Friday, June 09, 2006
HULK SMASH BRAINS!
Personal opinion alert: I loved Hulk. I know a lot of people do too, perhaps not to the extent I do. I pretty much consider it the best live-action comic adaptation (Batman: Mask of the Phantasm still takes the overall spot), and I see it as an amazingly brave, powerful and misunderstood piece of work.Now the bad news.
The buzz for another Hulk film has been around for a while. Now, according to AICN who have the skinny from Avi Arad, it's coming in 2008. But it won't be a sequel. Let Our Avi explain:
ARAD: (edit) …a lot of people are looking forward to the comic book version of the HULK. That’s the one we are making, and I think it will be incredibly satisfying. It will be big and awesome and a big ride.
iF: So will you be recasting HULK with completely new actors?
ARAD: It’s a “do-over”. I loved the HULK movie, it was just a different approach, and it wasn’t exactly the comic. We want to be much closer to the comic. It’s what we would rather do.
I.e. we were too stupid to understand it, and therefore are going to dumb it down for the same braindead fucking pituary idiots who loved Daredevil, and who are creaming their pants for Ghost Rider. This is weak sauce, especially considering the momentum that had been gained with quality Marvel movies (the Spider-Mans, Hulk, X2). I just hope it won't be directed by Mark Steven Johnson.
To help sweeten this very sour news, there's a big semi-naked picture of She-Hulk hiding behind the little thumbnail. It's not a huge consolation, but hey, the green goddess in her birthday suit is better than nothing, right?
Source: AICN Continue reading HULK SMASH BRAINS!
Washer-Dryer Attacks Earth
Over in the Middle East thousands of people are dying in a war based on lies. A war where the leaders speak of liberation but only bring destruction. A war where the leaders speak of sacrifice but only send the children of others to their deaths. The real reason for this war is that Michael Bay is making another movie and he needs enough petrol to fuel 2 hours of explosions.The teaser poster for Transformers has been released and it gives off a strong smell of Independance Day, with a slight undertone of Aliens Vs Predator (mostly coming from the sucky tagline 'Their War. Our World'). Independance Day was both the biggest film of the year and completely stupid, and I see no reason why Transformers won't be exactly the same. You can check out the movie's website here: http://www.transformersmovie.com/
Now, I maintain that Independance Day is only rubbish when there are humans talking which is not a fault Michael Bay, finally given a project where his beloved shiny cars can do the talking, is likely to make.
Witness global warming in action when Transformers is released next summer, but for now, click on the picture to see the teaser in a bigger size.
Source: AICN Continue reading Washer-Dryer Attacks Earth
Thursday, June 08, 2006
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – A Vanity Fair Spread
I’m not one of those nerds that had an immediate spasm of hatred ripple through my sexy frame at the notion of a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I saw it, I enjoyed it, I noted it’s many deficiencies (which were nowhere located on Jessica Biel), and I moved on down the road. In my McPlayplace, remakes don’t infringe on the greatness of the original. I still have my (TWO!) DVD’s of the original and if the remake brings people to the original, then it’s served the greater good indirectly.
Now the trailer for the prequel has reared it’s perfectly photogenic deformed head. And I have to honestly say that my reservations are even more underscored...in neon green highlighter. Let’s face it: no matter how many dirty houses, no matter how many junkyards, or shots of rusted farming equipment these movies are beautiful. Too beautiful. There’s a faux patina of filth that is deafening. Granted, the name Michael Bay following the ‘Produced By’ credit should alleviate any notions of subtlety, BUT COME THE FUCK ON.
This is a drastic misinterpretation of the original. And it’s success, in all fairness, cannot be duplicated by Big Hollywood. There’s a quasi-malevolent relationship coagulated between the filmmakers of the 1974 classic and the audience that is seriously undermined by the remake. For starters, when ever I see Jessica Biel or Jordana Brewster, or, for fucks sake, R. Lee Ermey I’m fairly well aware that I’m in Movieland and if I’d like some delicious Sno-Caps I should head for the snack bar. The original, made mostly on the mafia’s dime, seems fucking dangerous. It feels like something you shouldn’t be watching. Its low-fi shittiness isn’t an arch aesthetic choice but dire necessity. The actors are miserable, the crew under the gun, the Texas sun scorching them to the bone…this all translates into that deep sense of dread that permeates every scene. Not to mention the growing frustration with the Vietnam War, the end of the 60’s and a laundry list of stuff that I didn’t intend to write about when I started writing about this crappy trailer.
So, if you really want to support this blatant money grab here’s the trailer and fuck you. Continue reading The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – A Vanity Fair Spread
Gojira’54 – Voted Most Likely to Step On Your Condo
The original Godzilla flick is lumbering to DVD finally. After a whirlwind theatrical re-release that scrubbed the film of future fatso Raymond Burr, the correctly titled GOJIRA is arriving on September 5th. This release marks its first appearance on American shores. The two-disc set seems particularly light. GOJIRA is remastered in high-def and the American reedit is included. A couple of commentaries by bigger nerds than you (a feat!), a collectible booklet, and a slideshow of various theatrical posters are available for you to enjoy once then forget about. Look for the discs to be in a circular shape and glimmer like a rainbow if you hold it up to the light just so. MSRP is marked as $21.98, which will probably shake out to being Dollman cheap at your local video hole.
