you're dealing with a bunch of dumb kids.
Lazarus: Otherwise it leaves you open for strong counters from smart posters. Luckily there aren't too many smart people on GameFAQ.
Chip: That's very true, Laz.
Lazarus: Don't call me that.
Enjeti
Posted 9/28/2006 2:37:33 AM
Heh there's no reason they can't both do well (Playstation 3 and XBOX360) and from the looks of things so far, they will both do well. Microsoft has a great service with XBOX Live and some nice exclusives, and Sony has the cheapest Blu-ray player in the world and also some really awesome exclusives.
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"I am like the driftwood on the whitewater currents." - Ryu Hayabusa
Chip: See, this...this right here is the kind of guy who has no place in the middle of a flame war.
Lazarus: Neutral Nancy’s are always out of place on forums like this. They're not unlike newborn babies in the middle of a drunken heroin soaked mosh pit. It can only spell apathy or danger from the other posters that are typing their keyboards into the ground with indignation and pride.
Chip: This post deserves a closer look here.
Lazarus: Wait, why?
Chip: You can see right here that's he...he's just...well he's just flying like a magical Batman of indifference right into a bat cave of drabness. It...uh...it's all right there. And wraps it all up with a quote from Dead or Alive which...well, is a lot like a goth girl putting in a quote from Sandman. You expect it...but, uh, it's still sad.
Lazarus: Jesus.
jon davis
Posted 9/28/2006 9:17:13 AM
proof that TNF isnt a PS3 fanboy,
TeamNinjaFan
Posted 8/30/2006 5:07:17 AM
message detail because he's not a fanboy. that's why. lol.
I'm not a fanboy either. I just like to mess with the people in the PS3 general board. Especially loudassninja. lolz!
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Gamertag: Escobar4LifeX
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"Strength is the only thing that matters in this world. Everything else is just a delusion for the weak."
Ramsus082
Posted 9/28/2006 9:58:37 AM
That's not proof that he's not a fanboy, that's proof that he is a troll.
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"Its hard being right so often, when guys like Dpatal and Ramsus continully sprout crap with nothing backing it up"-Methos75.
Chip: Now, if you're going to be a troll...it, well, it's imperative to always keep your intentions overtly secretive. It's..it's all in the Internet Troll Handbook.
Lazarus: Well you're right for a change, Chip. Any good troll always pretends he isn't one, no matter how obvious it is. Just goes to show you that even GameFAQ trolls aren't too bright.
Chip: You're darn right, Laz. You're darn right.
Lazarus: I told you not t-
Chip: Darn right.
TRAILER ROUND-UP OF DOOM
With X06 now long over and my laziness and procrastination finally conquered, I can now post a few of the trailers that caught my eye during the whole event that I was not present at but should have been because I'm more important than you. Click on the titles to get HD trailers or to see more videos from the same game.
Assassin's Creed (X360/PS3/PC)
As a fan of the Prince of Persia games and the free running puzzle action it bears within its delicious Persian coated shell, I find Assassin's Creed a compelling step up from that same parkourish dynamic. It also has weird inclusions in its gameplay like "social stealth" where you hide within crowds and use your body language to hide your intentions. Along with that is an odd control scheme, where each trigger and button on the controller controls a different limb of your body, allowing you to do wacky jumps and leaps around the full fledged environment.
If that isn't enough the producer of the title is Jade Raymond, a lady who gamers seem to drool over and have creepy obsessions with. Myself and other humble parties came to the conclusion she is not that attractive and has a Frodo type demeanor to her, making it more and more distressing that gamers will find sexual attraction with anything that has a pulse and was not deformed by acid or something.
Stranglehold (X360/PS3/PC)
Akimbo pistols! Chow Yun-Fat! Doves! Watch Asians fly through the air from a shotgun blast and land against a giant shank of meat in a butcher's shop! Be glad John Woo did this instead of Spy Hunter or the Metroids movie!
There isn't really much to Stranglehold. It's the sequel to the great and awesome Hard-Boiled where you take up the dual pistols of Detective Tequila and start shooting people and laughing while doing it. Along with this you can go into the now infamous bullet-time and slide along on tables and banisters while things blow up around you. What they do not show in the trailer is the sort of "super bullet-time" where you spin around unloading your pistols and doves come out of nowhere for no reason. No, I am not joking.
Being a whore for the Max Payne games (which this pretty much is but with bigger booms and "massive destruction"), I will most likely play this far too much.
Bioshock (X360/PC)
Spiritual successor to System Shock 2 is about all I need to say to get most people in on the Bioshock hype. To be honest I never played System Shock 2, and I really wasn't that impressed by the Bioshock walkthrough they showed. I will admit they have neat ideas, like the Big Daddy monster and the 50s era underwater utopia. This little trailer shows the sort of cinematic/FPS feel they hope to achieve. They also seem to want to break all the FPS clichés and make the game a lot more open ended. We'll see how this one turns out, but I must admit it does look neat.
NOT SO WORTHWHILE RELEASES OF THE WEEK
Neverend(PC) – October 2, 2006
This game is some kind of under the radar roleplaying game that people found interesting for some reason. I have no idea what it is about. All I know is you play as a female protagonist with awkwardly rendered breasts. And that for some reason this screenshot from it is kind of funny. It's like he's painstakingly analyzing the sullied polygons before him.
So I don't know about this game. I'd wait until more reviews show up. I guess. Leave me alone.
Gangs of London (PSP) – October 3, 2006
This is based off The Getaway game so that should give you a red light automatically. You drive around and shoot people like in GTA. Unlike GTA everyone is British. I imagine it's really authentic and shit, like Guy Ritchie movies.
Desperate Housewives: The Game (PC) – October 6, 2006
So if you buy this game you're pretty sad. I can't imagine you would get this for entertainment or for sexual stimulation. If you want that just play Sims 2 and make someone who looks like you whose career is having sex professionally. Such a thing is probably a reality for 0% of the people reading this. Anyway, I can't even find the main site for this, so that should tell you something.
GAME OF UNHEALTHY ANTICIPATION
God Hand (PC) – October 10, 2006
God Hand includes such incredible features like a special move where you spank a woman opponent into submission. I really shouldn't have to say anything beyond that. In fact I won't, mostly because I don't want to type anymore.
So in conclusion, you punch people in this game, then spank some chicks. If you don't buy this game you're gay.
Just a big fat gay.
Come back next time when I'm not as lazy with the column and don't take as long to get one finished. That probably will be never so I guess this is so long!
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