Saturday, July 29, 2006
Pixellated Rebellion - 7/29/2006
Welcome to Pixellated Rebellion. You probably clicked the wrong link and are looking for useful information like DVDs you should buy or why you shouldn't hate The Village anymore and instead hate Andrew more. If you didn't I feel sorry for you, because you're about to willingly read about video game politics and World of Warcraft starting a genocidal crusade on Koreans and Chinese. You make me sick, actually. Freak.
THE COMIC-CON VOMIT BAG
A giant amorphous cloud of pure green stench was seen over San Diego this last week when the infamous Comic-Con took place. The stench was the result of sweaty, sweaty nerds in hot and sticky costumes clamoring for a peak at a pasty Kristen Dunst and a taste of Michael Bay's table scraps. Luckily, someone launched a rocket full of AXE over the convention center to stop the dangerous smell from bringing havoc across the western seaboard. This purveyor of video game news stayed safely in his small nonexistent city thinking up tired nerd jabs while it all went on.Though Comic-Con is no E3 when it comes to video games, it usually has its fair share of interactive addictions there for the common gamer. This year was no exception as several games both large and small in stature made their appearance at Comic-Con.
Castle Crashers
The Behemoth, makers of the terribly fun and visually compelling game Alien Hominid come back with the same hand drawn magic and nostalgic flair that made their first game so popular with Castle Crashers. Anyone who spent hours enjoying the old beat-em up games of yore probably is going to find this at least interesting. I myself am a sucker for the genre, but I'd be hard pressed to find too many that are worthy predecessors to such classics like Cadillac and Dinosaurs and Knights of the Round. Even that six man X-Men game that was in every single arcade known to man and featured fucking Dazzler is better than most contemporary additions to the genre.
Apparently they showed a preview of the first level at Comic Con (available to see here), and from what I have read everyone is pretty excited about it. They also are releasing it through Xbox Live Arcade, making it all around easier and cheaper for everyone involved. It's games like this that make me wish I had an Xbox 360 and three friends, because like all gamers, I'm a fat and lonely hermit.
Marvel: Ultimate Alliance
Ever since E3 everyone seems incredibly delighted about the new game from Raven Software, makers of the fun and popular X-Men Legends series. To follow that up they seem to have raided every Marvel comic character known to man (it has Uatu!) and have thrown them together in the action RPG Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. Everyone from Silver Surfer to Namor is playable and it seems I can finally play Captain America without having to load up Marvel vs. Capcom or that Avengers arcade game with The Vision looking like he dressed himself in the largest used condom in the world.
It was very popular at Comic-Con, with glowing admiration for it here and there. There seems to be many trailers for it, both cinematic and gameplay, over at Game Trailers. Apparently they revealed a bunch of the characters with quite a few as yet to be announced. The game should be something to look forward to, as the X-Men Legends games were a ball as long as you had people to play it with. You can bet I'll keep an eye on it and hopefully review it when it comes out in the fourth quarter of this year.
The Darkness
There apparently only was a bit of gameplay available, featuring a car chase sequence of some sort. Only so much information on the game has been released, with the only real details being you can summon nasty little demons when the lights are out and shoot people. If it wasn't Starbreeze I wouldn't take an interest in this at all, but as is it at the very least intrigues me. There's a few cinematic trailers floating around, but no gameplay has yet been released to the unwashed online masses.
There were other games there to be sure, like LucasArts and their new Indiana Jones property, or their next gen pre-visualization of a Star Wars Jedi game (which was leaked online, but has since been removed). However, since I'm terribly lazy I dare not give my opinion on every single one of them and just assume they all sucked.
BLIZZARD: KILLING BABIES, ASIANS, AND THE GAMING INDUSTRY SINCE 1998
World of Warcraft and Blizzard, the developers behind it, reached a plateau of cultural awareness and popularity a long time ago. This last week was no different, as several stories made people ashamed not only to be humans but also gamers.It is well known that the Asian folk love their games, especially Blizzard games. I know for a fact that Korean television shows daily Starcraft competitions and the Chinese have replaced some of their sweat shops with gold farming companies. On top of that there has been an alarming number of deaths involving World of Warcraft and MMOs in general in Asian countries. Everything from two parents letting there baby die because they were playing, to a boy committing suicide so he can be with his WoW friends in heaven. The latest tally to these isn't a death per say, but rather a boy getting blinded.
All this stuff has actually gotten to the point of the usual same old, same old. Yes, people dying from playing video games has gotten rather regular. Granted, the tone of the last article in particular is rather biased against gaming as a whole and none of these countries are exactly number one when it comes to personal freedom and all, but when I was younger I could have never fathomed something like this happening. I felt bad when my thumbs had swollen to point of non-movement from playing Super Smash Bros. too long, but I don't think I ever expected to play until I died of hunger.
Though dying whilst clutching a N64 controller to my chest and muttering, "I did it for Captain Falcon!" wouldn't be a terrible way to go I suppose.
Actually, World of Warcraft has kind of help pushed forward the idea of gaming addiction, to the point a health clinic treats it. The game is actually just an okay game soaked in monotony and virtual socializing that's either enlightening or truly disturbing (especially if you play it all the fucking time, which most do) and the idea of people dying because of it astonishes me. It makes sense in some ways, mostly because there really aren't too many good PC games about right now to challenge WoW in sales. It also technically gives you people to talk to and such so you only have to get up to use the bathroom (or do you?). The game itself is really nothing but a long grind to nowhere when you get right down to it, so it seems weird people wouldn't just stop playing it for a little bit so they can bathe.
Speaking of no one challenging it in sales, Brian Sullivan blames Blizzard for that one since it's so trendy to do so nowadays. Who the hell is Brian Sullivan? He's that dude who made that game that plays exactly like Diablo II. He also made Age of Empires and he thinks Blizzard, much like Obi-Wan, is holding people back.
"For retail PC games, I think the biggest problem is World of Warcraft. It is such a compelling MMO game that it sucks up a lot of money and time that would normally be spent on other retail PC games."