ETC.
Source: DavisDVD.com Continue reading Gojira’54 – Voted Most Likely to Step On Your Condo
Fuck Hollywood, Part 154
Never underestimate Hollywood. We all know that they're eager to remake any film that comes their way, whether it has subtitles or not, as we've recently experienced again with The Omen. However, a new remake idea has arisen, one that has Hollywood's trademark stupidity all over it. Read on, and get your sickbags at the ready.According to AICN, the American remake of Battle Royale is going ahead. That's right. BATTLE. ROYALE. For the uninitiated, Battle Royale is a piece of genius by the late Kinji Fukasaku, which took a very subversive look at violence in schools, with heavy criticism of the competitive Japanese school system, which was never released in the US, either theatrically, or on DVD. So naturally, it's ripe for an American remake, right?
What makes it doubly worse is that it's being produced by Neal H. Moritz, otherwise known as one of the geniuses behind XXX, The Fast and the Furious and generally 90% of the utter fucking shit that stenches up our cinemas each week, which usually makes it impossible to see any films that don't star fucking Queen Latifah or Rob fucking Schneider unless we want to travel to an arthouse cinema, many of which seem unlikely to remain much longer anyways. So, we have a very harsh and full-of-social-commentary drama being remade by a guy who probably thinks it's more important that cars be as shiny and "street" as possible as opposed to telling a story that doesn't make me want 9/11 to happen to Hollywood.
Do me a favour. Just rent the original fucking film, and don't pander to this bullshit. Because it's just not worth it.
Source: AICN Continue reading Fuck Hollywood, Part 154
Whoever Wins, We Lose: Again
Joy! News has come screaming onto our desks today from IGN FilmForce, who have discovered that a director(s) has been chosen for the sequel to that 9/11 of franchise films, Alien Vs. Predator.
The person responsible for this new journey into xenomorph hell is not a siamese twin, but rather two brothers, comically named Brothers Krause, otherwise known as Colin and Greg, who have confirmed the news on their website. What amazing and stunning films have these people directed before that saw them get such a choice job that everyone in the 'Wood will be jealous of? Well, nothing really.
Yes, they're music video directors. Although let's be fair, one of the greatest directors of our time (David "SE7EN" Fincher) came from music videos. But then again, so did Michael Bay. But neither of them were responsible for a Linkin Park video, as were the Brothers Corsican with "Crawling," which won several awards I'm told, despite being a total rip-off of Tool's videos (and if you have a mustache, yes I'm aware that Tool videos have a similarity to Bolex Bros and the likes, but unless you're a moron, they didn't just rip them off full force).
The Brothers Grimm also are visual effects artists, having worked on such luminaries as X3, The Day After Tomorrow, and Titanic. I suppose that would put them in good stead for an effects movie, but let us not forget Mark A.Z. Dippe, ILM effects man who was put in charge of Spawn, and subsequently delivered the worst violation in the cinema world since Fatty Arbuckle got busy with a Coca Cola bottle. I'll be honest, I'm one of those idiots who actually think that with the right people, an AVP movie could be amazing. Especially if it was treated like National Geographic: LV426, as opposed to Paul Anderson's bullet-time expose.
Oh well. We'll see what happens.
Source: IGN FilmForce Continue reading Whoever Wins, We Lose: Again
Summer Preview 2006 - Part 6
Superman ReturnsThe Cast? Brandon "Who?" Routh, Kevin "DETECTIVE!!!!" Spacey, Kate "No-Margot" Bosworth. Directed by Bryan Singer.
What's It About? A life-affirming story about a young boy who takes a journey through adulthood while learning about love, in the face of an abusive father, set against the turmoilish backdrop of 1930s Alabama.
Well, no, it's fucking Superman. The story goes: It's been a while since Superman II (III and IV no longer exist, thank fuck) and he's been away from Earth for a while. For some reason, he decides to come back, and finds out Lois Lane has been knocked up, Gene Hackman has turned into Kevin Spacey, and no one really needs him anymore. Or so they think...
Will It Suck? Difficult to say. It looks great. There's a slight bit of artificiality in some of the shots, but Superman flying looks amazing. It looks more and more like Spacey is playing Hackman's Luthor here, and a lot of the success will depend on whether audiences of today can accept the boy in blue and his boyscout appeal, and whether it'll work when the John Williams theme isn't behind it (luckily, composer John Ottman will be using it). The weak link thus far is Kate Bosworth, who doesn't seem a whole lot like Lois Lane, but we'll see. Personally, I think it'll be a blast.
PathfinderThe Cast? Karl "Eomer" Urban, Ralf "German Dude In Gladiator" Moeller, Clancy "HOLY SHIT IT'S THE KURGAN/MR CRABS!" Brown. Directed by Texas Chainsaw Fuckup Marcus Nispel.
What's It About? Best I can figure out, a bunch of Vikings fight a bunch of Native Americans. As the Vikings leave, they leave a kid behind, who gets raised by the tribe. When the Vikings return, he has to decide his destiny, and whether to fight for his ancestors, or the people who raised him. As far as I know it means actual Vikings, and not the guys from Minnesota.
Will It Suck? I'm a sucker for Viking movies, and I've been waiting for a good one for a long time (no, The 13th Warrior was shite.) God forbid I put my faith in Marcus Nispel, who decided to take one of my favourite horror movies and tear it a new asshole (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake), but the trailer actually looks pretty good, as does the cast. Karl Urban was awesome as Eomer in LOTR, and I feel if he's actually given some proper meaty roles, he'll do fine. Ralph Moeller has always been a good supporting actor, and Clancy Brown, well, it's fuckin' Clancy Brown. The man was the Kurgan in Highlander, Sargeant Zim in Starship Troopers, and Mr. Krabs in Spongebob Squarepants. He's a fucking legend.
Snakes on a PlaneThe Cast? Samuel L. "Do Anything For Cash" Jackson, Kenan "Ken Foree's Son" Thompson, David "Whammmmmy!" Koechner. Directed by David R. Ellis.
What's It About? From IMDB: "On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes." Nothing more needs to be said.
Will It Suck? The Internet seems to have taken this on as its own movie, mainly because of the response it got from the title. The nerds out there have caused this movie not only to keep the original title (it was at one point renamed to Flight 121), but also a hail of reshoots designed to up the gore and take it to an R-rating. I couldn't care less, really. If this movie hadn't been taken on by the internet, it would have been destroyed by the geeks, but since they think it's their movie, they're rooting for it. David R. Ellis has a history of making lame geekout movies (Final Destination 2), Samuel L. Jackson hasn't made a really good movie in a while, and this movie doesn't look like it'll change either, really. Still, maybe it'll be the kick in the ass they need to make good movies.
What does the rest of the TFL crew have to say?
Bill Nolen
Superman Returns: Hello, biggest draw for me this summer. What's that? Yeah I want to like you, but I'm not sure your lead actor's Chris Reeve impression will be enough to win my love. Hmm? No, I think Superman is supposed to look like a dorky gay guy to a small extent. He's never going to be as cool as Batman or as exciting as Spidey. Come again? Oh fuck off, will you? I can't stand co-dependency. I'm sure lots of people will watch you and give your DC backers a reason to stay in business. Now run along and be a good movie.
Pathfinder: Crazy German Marcus Nispel directs a movie about vikings, and Clancy Brown plays one. Also, there is an actress named Moon Bloodgood playing a character named Starfire. I want to see this NOW.
Snakes on a Plane: Is this a joke?
__________
Andrew Clarke
Superman Returns: I Heart Gay Jesus!
Pathfinder: The 13th Warrior was good, right? Right?
Snakes on a Plane: I hope everyone who made a Snakes on a Plane joke at some point is forced to watch this.
__________
George Merchan
Superman Returns: The latest trailer has gotten me pretty excited, especially since it showed more of Spacey as Mista Lutor as well as a better sense of size and scope, of which I was concerned with for a bit. Will it be as grandiose as a Superman film in this day and age needs to be without sacrificing great character and drama? I hope so. And I think Singer and co. can do it. I just wish they had cast someone more visually appropriate for Lois Lane, to be perfectly honest. Nevertheless, I'll be there opening weekend.
Pathfinder: Vikings! Eomer! Moon Bloodgood? Yeah, why the fuck not?!
Snakes on a Plane: I can't wait for this movie to both completely bomb and be completely terrible. It'll again prove that most people on the internet are worthless and not funny.
Not us, though.
Never.
__________
Katanga
Superman Returns: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" flies into space.
Pathfinder: Does going to see viking movies make you gay?
Snakes on a Plane: Will there be anacondas?
__________
Carlton Stevens
Superman Returns: One of two things I'm looking forward to this summer. The last two trailers are great, everyone looks like they're doing good acting, and Singer is finally able to have enough room to breathe when it comes to money and time. It'll turn out quite well, but I'm a skeptical pussy so I'll way until I see it to pass ultimate judgement.
Pathfinder: Vikings are the new ninjas and pirates, so this is mandatory viewing. Oh, it'll probably be pretty sucky, but Clancy Brown and Karl Urban (who is making many bad choices when he's actually pretty good) are in it, so that's enough to motivate me to rent the DVD.
Snakes on a Plane: "I need more work!" yelled Sam Jackson to Christopher Walken. "Well, just do what I do," muttered Walken, "be in a whole bunch of shit movies and play a parody of yourself all the time."
And Sam Jackson pondered.