I have an idea. Stop making games that cost more than two decent DVD films and have about as much running time as one. Also, stop caring about graphics so much. I still play Street Fighter games because they're fun and have a fancy artistic flair to them, not because of Blanka's individually rendered strands of hair.
JUST IN TIME FOR NO ONE TO CARE
Remember this? Of course you do. Now look at this. Did you look at it? Look at it.Guess what? It's too late, no one cares anymore. It was really, really difficult to care about it all the first time around. Not only was the whole "Hot Coffee" thing unsurprising, but I found it funny before I found it scandalous as so many others did. Apparently no one recalls the thousands and thousands of patches for hot naked sex in the Sims and all those terribly disturbing hentai dating games that fly around. "Hot Coffee" just happened to hit the mark since everyone outside of the gaming world thought that GTA = RAPE KILL MAIM DIE!!!11! Which actually isn't too far off, but I generally think that the GTA games get boring after awhile. You can only shoot so many hookers before it gets repetitive.
Now that we're at the end of it all, about the only thing good about the whole issue is it made some people a little more aware of video games. Unfortunately, it bathed gaming in the wrong light. Gaming culture is already this strange MTV-like creation in the general public's eye. Turn on G4TV and you see Snoop Dogg pimping a new very crappy video game. Not long after you'll be gazing at these crazy 30 somethings giving awkward and forced video game jokes with bad timing and even worse writing behind it. All that and more creates the tackiest and kindest illusion of gaming culture available.
Combine that with the generalization of gaming being this addictive blood orgy and it doesn't really look so good. Gamers making a big deal out of the "Hot Coffee" mod made it all the worse, and the media coverage of it was horrible and uninformed. Well, now here a year later with stronger ESRB laws (which probably needed to be implemented to be honest) and sharper eyes behind those laws, the whole investigation and its result seems kind of moot and obvious. Anyone who plays PC games and has a good understanding of the mod community pretty much knew that even if Rockstar didn't conveniently add the basic fundamentals of the mini-game into GTA, then there would have been some greasy and extremely eager modder already working on taking everyone's clothes off in the game. This stuff is ancient and a proven regularity, hailing all the way back to the Nude Raider days. Barely enough to just blame Take-Two or Rockstar for all of it.
Besides, I don't see too many people disgusted and surprised by the sex mini-game in the foreign version of Indigo Prophecy. I was certainly surprised when it happened.
And pleased.
THAT'S IT, PEOPLE OFFICIALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US NOW
Hilary Clinton is continuing her Joan of Arc-lite crusade against gaming apparently. The ever stalwart Kotaku gaming blog came upon this information finding that Clinton is looking to employ parents who are passionately against extreme video game violence. Granted, it is a rumor, a well informed rumor, but a rumor nonetheless. Plus it is quite obvious Clinton is going to be pretty determined to get taxes on games, which is quite frightening to us gamers who already bleed near a hundred dollars by just buying two of them.This is actually what the column has been leading up to, because if a lot of the crazy nonsense in the other two pieces continue then they will probably have more than enough ammunition to try and justify a tax. I'm not a very political fellow so I have no idea if it has a chance of passing. I do know this reminds me of the wacky times at the close of the 90s when movies were getting a stern looking to. The most that happened to them has recently happened to games, so I can't imagine how much more you can really do to deter those 12 year olds from buying games with sex and shooting and all that. It's probably far too late anyway. Just watching that little scene in Inside Man with the kid and the hilarious PSP game tells me it's a little late for the whole shame tax thing.
Our only hope now is for gamers to vote. Such an occurrence is rather unlikely since most of us are far too apathetic and lazy to vote. Unless an individual painfully idolized within pop culture like Gary Coleman or someone equally moronic was to take to campaigning, we'll still get the usual turn out.
Until that time keep complaining about this stuff in blogs and message boards. It doesn't make the gaming community seem like annoying whiners without an ounce of initiative at all. Really. It doesn't.
WORTHWHILE RELEASES OF THE WEEK
Civilization IV: Warlords (PC) - July 24, 2006
I admit when I first started playing Civilization IV I spent 12 hours or so lost within its hypnotizing strategy. I also admit I turned down seeing half-naked women for the sake of such a terribly enthralling game. Does that make me anymore of a loser?
Yes, yes it does.
Go get the expansion.
CivCity: Rome (PC) - July 24, 2006
There are benefits to me being lazy and late to the column, such as seeing reviews and write-ups for games of the week. Judging from what most are saying, this game blows meaty simulated chunks. It didn't look too good to begin with, but I can't fill out the column with nothing but my own mesmerizing charm now can I?
Tekken: Dark Resurrection (PSP) – July 25, 2006
If anyone knows me they know I love fighting games. They also know the famous stories of my superfluous efforts of perfection at them, and they know of my loud and dramatic tangent of swear words and awkward insults to anyone who would beat me, including the computer. That said, if I owned a PSP I'd probably play nothing but this. I'd also probably think up new and surreal insults like "You Eggo waffle cockmonster" or "Eat fecal clumps you feeble-minded elephant fuck."
GAME OF UNHEALTHY ANTICIPATION
Dark Messiah of Might and Magic (PC) – September 2006
Though I'm not a huge fan of a lot of FPS games, I do enjoy them from time to time. I also enjoy the prospect of a first person action game that utilizes things besides big guns and explosions rods or whatever. Condemned was a fun albeit underwhelming testament to that. Oblivion is equally amusing in that regard, but lacks anything truly that special in the combat. So you can imagine that I was quite delighted to find a game inherently focused on that first person melee combat and one that uses the Half-Life 2 Source engine of all things.
Dark Messiah seems to have its priorities straight. The combat is rather intuitive in that you use a lot of the environment around you to your advantage. Dynamic sword to sword fights seem to be a central theme too, and as you can tell from the gameplay demo from E3, the whole affair seems to add some new twists and turns to both the FPS and action genres. Along with all this they seem to be making a cooperative multiplayer mode, which is refreshing, since it seems multiplayer is wholly a competitive affair as of late.
Dark Messiah should be out soon enough, and you can bet I'll have it in my sweaty sausage-like fingers when it's released.