And Snakes on a Plane was born. Continue reading Summer Preview 2006 - Part 6
Revenge of the Bacon
I’m ancient enough to remember the gritty run of revenge/vigilante movies in the 70’s and 80’s. Films like Ms. 45, I Spit On Your Grave, 10 to Midnight, The Toxic Avenger and Death Wish, the granddaddy of them all, gave would-be attackers and random gang punks (most of them fried out of their minds on goofballs or some other hard drugs) a thing or two to think about before they picked on average law-abiding citizens, nerds, or women in secluded places. Death Wish was the most successful film of that lot, eventually giving birth to a passel of increasingly horrible sequels and making Charlie Bronson the physical embodiment of vigilantism in the world of film.
Kevin Bacon has less experience with revenge movies (unless you consider Footloose an act of revenge against all humankind) but he’ll soon get a chance to start his own franchise with the movie adaptation of Death Sentence. The novel of the same name was written by Brian Garfield, the same chap who wrote the Death Wish novel (never let it be said that I can’t tie up a news article in a neat little package). Death Sentence, coincidentally or not, involves a man, played by Bacon, who seeks revenge for an attack on his family by gang members. Way to expand your thematic scope as a writer, Mr. Garfield.Actually that isn’t a fair statement on my part, and I apologize simply because I love the shit out of vigilante movies. Not that I believe taking the law into your own hands is the right thing to do in real life. But man, wouldn’t it be hard not to pick up a large pistol and mow down some thugs if your wife, daughter, son, or tender body orifices were brutalized? That’s a chamber full of lead projectiles put to good use. Bacon has the presence to pull off a movie of this sort. As long as there are no dance numbers.
Source: The Hollywood Reporter Continue reading Revenge of the Bacon
French-Style Trailer: Arthur and the Minimoys
It’s about time Luc Besson directed an animated feature. The frizzy Frenchman, famous for his slick visual style in such films as La Femme Nikita and The Fifth Element, breaks away from the more mature subject matter of his past work to make a family-oriented film about a kid named Arthur (played by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’s toothy star, Freddie Highmore, who is one film away from knocking out the My Character’s Name and the Something trifecta before growing his first whisker). The story revolves around Arthur’s search for treasure in the miniature world of the Minimoys, a species of creatures that live in the small places of the Earth. Arthur must find the loot in order to keep his grandfather’s house from being torn down.Yeah, that sounds sorta like The Goonies, only with less kids. Give it a chance, though. After all, it’s Besson we’re talking about. A French language trailer is now available over at Yahoo! France. I had no idea there was a Yahoo! France. The animated parts of the trailer look like a cross between A Bug’s Life and a Japanese RPG videogame that I’ve probably never played. I don’t mean to imply that a combo like that is a bad thing. The animation looks first rate. Check out the trailer here.
Source: Yahoo! France Continue reading French-Style Trailer: Arthur and the Minimoys
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Zhang, she is gorgeous!
Spicy Beijing hot dish Zhang Ziyi, fresh off of the mainstream success of Memoirs of a Geisha, has signed a three-picture deal with the Weinstein Company, that pair of high-powered producers who have made it their life’s mission to fuck up perfectly good Asian films for a living. Seriously, if these guys think they can remake any Kurosawa film, especially Seven Samurai, they each deserve a nice kick in the colon. Why can’t they have a fetish for Dolamite movies instead? To hell with it, I could rant about that situation for days.
Zhang’s first feature for the Weinsteins will be a live-action remake of the well-known Disney animated film Mulan, which really isn’t such a bad concept in theory. The script is written by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Wang Hui-ling, which gives one the feeling that it might just turn out okay. Filming is set to begin in February. Her second movie for the Weirdsteins is rumored to be the thick-headed Kurosawa update.
After digging up and pissing on Kurosawa’s moldering pate, who knows what American-sian atrocity will come next. A live-action Hong Kong Phooey movie? Charlie Chan vs. Mylee from Kickboxer? Red Chinese Sonja? You make one up now. Whatever you dream up, it won’t seem too bizarre in a few years.
Source: Variety Continue reading Zhang, she is gorgeous!
Nic Cage Likes To Bangkok Dangerous-ly
Remakes, remakes, remakes, remakes! That’s all movie news is about these days. I’m so goddamn sick of talking about remakes, and it makes me wonder if we stopped talking about them, would Hollywood stop making them? No, they wouldn’t because, somehow, rehashing a popular foreign film or a well-known classic is less risky (but more cowardly) than spending the same money on a new property. As a movie fan, I’m disgusted with the current state of mainstream cinema. It’s a good thing independent films are getting proper financing, or I’d snuggle up to my DVD collection and forget that new movies exist.
Now. Nic Cage. Once an actor who took some chances, he’s now the glossy poster child for Hollywood artificiality. Sure, he still turns out a quirky role here and there, but for the most part I’ve written him off as an actor to watch for. The same goes for Travolta. No more comebacks, Johnny. According to Variety, Cage will next shoehorn his leathery mug into a remake (!) of the Thai film Bangkok Dangerous. The notorious Pang Brothers (The Eye) are set to direct the movie a second time. Expect more English to be spoken this go-around. Cage will play a hitman who goes to Bangkok to kill a few people. Along the way he falls in love with a local dame (played by Tony Jaa in an ironic twist…okay I made that up) and develops a friendly relationship with an errand boy (played by Tony Jaa…).
I have not seen the original film, but I imagine it’s full of the Pangs’ trademark visuals. Hopefully their keen directing instincts won’t be diluted by the Hollywood machine or blinded by Cage’s gleaming choppers.
Source: Variety Continue reading Nic Cage Likes To Bangkok Dangerous-ly
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
DVD Commentary: A History Of Violence
By Andrew Clarke, George Merchan, Bill Nolen, Carlton Stevens, Charlie Brigden, and Katanga
Session Start: Wed May 31 15:21:23 2006
Carlton: Okay everything works now. I can be as lazy as I want.
George: Yes!
Carlton: The computer to TV hookup was just acting wacky.
George: Oh wow. I'm just watching the flick in a tiny window on my comp.
Carlton: I was just being really lazy and trying to play the film through the network from my computer to this one, instead of just hooking up the DVD player.
George: "through the network"
George: That's awesome.
Charlie: Carlton is really Fisher Stevens from Hackers.
Andrew: I liked that one too.
Carlton: I'm Emilio Estevez from Mission: Impossible.
Charlie: By night, his name is DeAtH_fRoM_aBoVe.
Carlton: RiNGW4ri7h
Charlie: aRaG@Rn
Katanga: Fisher Stevens from Short Circuit is better.
Andrew: I was so naive when I first saw Hackers I thought the video had fucked up when it starts with the small screen 'in the past' prologue.
Charlie: I was so naive when I saw Hackers I thought it was good.
Andrew: It is.
Andrew: Well, maybe it sucks. Leave me my memories.
Katanga: What movie are you jackals going to savage?
Katanga: Superman 3?
Charlie: A History of Violence
Katanga: Make note of Maria Bello's girl parts... someone... don't let them go uncommented.
Carlton: She's no Naomi Watts.
Andrew: Dude...
Andrew: Fantasise about both.
Carlton: Not a Bello fan myself.
Katanga: When that guy gets shot and his jowls fly apart...someone insert "Katanga: LMMMAKLJDFHFHKAUSSDAO!!!"
George: LOL
Charlie: She's no Kari Wuhrer.
Charlie: "Katanga: She's no Zelda Rubenstein."
George: Wuhrer needs to be a pin-up, asap.
Charlie: We should devote a pin-up just to Scarlett Johannson's tits.
George: That would be a two-parter.
Carlton: Who can concentrate on Kari in Sliders when John Rhys Davies is right there...
Andrew: John Rhys Davies is no Brian Blessed.
Katanga: NO ONE IS, SIR.
Carlton: John Rhys Davies should play all of John Rhys Meyers parts, like in Match Point.
Katanga: And Velvet Goldmine.
George: Hahaha.
Charlie: I hate those fucking Australians.
Carlton: Except Naomi Watts' nipples. They're good people.
Charlie: Is someone going to do a newspiece on the Decepticop car?
Andrew: No. I only do crap news items. Not quality like that.
Carlton: I did my Transformers piece. It's your turn... or Gusset's. He hates things.
Charlie: I vote Andrew, because he clearly has dodgy pictures of Arcee on his hard drive.
Katanga: BUMBLEBEE OH NO!
Andrew: See. I told you. He's a MINIBOT.
George: Well, I'm too in awe of the reality of the whole thing to write about it.
Charlie: I'm too in awe of 'To enslave and punish...'
Andrew: For Michael Bay, that's subtle.
Charlie: I wonder what the audience is.
Andrew: Me.
Katanga: John Frankenheimer bore Michael Bay just for this movie. I love it.
Charlie: I still don't get why they didn't make him a Beetle.
Carlton: To suppress his homosexual undertones?
Katanga: 'Cause that's a Nazi car!
Andrew: Beetles are gay.
Charlie: So is Shia LeBeouf.
Andrew: Michael Bay is too. Just very repressed.
Andrew: I remain surprised that Hitler signed off on Herbie.
Katanga: Did we determine the actual spelling of the Transformer sound?
Andrew: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Katanga: 9
Charlie: It's like a twisted version of the Jason chanting.
Charlie: ki-ka-ka-ka-ka-ker-ka
Katanga: No... it's crunchier than that.
Andrew: I always thought it was more tch tch tcher cher.
Charlie: Ok... add in a few Kong growls.
Charlie: And pretend you're Scottish.
Charlie: (Tapestries?)
Andrew: Sean Connery doing an impression of a Transformer would break english.
George: http://www.transfan-asylum.org/sounds/sounds.htm
Katanga: http://www.geocities.com/prime357/Gestalt1.wav
Charlie: I love how The Transformers: The Movie had a whole Of Mice and Men thing going on with Grimlock and Kup.
Katanga: Hahahaha.
Carlton: Hahaha.
Andrew: I'm doing a political commentary on Stealth by the way.
Andrew: It's a better satire than Starship Troopers.
George: Unintentional satire?
Andrew: Death of the writer dude.
Andrew: And in Cohen's case, we can only hope.
Andrew: I watched an interview with him talking about how he used cubist techniques in the editing of XXX.
Andrew: Now that's unintentional satire.