Well that's it for this tardy edition of Pixellated Rebellion. Next time I might write something not all political and such, and maybe go back to the "everyone is racist!" dynamic. Until that time I'm going to watch a whole bunch of Deadwood to brush up on my fighting game insults. See you later cocksuckers! Continue reading Pixellated Rebellion - 7/29/2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
Baited Breath For Battlestar
The Emmy's recently went above and beyond rewarding people for producing quality television entertainment by fucking over some of the best shows around, including Sci-Fi's surprise smash hit Battlestar Galactica. But there's no need to cry all over your cubits, as it's returning for a third season this October, and thanks to The Digital Bits and YouTube, we have the video skinny on what's going to go down.
If you'll remember the end of last season, it left our heroes (and villains) in a pretty shocking state of affairs, and thankfully, this teaser for the third season doesn't look to be any less intense. Expect more Cylon insanity with Baltar, more gruff commanding from Adama and more rebellious youth from Lee, as they attempt to take us further into what has been an amazing journey so far.
If you're wondering about the picture of the hot blonde in skimpy clothing, you obviously haven't seen the show, which means you suck. She's the main Cylon, and as you can see, quite a hottie. So there's two more reasons to check it out on DVD, and when it returns this fall.
Source: The Digital Bits, YouTube
Continue reading Baited Breath For Battlestar
Trailer: The Departed
Ah, Martin Scorsese. No one makes movies like him, and he makes movies like no one - unless perhaps you're Alan Mak and Andrew Lau. If you've been wondering where he's been, wonder no more. He's been making The Departed, a crime thriller with Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson and Matt Damon, and the trailer has finally hit, and like all Scorsese movies, it looks damn good.
The funny thing about this movie is how much it looks like its predecessor. In case you didn't know, the film is apparently "loosely based" on the critically acclaimed 2002 Hong Kong thriller Infernal Affairs, so loosely that Scorsese himself claimed he'd never seen the original film. But you'd never know it from the trailer.
The entire story - about opposing moles in the Boston police department and a crime gang - looks to be the same, and to be honest, a lot of the shots in the trailer look like they're straight pulled from Infernal Affairs. I'm not going to judge, because I love Scorsese to death, but it makes me wonder why a guy like him would make a straight remake. However, again this is Scorsese, so I'm sure he has something up his sleeve to surprise us and differentiate it.
Seriously.
Source: Yahoo Movies
Continue reading Trailer: The Departed
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Trailer: Babel
The great thing about the summer season ending is that it starts to bring the real great movies out of the woodwork. Don't get me wrong, I love things exploding as much as the next guy, but autumn/winter is where the great movies are forged, mostly because they're released to make sure they're fresh in the minds of Academy voters, with the Oscars being in the early part of the following year. This isn't looking to change with Babel, the new film from Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu. The trailer has just been released and it looks spectacular.
According to the Apple site, this is the story:
In the remote sands of the Moroccan desert, a rifle shot rings out - detonating a chain of events that will link an American tourist couple’s frantic struggle to survive, two Moroccan boys involved in an accidental crime, a nanny illegally crossing into Mexico with two American children and a Japanese teen rebel whose father is sought by the police in Tokyo.
Intriguing. If you know Inarritu's movies - Amores Perros and 21 Grams - they're all about fate intertwining, and all kinds of cause and effect, just like that Star Trek episode where the Enterprise kept exploding. Inarritu is one of moviedom's big talents, and he's made some great films so far (despite the terrible narrationy bit at the end of 21 Grams). Add to this a cast with Brad Pitt (looking like Clooney in Syriana), Cate Blanchett, and Gael Garcia Bernal, and you have one damn interesting movie. So watch the trailer, because it looks great.
Babel is released on October 27th.
Source: Apple Continue reading Trailer: Babel
Trailer: The Black Dahlia
The first trailer for Brian DePalma's adaptation of James Ellroy's The Black Dahlia has finally made its way onto the interwebs, and it looks very sexy, very enticing, and...
Holy shit! Hilary Swank is hot?!
The world of The Black Dahlia should be somewhat familiar. It lives in what's called neo-noir, something seen back in 1996 with Curtis Hanson's phenomenal L.A. Confidential, which was also by author James Ellroy as part of his "L.A. Quartet" series, which included the aforementioned Dahlia and Confidential, as well as The Big Nowhere and White Jazz. I suggest you buy and read these books. Through us!
As for Dahlia itself, the tale is "a fictional account of the notorious 1947 Los Angeles murder of actress Elizabeth Short and the obsession that develops for her between two cops investigating the case which destroys their lives."
Again, the trailer looks snappy. And plus, I'm just a sucker for anything Los Angeles related, 1940s-50s related, and Scarlett Jo's tits. And did I mention that Hilary Swank looks good?
The Black Dahlia opens on September 15th.
Source: Yahoo! Movies Continue reading Trailer: The Black Dahlia
Bana, Duvall and Hanson Pop Out Of Nowhere
It's a known fact that movies sometimes come out of the blue, but you never expect them to be like this. In six weeks, Curtis Hanson's new flick, Lucky You, opens. Six weeks. The movie has a very good cast, and Hanson is a top director, so why has this not been on the radar? Jeff Wells has the skinny.
According to Wells, the movie is a gambling flick starring Eric Bana, Drew Barrymore, Robert Duvall and Debra Messing. We at TFL have gigantic man-crushes on Bana, and Duvall is, well, Duvall. The female leads aren't bad either.
The trailer is up at AOL Moviefone, but like Wells, I can't get it to play. So it's possible it's good, but I don't really know.
Lucky You opens on September 8th.
Source: Hollywood Elsewhere
Continue reading Bana, Duvall and Hanson Pop Out Of Nowhere
Mmm... Simpsons Bootlegs...
Despite the fact that recent seasons of The Simpsons have left much to be desired, we still have to accept that a movie is finally coming out. From what I can gather, it's being worked on by a whole host of people who worked on the show in its classic run, which is definitely something to look forward to, but the teaser wasn't anything to shout about. However, some intrepid bootlegger has You Tube'd two animatic clips that were shown at Comic-Con, and it doesn't look bad.