Katanga: Hahahahaha.
George: No shit.
Carlton: And I saw that Cohen interview. There was another where he bragged about how he understood the culture of youth, and tried to prove it by showing off all his tattoos and how in touch he was with teenagers.
George: I'm going to apply that same Cohen logic to Howie Mandel.
Andrew: Wanting him dead?
George: Well, yeah.
George: But mainly because they annoyingly look like twins.
Carlton: Cohen looks like Howie Mandel's obnoxious brother, what with the shaved head and pierced ear.
George: And it's even funnier considering what Mandel looked like 10 years ago.
Finally, Mr. Nolen enters the room...
Bill: Shall
Bill: We
Bill: Begin?
Andrew: Y
Andrew: E
Andrew: S
*** Katanga has left the chat. Fucker. ***
Bill: Katanga left?
George: Yeah, he was just in to say wassup.
Bill: He can't handle the Cronenberg.
Andrew: Wassup wit dat Bumblebee shit yo? It's whack.
Andrew: He Heart Bumblebee.
And at last, the film begins...
George: "New Line Cinema presents"
Charlie: This is such a killer shot.
Carlton: When I first saw this I was really hoping that was Lance Henriksen coming out the door. And this is a wonderful setup.
George: I love the pacing of this scene.
Andrew: I have grown to like C (Cronenberg)'s look.
Charlie: It looks like Roy Scheider. Bear in mind, I'm watching this on a four-inch window screen.
Carlton: Three people left about a minute into this beginning at the theater because it was too slow.
Carlton: I think they went to go see Roll Bounce.
Bill: Fuck those three people.
Bill: That cicada sound is unsettling.
Andrew: It looks low budget. Simple, almost unthought out.
Charlie: That's what's great about Cronenberg. The movie isn't doing ANYTHING and it's already unsettling.
Andrew: Yeah. Just point the camera and shoot, as if nothing is happening.
Charlie: He's a genius at atmosphere and mood.
Andrew: Like the street scenes in Spider. They reshot it again and again, because it didn't feel right, everytime doing it the same except with less extras walking.
Bill: Hot mornings are not fun.
Andrew: They ended up with no extras at all.
Charlie: I never saw Spider.
Carlton: I've actually only seen this and a bit of The Fly, so I need to catch up. But I remember The Fly just being down right unsettling when I was a kid.
Andrew: C is paying attention to everything.
Charlie: As a good director should.
Bill: His earlier movies felt more sterile in a way. More Canadian.
George: That's true. I got that sense when watching Scanners the other night.
Charlie: It's so pared down, which makes it unsettling because we're just not used to it.
Andrew: Hmm, that shirt doesn't look worn.
Andrew: Sorry. Film sucks.
Charlie: Just the little touches. Checking for change in the pay phone.
Andrew: Ooo! Blood!
George: It's great direction.
Bill: This movie feels very Americana.
George: Which is completely part of the point.
Andrew: And this is all genre. We expect bad things. He's giving us nothing. Playing with expectations. The result is tension.
Charlie: The way it's all so casual, which in effect, sets up Viggo later in the film.
Carlton: I just love the pacing way too much. Slower starts with a general build up of tension and all around wonder of what's going on was always a bit more impacting to me than those films that just explode on the screen.
George: It's that juxtaposition that makes all this.
Bill: Plus, no score until right... now.
Andrew: The music in this scene with the bodies. It's not BANG! Scary bad things!
George: Bad child actor. Good thing he kills her.
Bill: This is brutal shit.
Charlie: You can't always get Dakota Fanning.
Charlie: Maybe she was cast by George Lucas.
Bill: It should've been the kid from Jerry Maguire.
George: Haha. Directing kids must be a weird thing.
George: Relying on offscreen cues and such.
Bill: You have to trick them to get what you want, I bet.
Andrew: Yeah. Once you learn it's all done with them copying their parents, it's weird and creepy.
Bill: At least it's not that brat from The Ring. He'll star in the remake of Peeping Tom some day.
Andrew: Also - once you realise that all cartoon animals have human eyes - that's creepy.
George: THE SHAGGY DOG!
Andrew: Eurgh.
Andrew: Tim Allen too.
Charlie: I almost thought the Hobbit theme was coming in then.
George: It totally sounds like it. Same few bars.
Andrew: Nothing's happening.
Charlie: FORESHADOWING.
Bill: Viggo is a quiet actor.
Charlie: He's always so understated
Carlton: Makes him incredibly likable.
Andrew: Except when he kicks that orc helmet in The Two Towers. He broke his toe in that shot and that shout still sounds lame.
Andrew: Sorry.
Bill: I hate Taurus stationwagons.
Charlie: It's such inobtrusive camerawork
Charlie: It doesn't feel at all like the usual voyeuristic POV.
Andrew: Still nothing's happening.
Bill: "I'll bang you on the stairs later."
Bill: Great diner.
George: That's shot entirely in studio, btw.
George: The outdoor simulation is perfect.
Bill: Some of the best food in the world is served in diners.
George: I love what Cronenberg says in the commentary about the uniforms in this baseball scene.
George: Originally, the colors were reversed, with Viggo's kid and team having the blue shirts, etc.
George: OMG PSYCHOLOGY!
Bill: That's budget savings right there.
Andrew: How could the bully think he's scored a homer when the good kid is standing in te middle of the field?
Andrew: It was an obvious catch.
George: Maybe Viggo's son is notorious for sucking at sports.
George: In fact, he mentioned it himself at the breakfast table.
Andrew: The good kid didn't even have to move.
Andrew: Movie sucks.
Bill: That fool should have been running.
Charlie: Again, lack of score.
Carlton: Which I like.
Carlton: Perfect for setting this scene. Makes you feel just as uncomfortable as the son is.
Bill: Remember the guy in the porn basement in Se7en? That's who this kid looks like.
Bill: The guy running the booth.
Andrew: Good kid is way too eloquent for his age.
George: We had lots of kids like that in high school.
George: Eloquent.
George: Nerds.
Andrew: They get beat up a lot?
George: Actually, no.
Carlton: I would have ended up bloodied and bruised on the floor.
Carlton: And in a fetal position.
Carlton: Crying.
Andrew: Are we getting close to the cheerleader scene?
Carlton: Yeah, quite close.
Bill: What a burn.
Carlton: "Your words are far too elqouent and charming, you faggot!"
Bill: "I can't even beat you now. Asshole!"
Andrew: So what is the score? It sounds like quiet fanfares.
Andrew: Triumphant music, almost.
George: "We never had a chance to be teenagers..."
George: YOU SLUT!
Bill: Cheerleader scene is coming up.
George: Knickers!
Charlie: It's almost like the kind of music you'd hear in another movie.
Charlie: I love that she flinches when she pulls the belt off.
Charlie: And it hits the wall.
Andrew: Carlton, you still not a fan of Bello?
Carlton: Jean Grey using her mind to do it was hotter.
George: Well, Famke is just hotter period.
George: I love how playful and innocently this is played.
Bill: Until they go down Route 69.
Andrew: I still think a lot of these early scenes feel forced. Slightly fake.
Carlton: I also recall in the theater a 5 year old girl being there with eyes wide open during this scene...
Charlie: I like how it seems forced.
Andrew: This could all be deliberate to show the facade of polite American life.
Andrew: And stuff.
George: I think so. There's definitely a somewhat idealist view of classic Americana on display here in the beginning.
Bill: The subtext is that she is playing a role, and so is he.
Andrew: But Bello does all that and is natural.
Andrew: And hot. And naked.
Carlton: Maria Bello needs to eat a bit more food. Then I'd be more impressed, Andrew.
Bill: Guys in high school never go down.
Andrew: I'm a bit on the fence as to whether this deliberate niceness and, well, dullness, is a bit on the nose.
Charlie: It's almost mirroring Cronenberg - as if he's uncomfortable with the normal stuff, but when it starts getting heavier (at least for a mainstream Hollywood pic), he relaxes.
Bill: How romantic. They kissed naughty parts.
Andrew: Slurp.
George: It is a mirror. With the stuff later on in the film especially.
George: And I do think it's entirely deliberate because it lends even more impact to the latter stuff.
George: It's really all about contrast.
Carlton: "I love you. We'll get some awesome rape in later."
Andrew: Now, we always try to look for what is forbidden.
Andrew: And the one thing we don't see here is Vig cock.
Carlton: This city reminds me far too much of mine.
Charlie: I think this dialogue sounds a bit too "written" (the two teens).
Bill: You know that in a Cronenberg movie, when he sets up this much happiness, he's going to tear it apart big time later.
Andrew: And it is - It's 'Happy'. Hollywood happy. American Dream happy. And it feels fake.
Bill: Not all sensitive goofballs get sexy chicks like this one.
Charlie: The look the guy in the truck gives... just like Tom Sizemore in the diner in Heat.
Carlton: A lot of the teen stuff is a bit unatural, but not so much that it's distracting.
George: Love the bully's reaction to the two guys.
Andrew: I think that we wouldn't accept it anyway. Cronenberg didn't need to play up the fakeness.
Bill: That other guy looks, and acts, like Giovanni Ribisi.
Andrew: If the fakeness is deliberate. I really don't think the good teenager's lines are even remotely real.
Carlton: I swear that guy is Lance Henriksen.
Bill: Henriksen held out for more money. So they used his stunt double.
Charlie: I think it depends, because we're not coming from an American viewpoint.
George: It's certainly an approximation, but I think it's pretty close. At least in my experience.
Charlie: Kinda looks like Ming.
Charlie: This guy is real creepy.
Andrew: I keep getting told that all those American high school movies are like documentaries.
Andrew: And we English snobs laugh at them for beng too soapy and over the top.
Carlton: Henriksen requested some french fries with his cheese sandwich, but Cronenberg didn't have the resources.
George: Best utterance of the word "coffee" ever.
Andrew: Violence soon.
Bill: Strider wouldn't take that abuse.
Charlie: That bit with the dude's jaw.... that's some crazy shit.