The first clip has a huge Springfield mob breaking into 742 Evergreen Terrace, with one great little gag with Maggie versus Krusty's monkey, where she breaks her feeding botle in half, i.e. broken bottle in a bar fight. The second shows Homer sledging across some snowy tundra with dogs, whipping them to a point where they attack him.
It's not the funniest stuff in the world, at least in this early stage, but it's still evident of when The Simpsons really was funny. Here's hoping the movie really can take us back to those days, the days when there was nothing funnier in the world than an overweight bald guy trying daily to screw up his family.
Source: You Tube, Coming Soon Continue reading Mmm... Simpsons Bootlegs...
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Cornell Crooning Casino Confirmed
You might have read about this in Andrew's news round-up the other day, but in case you didn't, here's the skinny: Soundgarden and Audioslave singer Chris Cornell was rumoured to be doing the title song to the new James Bond movie, Casino Royale. It sounded outlandish at first, but it's now been confirmed by Sony and Eon, so strap on your air guitar and get ready for Bondmotorfinger.
The singer has co-written the song with composer David Arnold, which is called as "You Know My Name," and is the first male vocalist to sing a Bond theme since 1987 and A-Ha's theme for The Living Daylights. I liked Soundgarden quite a bit, and I like Audioslave a lot (and loved it when "Shadow on the Sun" was used in Michael Mann's Collateral) but this does seem a strange choice. But then again, it can't be any worse than Madonna's.
The Bond themes have had an interesting history, with a lot of top stars queuing up to get the chance to record one. So let's take a look at them, and how they hold up.
"The James Bond Theme," Dr. No - Monty Norman and John Barry
The quintessential piece of James Bond music, i.e. the main theme. Countlessly imitated, never bettered. A+
"From Russia With Love," From Russia With Love - Matt Monro
A pretty classical ballad, with Monro crooning about travelling the world. Not bad at all. B
"Goldfinger," Goldfinger - Shirley Bassey
Probably the most memorable of the singing ones. Shirley Bassey belting out about the man with the midas touch with a pair of lungs that would make Jacques Cousteau jealous. It may be too much for some people, but it works perfectly. A
"Thunderball," Thunderball - Tom Jones
The most Austin Powers-sounding of the lot. You can't go wrong with the Welsh smoother, and he does a pretty top job here. Good use of the Bond theme, too. B
"You Only Live Twice," You Only Live Twice - Nancy Sinatra
After opening with a great soaring melody that Robbie Williams ripped off, this Oriential-tinged theme - like all the best tracks - has the benefit of having a great vocalist. B+
"We Have All The Time In The World," On Her Majesty's Secret Service - Louis Armstrong
Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong was an absolute genius, and this song proves it. Especially sad when you consider it's essentially talking about Bond's wife dying, adding a rare emotional touch to the series. Also used in lots of Guinness commercials. A
"Diamonds Are Forever," Diamonds Are Forever - Shirley Bassey
Poor Shirley, I hope she doesn't smoke. A sexy if camp number, with a lot of sexual innuendo which didn't deserve the shite Bond flick it got. B
"Live and Let Die," Live and Let Die - Paul McCartney and Wings
A rock'n'reggae combination takes Bond into the seventies with one of the Beatles, and it's a fine number, with a great middle-section. Also famous for being uniquely covered by Guns'N'Roses.
"The Man With The Golden Gun," The Man With The Golden Gun - Lulu
I don't know who to blame for this one exactly, but it's terrible. At least they gave Shirley Bassey a rest. D
"Nobody Does It Better," The Spy Who Loved Me - Carly Simon
The best Bond song bar none. Wonderful vocals, lyrics that don't bang home the film title, a great melody, effortlessly sexy. A+
"Moonraker," Moonraker - Shirley Bassey
Shirley's back for her swansong, and she's still singing her heart out, the poor lass. The melody is nice, especially in the film's score, and her vocals are always great. B
"For Your Eyes Only," For Your Eyes Only - Sheena Easton
A great little sexy Scottish number that has the added touch of being sung directly to you, which resulted in Ms. Easton being the first vocalist to appear in the opening credits. Great chorus, too. A
"All Time High," Octopussy - Rita Coolidge
This song sounds absolutely effortless. Great little melody, wonderful vocals. Another one that deserved a better movie. A
"A View To A Kill," A View To A Kill - Duran Duran
Speaking of songs that deserved better movies... I don't hate the film as much as some, but still, this song is way too good for it. A driving riff and beat, great vocals from Simon Le Bon. I suppose this was the first time they started to bring pop bands into it. A
"The Living Daylights," The Living Daylights - A-Ha
Oh dear. Norwegian trio A-Ha, best known for their smash "Take On Me," didn't do a very good job with this. The melody is dull and thin, the vocals are uninspired. D
"Licence To Kill," Licence To Kill - Gladys Knight
I have this one on vinyl. Great opening, but it always seems a bit like the song's on autopilot. Top vocals though, as you'd expect from the ex-Pipette. B
"Goldeneye," Goldeneye - Tina Turner
Sounds like an attempt to try and bring back the Bassey-esque sound, and works for the most part, although isn't always successful. Tina does well, especially with the top chorus. B
"Tomorrow Never Dies," Tomorrow Never Dies - Sheryl Crow
I'll get a lot of shit for this, but I like this track a lot, and I think it's better than the K.D. Lang one. It's definitely sexy, and Crow's almost-broken voice lends a lot to its lyrical adventure, apparently about being Bond's squeeze and then dying, no doubt a reference to Teri Hatcher. B+
"The World Is Not Enough," The World Is Not Enough - Garbage
Poor stuff. Shirley Manson doesn't have a good enough voice for Bond, and while the track isn't awful, it never escapes mid-table mediocrity. C-
"Die Another Day," Die Another Day - Madonna
You'd think the producers would've hired Madonna when she was in her good pop phase as opposed to her shitty dance phase, but no. What a load of old pants. As dire as the movie. E
Source: Coming Soon
Continue reading Cornell Crooning Casino Confirmed
Americans Are Anti-Minimoy
Apparently, the French "minimoys" translates to the English "invisibles" according to the new American one sheet for Luc Besson's next film, Arthur and the Invisibles.
My question is: how much weed will be required to enjoy this?
The lowdown from IMDb: "Ten-year-old Arthur, in a bid to save his grandfather's house from being demolished, goes looking for some much-fabled hidden treasure in the land of the Minimoys, a tiny people living in harmony with nature."
AICN's got a hold of a few news pics from the new film, which also happens to star the great Mia Farrow, and the voices of David Bowie (Yay!), Madonna (I loved your 80s work!), and Snoop Dogg (I liked you better as "Doggy Dogg" and before you sold out). How Besson will handle a children's fable should be interesting (he proved he can handle child themes quite well with Leon: The Professional).
Of course, Arthur and the Invisibles doesn't have the added benefit of Natalie Portman jailbait. But alas.
Source: AICN Continue reading Americans Are Anti-Minimoy
Top Five Superhero Films - Part 3
It's been a little bit over a week since we brought you Part 2. I apologize for the delay. I was at Comic Con melting in the hot San Diego sun, frightened by Manga obsessed men, and without access to the internets. The latter of which was ridiculously refreshing since I'm usually in front of a computer day-in and day-out.
Anyway, here are our next two Fakers with their Top Five Superhero Films. Pompousness to follow.
Carlton Stevens says...
1.) X2: With a clunky and less than stellar first film out of the way it left room for X2 to provide all that entertaining character and thematic material I had wanted to begin with. Granted, they only do it on about two or three characters, but the material was so well executed you were willing to forgive them. Jackman, Cox, and McKellan are a delight in this, and they're probably the reasons I like it so much. It is at the top mostly because my expectations were moderate to disappointing and I got something much more.2.) The Incredibles: I don't think I've ever had more fun seeing a movie than I did with The Incredibles. The film seems to realize the effective balance a superhero movie can have instead of taking the extremes and making it into something laughably serious (Daredevil) or distractingly goofy (Fantastic Four, sorry, don’t have the love for this some do). It reminds me a lot of what they did with Justice League Unlimited where you can have a great amount of superhero beat-em-up fun and still retain great characters and story.
3.) Batman: Mask of the Phantasm: I first saw this when I was much younger (9 years old I think) and it’s probably what made me appreciate the character of Batman so much. As a result of this being my initial introduction to Batman, I see this as the definitive version of the character and have a hard time swallowing any others. I love the detective aspect and the mystery, the pulp action feel, and just the all around good storytelling it portrays. Nolan and especially Burton have nothing on Dini and Timm’s Batman.
4.) Hulk: Closest thing to a comic book on screen for me. It has its flaws, but it’s one of the few superhero films (both Spider-Man’s sharing this trait) where I felt the director was eagerly turning the pages to a comic before my eyes. Ang Lee also has a great eye for editing and visualizations. Save for the sometimes long stretches of quiet and tedious drama, I never really was as bored as most people seemed to be with this film.
5.) The Mask of Zorro: I’m a sucker for swashbuckling. And Catherine Zeta Jones. Well, before she married a creature that seems to be completely comprised of silly puddy.
Andrew Clarke says...
1.) Batman: The Movie: Batman isn't super, so presumably the only reason he's special is that he's more fucked up than everyone else, which doesn't seem like much to root for. Comic book heroes are wonderful because hey are completely daft and completely serious at the same time. Recent iterations of Batman, and most other superheroes for that matter, have played too heavily on this serious side. This 60's version plays gleefully on the daft side which is reason enough to love it. It also has enough wit in the script and spark in the performances to make it genuinely fun rather than just nostalgically or ironically so.2.) Batman Returns: Comics aren't just for adolescents. They're for adolescent boys, and my few memories of looking at comics involve the women I saw in them making me feel funny. Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman is the only movie creation to capture the sex of costumed heroes. Halle Berry's version failed in this, possibly from trying too hard. Anyone who wants to draw parallels between the inverse correlations of explicitness and effectiveness in comic book sex and violence are welcome to, though why would you link sex and violence?
3.) Evil Dead 2: This film is the same film as Unbreakable - being the origin story of a reluctant superhero. Ash saves the world at the end and the final shot (that moves from Ash towering over his worshippers to Ash being dwarfed by seige engines in a transition from the male sublime to the female sublime which elegantly mirrors the constant undermining of the idea of 'Hero' throughout the film.) seals his iconic status. Also his chainsaw-hand is much cooler than Wolverine's claws.
4.) The Incredibles: The problem I have with comic book movies, to be honest, is the comics. Decades of continuity and annoyingly anal fans means so much of what is in the movies seems to be there just because it was in the comics and you end up with check-list cinema, which is not fun for those who did not slavishly read them as kids. Why does Batman need a batmobile, when a limo with diplomatic plates would serve just as well? Because it's Batman, he has a Batmobile, and it must be ostentatiously awesome, dummy. The Incredibles is a comic book movie not saddled with a comic and so everything that is introduced and developed is seemlessly woven into the fabric of the film's story. It's also entirely excellent, but my fellow fakerers have already covered that.
5.) The Matrix Reloaded: Because fuck you. Continue reading Top Five Superhero Films - Part 3
A History Of Violence
Dutch psychopath Paul Verhoeven has made another movie and the trailer has just been released. Watch it here!
Paul Verhoeven is great. He made a bunch of sleazy, violent, borderline exploitation films in Holland through the 80's, then moved to Hollywood and made a bunch of sleazy, violent, borderline exploitation films in English. Now he has moved back to Holland and has made a film, called Zwartboek, about sexy women fucking nazis and then shooting them, getting shot in return, getting blown up and just generally talking in Dutch. While hailed as a return to his 'roots', it has to be said the trailer looks like nothing more than another Hollywood thriller but with funny talking. The strength of Verhoeven films, though, has always been the dark wit that snakes underneath their gaudy surfaces.
Verhoeven grew up during the Second World War and has intimate knowledge of the atrocities that war can bring. This has always given his films a very different view of violence, horror and the value of human life that seperate them from the true exploitation sleaze that they superficially resemble. Seminaries refuse to take in trainees straight from school as they believe their priests need to have some knowledge of the real world in order to minister within it effectively. The endless film-school grads and upper-middle-class suburban auteurs that stuff Hollywood could learn something from this.
Now, it is questionable whether we are watching the sleaze to enjoy the subtext, or using the subtext as a way to not feel guilty about enjoying the sleaze. I hope to answer that question after a couple dozen more viewings of Basic Instinct.
There's no release date for America yet, but Europe will be getting death, boobies and nazi salutes this autumn. Heil!
Source: Filmfocus.nl Continue reading A History Of Violence
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
DVD Spend-a-Thon - 7/25/06
Here's your cold, wrinkled sack of new DVDs for this week:
Final Destination 3Did you see this movie in the theater? If you did, I have trouble identifying with you. The first movie in the series was unbelievably stupid. The second one, while still pretty dumb, had a few interesting kill scenes, including death by giant log, wire fence, pane of glass and fire escape ladder. I just can't believe that a third go-around would have anything interesting to offer. But whatever, I won't judge you if you liked it. I like mustard on fried eggs. If you waited for DVD on this one, expect several young people to get iced in many mathematically-improbable ways.
Killer extras include a commentary track by the film's creators, a "Choose Their Fate" feature that apparently lets you decide whether the characters will live or die in certain scenes, some deleted scenes, one or more alternate endings, the ten-part documentary "Kill Shot: The Making of FD3", a featurette called "Dead Teenager Movie" which is described as a rundown of horror films concerning the killing of young peoples, the original animated short "It's All Around You" and "Planned Accidents" a look at the making of the rollercoaster.
Chappelle's Show - The Lost EpisodesWhy did Dave Chappelle stop making his highly successful Comedy Central show at what seemed to be the height of its popularity? We may never know the whole truth. Chappelle walked away, turning down a mountain of cash, because he no longer believed in what he was doing. Being selfish, I wish he could've kept up the funny for at least a few more years, but I can't fault the man because he couldn't. So, the throngs of Rick James' bitches clamoring for just a little bit more of the comedy magic they loved for two seasons are left with the scraps that Comedy Central has cobbled together for this DVD. It amounts to a little more than an hour's worth of sketches that may be funny as all hell, but should make you a little sad to think that Chappelle probably didn't ever want you to see them.
Special features include unaired sketches, deleted scenes and bloopers, the "Making of Chappelle's Show" featurette and some audio commentary.
The BenchwarmersIf I wanted to make a horrible baseball comedy, I would put Rob Schneider and David Spade in it and strap them to the guy who played Napoleon Dynamite. Then I would cause them all to explode in a shiny, white cloud of flop sweat. At least it would have a good ending. I have no room in my life for this movie. I have to go to the dentist in the morning. I'd rather have my teeth scraped for an hour than watch this. Who knows (do you?), it may be a terrific movie, but I'm willing to deny myself the opportunity to find out. I've been wrong before, and the next time Schneider or Spade makes a movie, I might be wrong again.
Diarrhea Song-like features include: commentary tracks by (a)director Dennis Dugan and (b)actors David Spade and Jon Heder, deleted scenes, "Mr. October" - behind the scenes with Reggie Jackson (what the hell?), a "Nerds Vs. Bullies" featurette, "Play Ball" - a cast and crew discussion about America's pastime, and "Who's on Deck?" - Howie's greatest moments.
Ask the DustColin Farrell and Salma Hayek star in this Depression-era romantic drama that crept silently through a few cinemas earlier this year and now lands on the little silver disc. Robert Towne directs a tale of ambition and veiled self-loathing that finds Farrell and Hayek engaging in a scorching love affair, even though neither person is who the other is really looking for. What ensues next is...oh screw this.
SALMA HAYEK GETS NEKKID TWICE IN THIS MOVIE! One scene shows her frolicking bare-assed in the ocean for a few minutes. Farrell is there too, rocking out with his cocking out. I mention the latter for posterity's sake, when we have some female readers. Sorry if the nudity report is somehow inappropriate, but you have a choice - you can be captivated by the well-constructed story and its dreary themes, or you can fast-forward straight to the boobs. It's your hard-earned money.
Fully-clothed features include a commentary track by director Robert Towne and cinematographer Caleb Deschanel, "The Making of Ask the Dust" featurette and the theatrical trailer.
Halloween: 25 Years of TerrorHalloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (Divimax Edition)
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (Divimax Edition)
There must be an entire wing (maybe two) at Anchor Bay Entertainment devoted to the production of Evil Dead and Halloween DVDs. I’ll stop the rant right there, since the point has been made too many times. I will say though that the multiple dips of these movies must remain profitable for the studio to keep churning them out, which means we buy them religiously, being the saps that we are. Thankfully, the documentary Halloween: 25 Years of Terror seems to contain mostly new material. Many of the interviews with cast members and celebrity fans of the series were filmed during the 2003 anniversary celebration. All of the movies get the royal treatment with behind-the-scenes footage, scenes from the films and visits to the original locations.
Disc 2 of this release features a plethora of interesting extras, including:
* "Horror's Hallowed Ground" featurette
* "Fans of Halloween" featurette
* Halloween II and Halloween III extended interviews
* Extended celebrity interviews
* Halloween 5 On-Set Footage
* Halloween Convention Montage
* Halloween panel discussion
* Halloween II panel discussion
* Halloween 6 panel discussion
* Ellie Cornell panel discussion
* Dean Cundey panel discussion
* Halloween producers panel discussion
* Halloween location still gallery
* Halloween Convention Behind-The-Scenes gallery
* Original artwork gallery
* Exclusive comic book inspired by the series.
Anchor Bay has also released new Divimax Editions of parts 4 and 5. Even after breaking new ground with the documentary described above, they just couldn’t resist dropping a couple more re-releases on you. Fortunately, the Divimax designation indicates that the movies have been digitally remastered and should look pretty good. I know there are some fans of these two entries in the Michael Myers saga, but I'm not one of them, although Halloween 4 does gets points for returning Michael to the series after the jarring, salty abortion that was Halloween III. 
Parts 4 and 5 introduce some family drama in the form of Michael's young niece. Of course, Michael wants to kill her, which any psychologist will tell you means that Michael really hates himself. But since he apparently can't be killed, suicide is not an option. No wonder he's perpetually homicidal.Kirk-faced features for Halloween 4 include commentary by actors Ellie Cornell and Danielle Harris, a second commentary by writer Alan B. McElroy, the "Halloween 4: Final Cut" making-of featurette and a trailer. Premise-thinning extras for Halloween 5 include commentary by director Dominique Othenin-Girard and actors Harris and Jeffrey Landman, an introduction by stars Harris and Ellie Cornell, the "Inside Halloween 5" featurette, "On The Set of Halloween 5" footage and the theatrical trailer.
Hudson Hawk - 15th Anniversary EditionWhat the hell can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said in some hyperbolic way by critics and laypersons the world over? Well, I can say that I've never seen it, which means that I have no interest in convincing you about it's value one way or the other. You probably already know if you like this movie. You may be celebrating the movie's 15th Anniversary right now. I'm sure Andrew LOVES it. It is interesting in a biographical way that powerhouse Willis made this flop right after The Bonfire of the Vanities, another infamous disaster of a film, and still rebounded to become the juggernaut he is today, or was a while back. Oh well, such is the strangeness of the entertainment industry.
Dirty, thieving supplements inclu...HAVE BEEN STOLEN!
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Closing Words:
I really recommend Fortress to those who have not seen it. It's a nice little suspense thriller from the 80's starring Rachel Ward as a school teacher in Australia who gets abducted along with her entire class by men in Halloween masks. Ward and the kids must use their survival instincts to escape their captors, and it gets pretty violent in parts. It's a real sleeper from my cable-stunted childhood. Check it out. Also, however good the movie may be, the blurb on the cover of Asphalt Wars proclaiming it to be "In the tradition of The Fast and the Furious" is just plain hilarious. That's a tradition I'd like to see end. Fast. Continue reading DVD Spend-a-Thon - 7/25/06
News Round-Up: 7/25/06
There's this bit in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy where the upper and lower classes of a planet decide to gather all of the middle class in to one place and then send them off into space because they were utterly useless. Which brings us to Comic-Con. Our Comic-Con attendees, George and Brad, are proving to be utter pussies when it comes to holding down their booze, but when they do recover they promise to share their thoughts. In the mean time I thought I'd round up a bunch of the other movie news into one easily read/ignored article.
Chris Cornell is supposed to be doing the theme song for the new Bond film. God did I love Soundgarden when I was a teenager but it's been fifteen years since Badmotorfinger, and maybe a decade since I last air-guitared, so I can't really get behind this choice. Rock is a young man's game, mostly as it involves screaming your vocal chords to shreds, and Chris isn't so young any more. Bond themes have a tradition of being amazingly, if not always deliberately, camp and perhaps the producers feel their new, grittier reboot of the franchise needs some grittier music. Watching XXX, Daredevil or any number of youth-oriented action movies from the last ten years will tell you that adding sludgy alterna-metal to a soundtrack only serves to make your film really suck. It destroys atmosphere and reeks of desperate 'look at me! I'm down wit da kids! and Tuff!' posing. That said, I remember an interview with Chris where he said he'd come out, so maybe we'll get that Soundgarden cover of 'I Will Survive' we've all been waiting for.Source: Dark Horizons
Guy Ritchie has been attached to a film, which is very good news for him, but fairly irrelevant to the rest of us. The film, a gangster tale called Static, is being produced by Neil Moritz (kind of a lower rent Jerry Bruckheimer, but still a purveyor of awesomely noisy stupid, which is a good thing). Guy is a very technically gifted director and can make very slick looking movies, so maybe being a director for hire is his true calling. Certainly being in control of his own material has led to increasingly derided movies, ending up with last years' Revolver, which was apparently an attempt to wed sub Scorcese gangster posturing with existentialism. I have it in my Netflix queue as we speak. Look forwards to Static being nice looking sometime next year and a review of Revolver where I try and convince myself it is better than Goodfellas.Source: Hollywood Reporter
Joel Silver has approved Joss Whedon's script for Wonder Woman and hinted that the character will be played by a relative unknown. This is a shame as, hot off the success of The Devil Wears Prada, Anne Hathaway would be an excellent choice, what with being a strong screen presence, being a good actress and having fantastic tits. Still, if there's something Hollywood isn't short of it's relatively unknown hot women willing to suck Joel's cock for a break. Joel did imply that she would be a very young character, so confirming that Joss Whedon has written yet another strong-teenage-girl-with-special-powers-tries-to-deal-with-world story, probably full of whedon's admirable if unthreatening feminism. This is great but, just as the new Superman movie forgot about his origin as an all-punching power fantasy for little boys, this treatment of Wonder Woman seem to be forgetting her origin as a raging fetish object who lost her powers whenever she was tied up. I'm just saying.Source: Coming Soon
Magnolia Pictures is going to release a CGI animated film called The Hero Of Color City. What i like about this idea is that the crayons look freaky and a bit French and that they're colour coded. The red crayon is a hot head, the yellow one is scared and so on. It could be awful, but at least it makes a change to all the CGI animals we've had over the last couple of years. And if they can get through the full 90 minutes without a reference to Pop Idol then they could well be on to a winner.
Source: Coming Soon
Bryan Singer confirmed at Comic-Con that his long gestating remake of Logan's Run is now on indefinite hold after the disappointing performance of Superman Returns. While it was hardly rocket science to predict this, I would like to point out that an earlier News Round-Up totally called this a few weeks a go. Yay us!Source: Comic-Con
Finally, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, is still making shit loads of money. Continue reading News Round-Up: 7/25/06
Monday, July 24, 2006
Comic-Con-O-Rama!
Now Comic-Con has finished, thousands of nerds with hangovers have made their pilgrimage back home, their backpacks stuffed with posters, toys and their grimy Sailor Moon costumes. We should hopefully have some unique thoughts on the actual event from our two members who attended, George and Brad, at least once they've recovered, but until then, here's a round-up of some of the cooler things that came from the geek epicenter of the world.
Spider-Man 3
Sony managed to unveil two posters at the con, and possibly more that hasn't found its way onto the net, but what has come out looks really fucking good. As you can see above, they've released the first official picture of Venom, and well, it looks damn creepy. Like horror-movie creepy. They've also put out a poster featuring Thomas Hayden Church's Sandman, and while there isn't a proper version on the website yet, some canny person posted this on the Coming Soon message boards.
Raimi also showed footage from the movie, with an actual shot of the proper Venom, which I'm dying to see, while also confirming the not-unexpected role of Harry as another of the movie's villains. I remember Avi Arad saying the identity of the fourth villain would be revealed at Comic-Con, but I guess that didn't happen.
Star Trek XI
Now that J.J. Abrams is officially confirmed as the man behind Star Trek's reinvention, Paramount saw fit to release one of the cooler posters I've seen in a long time. Maybe this is just me being an enormous nerd, but it's a great poster and I guess hints to the direction the flick will go - i.e. the original series. I hope it's not a full redux, but it'll be interesting to see what happens with it. Click on the poster for a huge version.
Iron Man
CHUD have the teaser poster for Jon Favreau's Marvel adaptation, and while it's probably more something to placate the geeks than really provide any indication of what the character will look like, it's still a cool image. Looks like 2008 will be a big year for Paramount. They also confirmed the villain will be the Ming-esque Mandarin, which makes me hope they won't shy away from any Chinese Fu Manchu-style twirling-moustache stereotypes.
Other tidbits
- Kurt Russell is in Tarantino's segment of Grindhouse, "Death Proof."
- Four new teasers from Hot Fuzz, the new film from Shaun of the Dead alumni Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright, were shown and apparently got an amazing reception (not surprising really, as Shaun was an incredible film). Hopefully these will show up soon online, either on the official site or by some intrepid nerd with a camcorder.
More to come...
Source: Coming Soon, CHUD, Sony, StarTrek.com
Continue reading Comic-Con-O-Rama!
Who Adapts The Adapters?
Note: This article was written by Andrew, who originally uploaded it before it was swallowed by Blogger's abyss.
Movie adaptations are an odd thing. There is an idea that shuffles around behind a lot of arguments that having a movie adaptation made of a comic book/novel/computer game/set of bubblegum cards is the best thing that can happen to it, that it means that property has finally 'arrived', it has finally gained 'recognition' and that finally we will have the ultimate expression of that story. In actuality, the movie versions of stories tend to be the red-headed step children of their source material - noisy, ugly and to be locked in the attic and fed fish heads as soon no-one's watching.
This idea is based on the assumption that all other media aim towards the status of 'movie'. This idea that the movie is the highest artform is one unsurprisingly propagated by the movie industry itself, moslty because businesses like to equate 'biggest' with 'best'. What is surprising is how deeply the idea has been imbedded into the cultural psyche.
Because it really isn't a revolutionary idea that different mediums function differently and, as such, have different strengths and weaknesses. Movies are based on movement, comics are based on the spaces in between moments, computer games on interactivity (and yes, I know all those definitions are very coarse. You try summing up most of pop-culture in one sentence!).
To take an easy example, most computer games have simplistic, cliched stories and characters defined by which guns they carry. The reason why they sometimes seem transcendantally intense is because of the interactivity. It is you walking down the darkened hallway blasting monsters. If the plots were complex and ambiguous, you wouldn't know what you were supposed to do in the hallway. If the main character actually had a personality he might decide he wanted to do something else instead of running towards the monsters. The sort of simplicity found in computer games aids their interactivity and their immersiveness, as it unclutters the space between you and the blasting. Remove the interactivity by, for example, adapting it into a movie, and all you have left is mouth-breathing b-movie action dreck.
Attendant to this is that the technology of computer games is still so basic that interactivity is still at the level of pointing and clicking, like western explorers meeting indigenous populations, gesticulating and grunting dumbly in the first, stumbling attempts at communication. Not suffering from this problem is comics, which are a fully-fledged artform in their own right. The problem is that, with a work like Alan Moore's Watchmen, these books can be so fully-fledged that their story is told through the very fabric of the form.
Watchmen uses a very old fashioned lay out and art style to evoke an earlier period in comics which sets up the mood of the piece as well being a base from which to comment upon the nature of those comics and the superheroes within them. There's plenty more too, though I should leave that to the real experts in comics here. The point is, adapting these aspects are simply impossible. In terms of the original, the movie adaptation will always be lacking. On its own terms an adaptation can be good but, from the point of view of a fan of the original, why would you have a desire to see it changed into something else?
Mediums last and, eventually, become recognised art forms by being able to express ideas, emotions and stories in a way no other medium can. Adaptations are great for business reasons such as name recognition and built-in fanbases, and great for artitstic reasons of re-contextualising and repurposing famous or classic stories, but they are awful if you are still functioning under this idea that the movie version will be the ultimate or best version of your favourite character or story.
Anyway, what brought all this on is a short interview Dark Horizons did with Neil Gaiman, author of the Sandman comic and lots of other things too. Gaiman's collaboration with Terry Pratchett, Good Omens, once again seems to have Terry Gilliam attached, which can only be good news. Coraline, his dark fairy tale which, to be honest, read like it was for adults who wanted to read a kid's story rather than for actual children, is picking up voice talent as it is moves very slowly towards stop-motion loveliness by Henry Selick. His novel American Gods, which, to be honest, has a style like those novels written specifically to get optioned by film-studios but coupled with an unweildy, episodic plot, is going nowhere, as is Sandman. Death: The High Cost Of Living, which is apparently like Sandman but for Hot Topic goth chicks, is inching towards being made. I feel it would be wise to get it made before all those girls that read it get old enough to realise being a goth is really, really stupid.
Source: Dark Horizons
Continue reading Who Adapts The Adapters?