Carlton: That jaw is fucking awesome.
George: Fantastic stuff.
Carlton: I love the work they put into making it. You can tell Cronenberg cared about every bit of that scene.
Andrew: Hmmm. Not so impressive in freeze frame.
Andrew: You can tell it's just makeup OVER his cheek.
Bill: Spoil sport.
George: YOU MEAN THEY DIDN'T ACTUALLY SHOOT LANCE HENRIKSEN IN THE FACE???
Andrew: I suppose I'm not supposed to freeze frame it.
Bill: Come on, Andrew. Be a movie fan.
Bill: It's fun.
Andrew: Well there are better tricks you can do.
Carlton: When Andrew hates it, he actually likes it.
Bill: Viggo's eyes darting around tells the story.
Bill: Here's Bello.
George: This I love. The whole celebrity of his actions.
Bill: "Way to kill those foreigners, Tom."
George: Hahaha.
Andrew: Nice. Vig's reactions do play differently when you know the twist.
Andrew: He's not just tongue tied.
George: The son's so proud of his murderous father.
Bill: That truck almost said WKRP.
Andrew: He's got some internal stuff now. Nice.
George: This look at the window coming up...
Carlton: This movie is even more interesting the second time around.
Bill: Mark of a good movie.
Andrew: Instead of WTF twists like Switchblade Romance (High Tension).
Carlton: ED HARRIS!
George: It's amazing how Viggo goes from being so sweet and tender to straight up creepy with just a change of glare.
Andrew: He's both in one look now - He's the gangster looking out from underneath the nice guy, seeing if the mask has slipped.
George: Ed Harris is incredible in this film. And I love how the gangsters (the goons especially) are portrayed as caricatures of gangsters from American films.
Carlton: This time around you see the latent awkwardness and everything. His swag is slightly different. Just has an all around depth to it all.
Andrew: I like the Ed Harris eye.
Bill: He's got the evil eye.
Andrew: Though, you know, if Joey HAD ripped his face off with barb wire, the eye wouldn't be there any more.
Andrew: Pop!
George: Hahahaha. I just love how the gangster cronies speak.
Bill: It could be a fake eye?
George: Maybe it's a new one, and he couldn't afford a better one.
Andrew: Why'd he get a fake 'white' eye?
Bill: It's got a milky iris.
George: TO INTIMIDATE, ANDREW!
Andrew: Oh. Right.
Carlton: I always hear tidbits of LOTR in Shore's music now.
George: I hear it in his pre-LOTR stuff too.
Charlie: Some of The Silence of the Lambs stuff has it.
Andrew: Now I don't know about you, but I'm interpreting all of Vig's acting as Joey just hiding behind Tom now.
Charlie: Well yeah, he's been hiding since Philly.
Andrew: But Cronenberg takes pains NOT to spell out which is the real him.
Andrew: Cronenberg always just shows you a situation and asks you to decide how you feel about it.
Bill: Is Superman really Clark Kent, or vice versa?
Charlie: He's really Superman.
Carlton: Vig pulls it off perfectly. Just little movements and expressions. Like how he's not that surprised about all this when the Sheriff lays down all the info.
Charlie: The way he gets his name wrong... 'John' 'Joey'.
George: The concept of time isn't well established I think. And it doesn't need to be. It's up to the audience to figure out. But the fact is that he's been Tom for 15-20 years, or at least however old the son is. After so much time, at what point do you fully begin to believe your own lie. Would you? I think that's fascinating to consider.
Andrew: Like Crash getting into so much trouble for it's 'morality', when the film is all about morality - it's asking you how YOU feel about what you are seeing.
Andrew: Cronenberg never judges.
Andrew: But I'm seeing it totally as Tom just being a mask.
Bill: Does this movie fit into his "flesh" theme?
Andrew: Depends.
Andrew: Flesh is always a metaphor for Cronenberg.
George: It fits into his "something waiting to burst out of you" theme.
Andrew: What George said.
George: Bello is very good here.
Carlton: I need to see more Cronenberg films.
Andrew: Yes. You. Do.
Bill: In a way, Joey's flesh made him bad, and he's been trying to shed that skin all along.
Andrew: That might be a bit TOO obvious, Bill.
Carlton: Well, they said in the "making of" that this is the same sort of struggle and transformation that's seen in all his films, just internal.
Andrew: Yeah. Transformation. Identity. That juicy stuff.
Andrew: By the way, has anyone seen M. Butterfly?
Bill: Yeah.
Andrew: Woah. Completist. Any good?
Bill: It's interesting, but I don't remember much about it. The movie that is. I saw the stage play as well.
Andrew: Vig's performance is awesome now that I know the twist.
Bill: Don't tell your wife to grab a shotgun, then burst into the house like that.
Bill: Who eats Honey Bunches of Oats?
George: I heart HBoO.
Andrew: Bad kid actors eat it.
George: But he's not bad, though.
Bill: That's a cute kid.
Carlton: Kids with supressed emotions eat Honey Bunches of Oats. It makes them call people "cocsucker motherfucker" louder.
George: