Friday, September 08, 2006
No More Tits In PG Movies
The golden age of tits in PG movies came between the late-sixties and the mid-eighties. The stifling Hay's Production Code had been relaxed, allowing all sorts of moral bankruptcy to corrupt innocent film-cameras and the MPAA's ratings board, set up to self-govern Hollywood's output was still working out where everything went. What followed was the golden era of New Hollywood film-making where young auteurs, influenced by the French New-Wave, produced challenging, ambitiously artistic movies. And tits in PG movies.
As always, the following is NSFW.
Yellowbeard: People will try and tell you that Yellowbeard is a lost classic mostly becuase it was lost. Unfortunately it has re-appeared on DVD recently so you can watch Graham Chapman of Monty Python slowly descending into terminal alcoholism and Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong demonstrating why he ended up running a head-shop. One thing they did get right was putting some topless ladies into a scene as some all-purpose servant girls so making a lot of kids watching this undercooked pirate comedy want to watch it again. Later on they would try and convince total strangers that Yellowbeard was a lost classic. Men.
Modern Problems: Chevy Chase is granted the power of telekenisis by some friendly nuclear waste and plots revenge on people and stuff, so IMDB tells me. Patti D'Arbanville does show a nipple while in bed. She was thirty at the time, having spent the last fifteen years involved with Andy Warhol's Factory, including a lesbian sex scene at seventeen, which may explain why she looks fifty in this picture.
Force 10 from Navarone: Barbara Bach, who had to kiss Roger Moore in The Spy Who Loved Me, had to kiss a nazi in this World War 2 adventure sequel. To make things worse, they didn't have much space on Navarone so Barbara had to bathe in a little tin bath in the corner of the nazi's office. To make things even more worse, even though the film had Barbara showing her breasts, and Han Solo, Quint and Apollo Creed mounting a daring mission to kill lots of nazis, the film still wasn't that good. Some films just can't be helped. Still - tits:
Clash of the Titans: Back for a second apearance because it really is nothing but tits and because we have a couple of lady readers, here's another picture from this glorious fantasy cheese-fest. This time it's of chunky-haired man-meat Harry Hamlin standing around in his undies.
Jaws: Probably the most famous naked lady in all of PG movies is Bruce the shark's first victim, a stoned hippy girl who goes skinny dipping. The question we all had before DVDs and image manipulation software was 'does she show anything?'. The answer is 'kind of'.
Here's her stripping off on the beach, showing a great deal of healthy, fun-loving bouncing breast, and the one frame where a nipple is actually showing.
And here's the pixellated nipple of proof.
Then there is the shot of her swimming naked, filmed from below and looking straight up, which I have fond memories of being really embarrassed watching with my mum.
The girl is in almost complete silhouette here but, given today's contrast controls, is there any detail?
Yes! The nipples are definitely highlighted and there, looking at the crotch, is the unmistakable triangular shadow of 70's pubic hair. Retro!
Finally here's a picture of the beautiful young woman screaming in agony while being savagely eaten by a monster that we are only looking at to see if she's showing a nipple.
While the still-clear water is technically covering her breasts, her violent death-throes thin the water enough to show the colour and some of the detail of her left nipple. Result!
Jaws is one of those films that is constantly used as an example of the pussification of the ratings system. Following the death of the above young lady (with tits) we have two hours of close-ups of severed limbs, rotting corpses with dangling eyeballs, children getting ripped to shreds and gallons and gallons of red blood. Raiders of the Lost Ark, while tragically lacking any bare nipples, does have many shootings, including head shots, people getting splattered by propellers, face meltings and head explosions. The Outlaw Josey Wales (featured in the first column) is an orgy of rape and death that still managed to get a PG rating in America.
This is not because the ratings board was more hardcore back then, but simply because there was no PG-13 rating until the mid-80's. Before then it was either the family friendly PG or the adult friendly R and, faced with all the movies that belonged somewhere in that huge gap between what a 7 and a 17 year old can handle, some very wacky decisions were made. It was Poltergeist, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Gremlins - all Spielberg productions - that caused the creation of the PG-13 - a Spielberg suggestion - after they caused so many complaints. Interestingly the problem with Poltergeist was some small instances of Marijuana use and not the part where the guy rips his own face off.
After this, PGs came to mean 'for kids' and anything slightly unpleasant was put up to a PG-13. PG-13 still had the stigma of 'PG' in it's name, though, linking it to children rather than young adults, so drugs and sex got pushed further into 'R' territory, leaving PG-13's with bloodless violence and one instance of the word 'fuck' per film.
You should read Chris' review of This Film Is Not Yet Rated (and then watch the film too) for a more in depth look at the wackiness of the MPAA ratings board and it's infantilising effect on modern American film-making, but I will leave you with an example of where the American PG is at today.
The Fifth Element: In which Bruce Willis saves the world while wearing a bright orange rubber vest, and Milla Jovovich, playing and alien who babbles so incoherently you could almost believe she wasn't acting, shows her nipples twice.
First here:
And secondly here:
Both shots are non-sexualised, especially the second, where Milla plays it completely innocently and the two priests in the foreground turn away to respect her privacy. Plus the nipples are all blurry and far away. The traditionally prissy British Board of Film Censors gave this film a PG rating. America gave it a PG-13.
America you bunch of pussies.
The Wild West of the PG has been conquered and now there is only the Wild West themed PG family amusement park smelling slightly of old nappies.
Anyway, while you go and mourn the passing of an age, I'm off to trawl for porn. Bye!
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Thursday, September 07, 2006
Marie Antoinette's Got Some Crazy Sheet
This is the first poster for Sophia Coppola's Marie Antoinette that I've seen and all I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
Okay so that's not all I have to say. First of all, how DARE they make her look ugly. Now, I may be the only one that adores this women in the Spider-Man movies. I can accept that. She may not be a natural redhead but she's got the spunk, the looks and everything else to play the woman in Parker's life. Here it's just not good.
Second, what the hell is up with that font? This is supposed to be a period piece. According to IMDB it is a "stylized" period piece (whatever that means), but I hate that font AND the fact that they put her name on there three times. The whole thing is slapped together. Hell, I could do better than this. Hollywood, hire me.
Source: IGN
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DVD Invasion - Week Of 9/05/06
This week's batch of releases is marked by new editions of some old favorites. Now before unleashing your geek rage on the "Grand Multi-Dip Conspiracy", realize that these reissues have all been given the close encounter treatment of the special kind. They aren't just old discs in new cases. You can keep the copies you now own, or you can give these new ones a look. Purchasing is always going to be voluntary. Now on to the goodness...
Seven Samurai: Criterion CollectionThe impact of Seven Samurai on the history of the motion picture cannot be understated. The positive influence this film had on the western genre alone is wholly indisputable. Sergio Leone would have made Spaghetti Soap Operas without Akira Kurosawa's masterpiece. I could keep gushing praise for pages and pages, but I won't. Instead, I'll say that this 3-disc package will probably be the best DVD release of the year. If you have been one of those people who felt intimidated by the 3+ hour running time, or if you watched part of the film once and decided that it was "just too long and boring", try to put yourself in the shoes of a Japanese man or woman in post-World War II Tokyo. You would have been thrilled to sit in a movie theater for a three-hour escape from the harsh realities outside. Kurosawa's most effective mixture of drama, adventure and comedy gave the average Japanese citizen a welcome view of a simpler time, when real Japanese heroes existed, when honor was alive and well.
With this release, Criterion has given us not only a vastly superior video and audio restoration as compared to the original 1998 single-disc, but a full complement of extra features spread over all three discs. I have seen frame-for-frame comparisons of the two versions, and there really is no reason to own the old version any longer. If you cherish this film, or if you are a collector who is interested in owning a complete representation of history's greatest films, you shouldn't avoid this set. Get out that Christmas wishlist and write it in now.
MIFUNE'S GHOST FOR PRESIDENT features include:
* Two audio commentaries with (a)film scholars David Desser, Joan Mellen, Stephen Prince, Tony Rayns, and Donald Richie and (b)Japanese-film expert Michael Jeck
* A 50-minute documentary on the making of Seven Samurai, "Akira Kurosawa: It Is Wonderful to Create"
* "My Life in Cinema," a two-hour video conversation between Akira Kurosawa and Nagisa Oshima produced by the Directors Guild of Japan
* "Seven Samurai: Origins and Influences," a new documentary looking at the samurai traditions and films that impacted Kurosawa's masterpiece
* Theatrical trailers and teaser
* A gallery of rare posters, behind-the scenes and production stills
* A new and improved English subtitle translation
* A booklet featuring essays by Peter Cowie, Philip Kemp, Peggy Chiao, Alain Silver, Kenneth Turan, Stuart Galbraith, Arthur Penn, and Sidney Lumet and an interview with Toshiro Mifune.
Please check out the other Criterion releases I have stacked up in the less wordy section near the bottom, including re-releases of Playtime, Amarcord and the Brazil single-disc and 3-disc editions. All represent beautiful new anamorphic transfers.
Blade Runner: The Director's Cut (Remastered Limited Edition)I expect this re-release to cause a bit more controversy. Not because a video polish wasn't necessary, because it was. Also, the original DVD was released in 1997. It was literally one of the earliest DVD releases, so that shouldn't be the cause of too much shouting either. What will have people arguing is that a big, all-inclusive box set is being promised for release sometime next year that will contain at least three versions of the film (the original theatrical presentation, the director's cut now available on DVD and Ridley Scott's "final cut") and a bunch of long-awaited extra features. So, logic would dictate that you wouldn't need to buy this single-disc edition just because it exists, or because it's a "limited edition" that's only supposed to be available for a few months. You could wait for the eventual box set, but if you plan to watch the movie before then, why not watch a superior version?
Personally, I'm not 100% convinced that I will buy next year's box set. I may want to watch the other versions of the film out of curiosity, and I definitely want to hear Scott and others talk about the history of the various incarnations, but for occasional viewing I'm happy with the disc I own now. Okay, I'm happy with the remastered version I just bought, and maybe I'm trying to rationalize my purchase. What I can tell you is that the restored transfer is much better than the 1997 disc, but it's not perfect. Color and contrast are greatly improved, giving the film a more modern look that doesn't completely destroy its familiar rainy, noirish aspects. There are still some minor flaws, visible especially during cityscape fly-bys and in scenes with significant filtered light. Most of the time, however, the visuals are clear and sharp. I can justify spending an extra $15 on one of the best sci-fi flicks ever conceived every nine years or so. Next year, I will have forgotten that I spent it anyway.
As with the previous release, this one contains no extra features. You'll know which one is the remastered version via the words "Digitally Remastered" emblazoned across the top of the back cover. Also, this version is in a keep case instead of a snapper.
United 93Movies that feature real-life circumstances in which we know the players did not survive are sometimes a tough sell. While Director Paul Greengrass' harrowing depiction of the fight for survival on board the fourth hijacked plane on September 11, 2001 may have turned a small profit, and must therefore be considered successful in business terms, the relatively meager box office may indicate that the psychic wounds of the most destructive terrorist attack in our nation's history have not yet healed fully. But more to the point, are we really ready to say what exactly happened on that day? There has to date been no thorough investigation into the attacks of 9/11. It has been thought to be virtually impossible to connect a cellphone call from an airliner at peak altitudes, yet our understanding of the dramatic events on Flight 93 are grounded solely in the information gleaned from several such calls placed by passengers that day. Greengrass' film has been hailed as a powerful cinematic achievement, but the accuracy of his portrayal can only be as strong as the facts that are commonly accepted now. Who knows what information may appear later to turn this film, or any other based on 9/11 events, into a presumptuous oddity.
SOMEONE SAW A MISSILE features include a commentary track by Director Paul Greengrass, a "United 93: The Families and the Film" featurette, and "Memorial Pages" with passenger and crew biographies. A 2-disc limited edition is also available (drool over it here), but it seems that many of the usual outlets have already sold out of this edition. Good luck finding your copy.
Godzilla: Gojira Deluxe Collector's EditionCheese, cheese and more cheese. That is what the never-ending Godzilla franchise is known for. Oh, you'll find a few people who will defend these man-in-rubber-suit movies from the land of the rising sun as if they were artistic expressions of singular quality. Those people need to take life less seriously. Most of the Godzilla movies are a silly mixture of helpless humans running for their lives and building-crushing mutants of every conceivable shape and capacity fighting each other to the death. Of course, all of the silliness is underscored by the tiniest smidgen of subtext about the horrible consequences of the nuclear age. To find the best use of this subtext, as well as an actually moving story with our favorite big rubber monster at full strength, you have to watch the original, Gojira. This film, released in 1954, contains not only the clunky scenes of destruction we've come to enjoy, but also some good acting on the part of the humans (including Takashi Shimura, who co-starred in many of Akira Kurosawa's legendary films).
When I saw the film in a theater a couple of years ago, I sat in the dark imagining how good it would be to finally have a restored version on DVD. Now it's here. This 2-disc deluxe edition comes with the original Japanese language film with English subtitles on one disc and the edited American version called Godzilla, King of the Monsters (with Raymond Burr added in to provide exposition and a "familiar" face to 1950's audiences not accustomed to Japanese movies) on the second disc. Each disc features a commmentary track by monster film experts Steve Ryfle and Ed Godziszewski. Two documentaries cover the conception and production of Gojira, including information about how the suit was made and many rare photographs. A theatrical trailer is included with each film. The glossy, hardcover (like a bound book) case comes with a 16-page booklet containing more historical information and pictures related to the two versions of the film. Buy it, or make an old lizard cry.
Lost: The Complete Second SeasonNear the end of season one of ABC's highly-popular fantasy/survival drama, I began to formulate a disturbing idea: this show is too fucking wacky for its own good. It started out as an exciting, if not really original, deserted island romp with a diverse collection of people trying to meet their basic needs amidst invisible killer giants, visible superhuman killer abductors and a few semi-visible killer wild boars. By the final episode, it had turned into a moderate pile of unfulfilled story threads, loopy character arcs and a few other annoying habits that befall most paranormal series. After Magic Kid was stolen by pirates, I didn't know if I wanted to see any more. I have no idea what secrets season two tries to tell, hide, reveal, dodge, postpone, change, keep the same, sort-of-reveal, or forget about. I may have to go back and watch a few episodes from season one just to see if I can get hard for the second round. I don't watch weekly TV shows when they air, but I love to kill off a whole season on DVD in one powerful swing of the ax.
IS LOCKE CRAZY OR NOT? features include all of the following:
* 24 episodes from the 2005-2006 season on 7 discs
* Commentary by Executive producers Damon Lindelof, Carleton Cuse, Bryan Burk and Jack Bender on "Man of Science, Man of Faith"
* Commentary by Director Paul Edwards, Director of Photography Michael Bonvillain, and co-star Evangeline Lilly on "What Kate Did"
* Commentary by Executive producers Damon Lindelof, Carleton Cuse and Bryan Burk on "The 23rd Psalm"
* Commentary by Director Jack Bender, co-stars Jorge Garcia & Cynthia Watros on "Dave"
* Commentary by Co-stars Yunjin Kim and Daniel Dae Kim, writers Elizabeth Sarnoff and Christina M. Kim on "The Whole Truth"
* Exclusive unaired flashbacks
* The "LOST Connections" interactive experience that plants seeds for season three
* Conspiracy theories with creators, writers, fans
* "Fire and Water: Anatomy of an Episode"
* Secrets From the Hatch
* Deleted Scenes
* Bloopers
* Channel UK promo directed by David LaChapelle
* "The World According to Sawyer."
Click your poison:
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Sure It Is
David Lynch, the certified kook behind Mulholland Drive and Blue Velvet, has a new movie coming out this year called Inland Empire. He told the audience at the Venice film festival that "It's supposed to make perfect sense. Every film is like going into a new world, going into the unknown. But you should be not afraid of using your intuition, and feel and think your way through."
He might want to check with the actors in it though.
Laura Dern, who also stars in the improvisation-based movie, admitted she is still baffled by the film herself. "The truth is I didn't know who I was playing - and I still don't know," she confessed. "My experience on this film was very unique to say the least, even after working with David for a long time. Each day was a different direction. Each day was a different idea because we didn't have a script we were following. Each day he would tell me what to say and do, and I would repeat it."
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I mean I enjoyed Blue Velvet as weird as it was, but if not even the actors know what's what I think that his last cog has slipped loose.
Second Opinion by Andrew Clarke: Actors are stupid, David Lynch is a god, many of the greatest films ever made have come about through improvisation, Blue Velvet is extraordinary, Dune, goddammit, is entirely fucking awesome despite being totally shit and Mulholland Drive has got Naomi Watts' giant nipples in it. Who cares if it makes any sense?
Now, Scott is right that Lynch walks a tightrope between inspired dream logic and total incomrehensbility in his films, and his Twin Peaks prequel, Fire Walk With Me is a good example of the latter. I think the rest of his filmography is a good reason to wait until Inland Empire is released before questioning his judgement. If it's awful Scott can come here and tell me I'm a big poopyhead.
Giant nipples.
Source: Guardian Unlimited
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Carrey And Diaz Together Again
No this isn't one of the rash of news pieces on a couple splitting up and then reuniting that frequently clogs the 'net pipes. Though that is oddly fitting given the plot of the new Cameron Diaz/Jim Carrey vehicle set to start filming in the near future. The working title, A Little Game Without Consequence, has them pretending to split up as a joke. Ha! The laughs are on them when their friends let them in on the fact that no one ever thought they should be together in the first place.
The last movie they were both in was 1994's The Mask which put former model Diaz on the road to fame, fortune and Charlie's Angels and cemented Carrey's new position as Hollywood comedy superstar. Game will be directed by Gabriele Muccino (Pursuit of Happyness) and is based on the French film Un Petit Jeu Sans Consequence.
Until then we get to see Carey in possibly loopy numerology/murder-mystery flick, The Number 23 and Diaz in the probably awful Shrek The Third and The Holiday.
Source: In The News
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Hunky Teens Break Movie Blog's Cherry
TFL only has a few readers and, from what I know of you, I don't think new horror film The Covenant is for you. However, a very nice lady from their PR department sent us a small press kit about it and we've never recieved one of those before. It's all terribly exciting, I'm a little bit scared and, if you carry on reading, I'll try and give you some reasons why you might actually want to watch it. Let's hope The Covenant will talk to me in the morning.
Here's the synopsis: In 1692, in the Ipswich Colony of Massachusetts, five families with untold power formed a covenant of silence. One family, lusting for more, was banished; their bloodline disappearing without a trace--until now. This thriller tells the story of the Sons of Ipswich, four young students at the elite Spencer Academy who are bound by their sacred ancestry. As descendants of the original families who settled in Ipswich Colony in the 1600's, the boys have all been born with special powers. When the body of a dead student is discovered after a party, secrets begin to unravel which threaten to break the covenant of silence that has protected their families for hundreds of years.
Well, that sounds a bit convoluted. Another film with a slightly too complicated and overwrought backstory was Underworld, which was rubbish. That said, most of you know it was rubbish because you went to see it because it had supernatural violence and Kate Beckinsale in it.
Let's see who's hot in The Covenant:
Unfortunately the Spencer Academy seems to be an all boys school as all of the leads are male:
Intense:
He looks just like me!:
There are women in it though:
Shower!
And as for the supernatural violence? The film is rated PG-13. This is a PG-13 horror movie and PG-13 horror movies are for little girls. This is not a slight on anyone's masculinity - these films are aimed at a young female demographic. That's why the film is set in a school, why it is filled with hunky young men and why it won't have any of the gory stuff us real men like to subject ourselves to.
There is some hope for us geeks though: it is directed by Renny Harlin. Rene has been making violent action fests since the 80's, with Nightmare on Elm Street 4, Die Hard 2 and the Guaranteed-A-Place-In-Director-Heaven master-work Long Kiss Goodnight. Importantly, even his worst films are excellently made and endlessly watchable. Mindhunters, which is a truly awful film, is still very nice to look at, full of entertaining (if not actually any good) performances and lots of death.
Look at the film's PG-13 rating again - it is rated "for intense sequences of violence and action, some disturbing images, sexual content, partial nudity and language."
While we can't expect gallons of teeth filled blood, perhaps Renny has made a more xtreem (!) version of Harry Potter, full of studs fighting each other with noisy magic, which could be good for a giggle.
Here's a meeting of their slashfic society acting out the end of Matrix Revolutions and Attack of the Clones:
Here's someone intensely brandishing a CGI fork:
And here's the pretty girl in a towel again:
I can't really recommend seeing this film. This is not the fault of the film - it's simply aimed at a different demographic to us. However I would recommend keeping half an eye on the reviews. There's a chance this could be a lot of fun. It might be unintentional fun, or it could be the very cheesy kind of fun you get when you genuinely enjoy a film that you really should have grown out of by now, but fun nonetheless. If there's an unrated version released on DVD we can all watch it to see if that pretty girl ever finishes her shower.
The Covenant hits theatres tomorrow. Watch the trailer here:
Windows Media (High)
Windows Media (Low)
Real (High)
Real (Low)
Source: Sony Pictures
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The Nightmare Before Track 12
Just in time for Halloween, Disney will be releasing a 3D version of The Nightmare Before Christmas, dictator supreme of emo goths everywhere. A very cool thing, no doubt, since this is one of my favorite films. I just don't wear the hoodies. I swear!
But more interestingly, Disney will be releasing a new two-disc version of the brilliant soundtrack with the second disc featuring... wait for it... covers by some of today's popular artists and bands. Unfortunately, Fall Out Boy is one of them.
The skinny from bearded wonder Frosty at Collider:
Now what about this new soundtrack?
While I am sure some will get upset when they hear this, Disney has found a great way to get new people to hear the old soundtrack, get some popular artists of today to do some covers. In addition to the release in 3D, Disney will be releasing a new two disc version of the soundtrack on October 24th. The first disc will have the Danny Elfman score, and the second disc will have the covers. Some of the bands are Fall Out Boy ("What's This?"), Panic! at the Disco ("This Is Halloween"), Marilyn Manson ("This Is Halloween"), Fiona Apple ("Sally's Song") and She Wants Revenge ("Oogie Boogie's Song"), as well as two demo versions of Danny Elfman's "Making Christmas" and "Oogie Boogie's Song." Personally I can’t wait to hear the cover by Fiona Apple.
Yeah, I'd have to say I'm down to hear the the Fiona Apple track as well. She's great. Having She Wants Revenge and Marilyn Manson on there should at least be interesting if nothing else. But seriously... Fall Out Boy? Get fucked.
The film hits on October 20th. The soundtrack will be released on October 24th.
Source: Collider.com
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Ask The DVD Genie - 9/7/06
More fake letters to the fake DVD Genie...
Dear DVD Genie,
I'm a 42 year-old male, and I have a painful secret. My family and closest friends don't know who I really am. The sweaty, meaty men I work next to at the sausage factory also have no idea. None of the people in my life know that I come home from work each afternoon, shower the stench of raw pork from my body, and then dress myself in one of several crepe skirts, a pretty silk blouse, thigh-high stockings and three-inch pumps. I can't believe I'm even writing this. I think the need to be who I really am inside is finally giving me the strength to say to the world, "I have been hiding my true self for far too long. It's time to put down the sausage, so to speak!" My problem, DVD Genie, is that I had sexual reassignment surgery eight years ago in order to become a man. I now realize how wrong I was, and I want to take it all back. Tragically, no hospital in the U.S. will perform a reversal procedure. Can you help me find a reliable and safe surgery center overseas that will meet my special needs?
Affectionately,
Glen Orglenda
Redwood City, CA
Dear Mr./Ms. Orglenda,
Mecca-lecca-hi, mecca-tranny-ho! Your wish has been granted! Sony BMG Entertainment has announced the November 7th release of Transformers: The Movie 20th Anniversary Special Edition. View the epic battle between Autobots and Decepticons, similar to the struggle for relevance that is currently segregating your hormone-abused mind, in this newly-remastered and color-corrected 2-disc set. Presented in both full screen and anamorphic (a word that also describes your pitiable condition) widescreen formats, this limited edition release will also feature "transforming" lenticular cover art. Extras include:* Audio commentaries
* "Autobot Matrix of Knowledge" trivia pop-ups
* Deleted scenes
* Behind the scenes footage
* Production interviews with the voice talent and crew from the 1986 animated film as well as Director Michael Bay and Producer Steven Spielberg from the 2007 live-action remake
* The original theatrical trailer
* TV spots
* Toy commercials
* A trailer for the 2007 live-action film
* A DVD-ROM interactive game.
The DVD Genie has decided to transform you into a seabass, so you can change your sex at will. Swim wisely, or rest in butter sauce.
Dear DVD Genie,
What do you know about Irritable Bowel Syndrome? The doctor says that my frequent abdominal pain and severe diarrhea are signs of IBS, but I am afraid it is something more serious. I maintain a high-fiber diet, get plenty of exercise and don't drink coffee or alcohol, but I still can't enjoy a relieving trip to the restroom without feeling like my stomach will explode. My life-long battle with hemorroids doesn't help the situation either. What am I to do, DVD Genie? Should I get a second opinion from a gastroenterologist? Seriously, I am scared to death to take a crap tonight!
Regards,
Buford "Butte" Liquid
Location Withheld
Dear Buford,
Wipe away your sorrows with the DVD Genie's magnificent attention to your disgusting ailment! Warner Home Video has set a date for the re-release of all of the Superman movies starring the late Christopher Reeve. On November 28, The Christopher Reeve Superman Collection will premiere in the form of an 8-disc set, including the Superman: The Movie 4-disc Special Edition, the Superman II 2-disc Special Edition and Superman III and Superman IV Deluxe Editions. Each of these titles will also be sold separately. Set aside your laughable gastric deficiencies to marvel at the other Superman properties to be released separately on the same day.
Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut will please many "regular" fans who have been waiting years to see their favorite sequel in the form embattled Director Donner originally intended. Donner's edit includes a new beginning and resolution, as well as 15 minutes of additional footage featuring Superman's father Jor-El, played by Marlon Brando. Rounding out the super releases will be a new edition of Supergirl. Surely you can hold your unctuous secretions long enough to appreciate all of these special features:
Superman: The Movie 4-Disc Special Edition
* Original 1978 theatrical version with soundtrack in Dolby Digital 5.1 and commentary by Producer Pierre Spengler and Executive Producer Ilya Salkind
* 2000 expanded edition movie with commentary by Director Richard Donner and Creative Consultant Tom Mankiewicz
* Theatrical trailers
* TV spot
* Music-only audio track
* Three documentaries: "Taking Flight: The Development of Superman," "Making Superman: Filming the Legend," "The Magic Behind the Cape"
* Restored scenes
* Screen tests
* Audio-only bonus: additional music cues
* Vintage TV special "The Making of Superman: The Movie"
* 1951 Movie Superman and the Mole-Men, starring George Reeves
* Nine Fleischer Studios Superman cartoons mastered from superior vault elements: Superman, The Mechanical Monsters, Billion Dollar Limited, The Arctic Giant, The Bulleteers, The Magnetic Telescope, Electric Earthquake, Volcano, Terror on the Midway.
Superman II: 2-Disc Special Edition
* Commentary by executive Producer Ilya Salkind and Producer Pierre Spengler
* Soundtrack in Dolby Digital 5.1
* Theatrical trailer
* Vintage TV specials "The Making of Superman II" and "Superman 50th Anniversary"
* New featurette "First Flight: The Fleischer Superman Series",
Eight Famous Studios Superman cartoons mastered from superior vault elements: Japoteurs, Showdown, Eleventh Hour, Destruction, Inc., The Mummy Strikes, Jungle Drums, The Underground World, Secret Agent.
Superman III: Deluxe Edition
* Commentary by executive Producer Ilya Salkind and Producer Pierre Spengler
* Vintage TV special The Making of Superman III
* Additional scenes
* Theatrical trailer.
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
* Commentary by Screenwriter Mark Rosenthal
* Additional scenes
* Theatrical trailer.
Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut
* All new introduction by Director Richard Donner
* Commentary by Director Richard Donner and Creative Consultant Tom Mankiewicz
* New featurette "Superman II: Restoring the Vision"
* Additional scenes.
Supergirl
* Commentary by Jeannot Szwarc and Scott Bosco
* Theatrical trailer
I suspect tears of joy will deprive your roiling intestines of excess moisture and lessen your dependence on adult diapers. "Go" in peace.
Dear Genie,
How are you? My good friend Agnes told me that you gave her some helpful tips on house training her daughter-in-law's cocker spaniel, Jack, several months ago. When Agnes was at my home for tea this afternoon (or was it last month?) she reminded me to write a letter to you asking for help with my own pet problem. It's my dear little boy Henry, a nineteen-year-old Hyacinth Macaw. He's such a lovely bird. Since my husband passed on, Henry has been my only true companion. We often sit in front of the television, watching The Lawrence Welk Show. Henry has become familiar with many of the regular performers on the show, and he often makes lewd noises when the women dance, for which I must scold him.
Unfortunately, for the past several days Henry only sits like a statue on his perch and stares at the wall. I've petted him and talked to him, but nothing brings him out of this frozen state. I even put one of my necklaces around his neck, thinking that he would be attracted to the colorful jewels, but he does not even look at it. I would take Henry to a veterinarian, but I'm afraid to leave my house because of all of the stray cats that prowl menacingly around my windows. Could you please give me some advice?
Sincerely,
E. Cady Stanton
Bronx, New York
Dear E.,
Behold! The DVD Genie blesses you with abundant good fortune! Warner Home Video will release The Maltese Falcon: 3-disc Special Edition on October 3. The 1941 film noir classic directed by John Huston (a year and name you might remember if you were not currently drowning in senility) stars Humphrey Bogart as hard-boiled detective Sam Spade, the role that would make him one of Hollywood's most famous leading men. Even though you don't know the difference between a DVD and a saucer for your hideous cup of tea, this deluxe package features fully restored audio and video as well as a host of special features, including:* Commentary by Bogart biographer Eric Lax
* "Warner Night at the Movies" 1941 Short Subjects Gallery
* 2 Previous Movie Versions of the classic Hammett caper:
The Maltese Falcon (1931) with Bebe Daniels and Recardo Cortez and Satan Met a Lady (1936) with Bette Davis and Warren William
* Theatrical Trailers
* New Documentary "The Maltese Falcon: One Magnificent Bird"
* "Becoming Attractions: The Trailers of Humphrey Bogart"
* "Breakdowns of 1941" studio blooper reel
* Audio-only bonus: 3 radio show adaptations including a version starring Edward G. Robinson.
Perhaps a good movie will elicit some response from your catatonic animal, but then neither of you have much time left on this plane of existence. The cats have found a way in.
The DVD Genie must now rest...
Source: Davis DVD, DVD Active, Superman Homepage
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Mignola's A Big, Fat Tease
By Scott Roche
It's kind of a slow day here at TFL but I did find a bit of a news dribble on Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Mostly it confirms what we already know, but there were one or two bits that were interesting.
Mignola said that the current screenplay he read by del Toro includes a gag that drops a hint for a third Hellboy film. With a third installment as a possibility, an audience member asked if the film's creators would ever replace Perlman in the title role. Mignola's response: "I can't even imagine anyone else. I always knew Ron was perfect for Hellboy. But it's going to have happen soon. Ron isn't getting any younger."
Considering that the first one didn't exactly do gangbuster business, it seems a little premature to be talking about number three. But as I learned while watching a documentary on the Planet of the Apes movies it never hurts to think a bit ahead. It's also good to know that Mike is as pro-Perlman as I am.
He also said that while Johann, the bodiless spirit mentioned in our previous Hellboy news, will be in, Kate Corrigan who succeeded Professor Trevor Bruttenholm and Dr. Tom Manning as Director of Field Operations won't be. "Guillermo doesn't like Kate for some reason," he said. He also agreed with our own Andrew that Pan's Labyrinth was excellent, saying "It's twice as good as anything he's ever done."
Source: Comics Continuum
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Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Battlestar Galactica Is Online!
The third season of Battlestar Galactica is about to start, and to help us bide our time, the good folks at SciFi.com made ten, count em, ten webisodes that started airing today.
Our love here for this show is pretty much unanimous, and watching the first four-minute webisodes (they couldn’t have called them something else? 'Webisodes' just sounds stupid), got
me re-excited for the new season.
Here it is in its small, short, but still intriguing glory.
Source: SciFi.com
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Weekend Box Office: Chev Chelios Is Not Invincible!
With the long holiday weekend now sadly at a close, we're back (and slightly hungover) with a more boring than usual look at the Hollywood numbers game. Don't worry... Crank aside, the good movies are coming. I swear.
1.) Invincible - $15,200,000 (Weekend), $37,800,000 (Total)
2.) Crank - $13,000,000 (Weekend), $13,000,000 (Total)
3.) The Wicker Man - $11,700,000 (Weekend), $11,700,000 (Total)
4.) Little Miss Sunshine - $6,720,000 (Weekend), $35,800,000 (Total)
5.) The Illusionist - $8,020,000 (Weekend), $12,100,000 (Total)
6.) Talladega Nights - $7,700,000 (Weekend), $138,000,000 (Total)
7.) Barnyard - $6,400,000 (Weekend), $63,600,000 (Total)
8.) Accepted - $5,910,000 (Weekend), $29,400,000 (Total)
9.) World Trade Center - $5,820,000 (Weekend), $63,700,000 (Total)
10.) Step Up - $5,490,000 (Weekend), $58,400,000 (Total)
Next week: Ben Affleck steps into the Superman outfit in Hollywoodland; Renny Harlin returns with The Covenant; and Tony Jaa beats up everybody in The Protector aka Tom Yum Goong. Better go and see it, or he and his two elephants will kick you and your family into the middle of next week.
Source: Box Office Mojo
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News Round-Up: 9/5/06
Some news changes our lives forever - the birth of a son, the death of a parent, George Lucas confirming Episodes 7-9. Some news doesn't. Read on.
The confirmed subtitle for Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is At Worlds End, apparantly without an apostrophe before the 's' in 'worlds'. As everyone has been calling it that for months this is hardly news. Also, as of yesterday, Pirates 2 has taken $991m in worldwide box office, meaning it will cross the billion mark before leaving theatres. Pirates 2 making shit loads of cash is not really news either, and studios are well known for aiming at a nice round final box office number - by keeping films in theatres, tweaking the figures and blatantly lying. Still, both these items were reported on several news outlets. It was a slow news day. Today is a slow news day too, which explains this item.Source: Word Player
Steve Irwin is dead! The famous reptile fighting Aussie adventurer who filmed himself poking dangerous animals and saying 'crikey' a lot got stung in the heart by a stingray and died. Steve Irwin made a movie called The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, soundly forgotten on release, which will probably be rented into the top ten by next week. To be fair, it's probably no worse than Crocodile Dundee 2, which I was very excited by when I was a kid. Steve Irwin was apparantly making a docoumentary at the time called The Ocean's Deadliest which, apart from the irony of the documentary now having some relationship to fact, means that the attack was filmed. Perhaps Werner Herzong is looking to turn his Grizzly Man documentary (which is the best film ever and you have to watch it) into a franchise? Anyway, that video is going to be hot Internet news if it ever surfaces and we can only hope Paris Hilton sees all the publicity it is getting and tries to make her own.
Source: Pretty Much Everyone
English police drama The Sweeney is going to be made into a film. The Sweeney is rhyming slang for Sweeney Todd, which is the Flying Squad, which was a police department which consisted of a bunch of blokes who, according to the television show, shouted at each other while driving Ford Granadas through cardboard boxes. It fancied itself edgy and closer to The French Connection than Starsky and Hutch. It does have a place in a lot of 30-something Englishmens' hearts, possibly because there was usually a flash of tit in every episode. It is to be directed by Nick Love, who made The Football Factory and The Business, both of which are crap. For disclosure I've seen about 30 minutes of The Football Factory and only read the reviews for The Business, but as everyone says the same I think a consensus has been reached: he's a low rent Guy Ritchie, making lad-oriented crime films only without Guy's wit, style or humanity. Yes. These are films for the Loaded and FHM reader: overgrown adolescents still excited by swearing, cleavage and acting tough. This film will probably be a big deal over here in England when it is released at the end of 2007. You Americans may be lucky enough to ignore it.Source: The Guardian
Speaking of TV remakes, one of the original producers of The A-Team, Stephen J Cannell, has given an interview to Empire Online, where he moans about how the writers weren't respecting the source material:"We had one script writer who had never even watched the show! The studio was adament about employing him but he just took the title and began to write anything he wanted, completely departing from the original show. The studio didn’t like it and neither did I."
That's the funniest bit of the interview though. Read it all here if you like, if you want to read him suggesting getting the original actors back in cameos and making sure to work in all the old catchphrases is a good idea. My suggestion for director: Oliver Stone in full-on lefty-conspiracy nut mode after the 'safe' mainstream emotioneering of World Trade Center.
Source: Empire Online
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Pixellated Rebellion - Week Of 9/3/06
Hey it's Pixellated Rebellion! I've been on a long hiatus because I'm lazy and fat. As a result of my laziness this column will probably be done every two weeks or so and posted on Fridays or Mondays. Yes, I'm that lazy.
Let's get on with the column.
TAKASHI MIIKE KICKED ME IN THE BALLS
I've only seen one Takashi Miike film. Ichi the Killer.
I didn't like it.
Now don't go scrambling for your crude Voodoo dolls and start poking me like that effeminate pussy willow in Temple of Doom. It's true that I found a lot of the film too goofy to take seriously when it wanted me to, and that was especially true when it came to all the subtext it wanted you to pick up on. It's not a bad film, I just didn't like it. As a result Audition just sat quietly on my shelf and I never got around to it. Even though people and the internet constantly proclaimed how remarkable its quiet setup and unexpected gruesome developments turned out to be. Telling me that probably didn't help too much, though, as now I am going to achingly await a gruesome conclusion when I watch it, thus making the development not so unexpected after all. Nevertheless, I think I've been inspired to see it now.
Two years since I've seen Ichi the Killer, I take a look at Miike's little promotional short film he's created for the beat 'em up video game Yakuza. It's no surprise I've been looking forward to the game. I was greatly intrigued about the short film, mostly because it seems like there hasn't been anything quite like it made before. Of course films based off video games have been made, the closest one that was anywhere near decent being Silent Hill, but even though it achieved some uncomfortable moments, I have no desire to see it ever again. I've forgotten most of the film that did not involve flesh being ripped or mutilated pedophile janitors, so that doesn't exactly count too much in its favor. No, what makes the Yakuza short films so intriguing is their low budget, strong creative support, and healthy, but not hindering, ties with the game.
If you didn't know, which you probably didn't because you don't have to worry about such silly things, is that Yakuza follows the exploits of Kazuma Kiryu. Kazuma took the rap for a crime that he didn't commit, and in the game is just being released from jail into the world of crime he's been detached from for so long. The short films follow Kazuma's background, along with the exploits of his best friend and his childhood crush. Ultimately it fleshes out the character even further, attempting to give you a rare reason to care for the character you control and throw large objects with. If someone had done this for Luigi you might have understood the real story.
The short film (of which only three of four parts have been released subtitled) is very pretty and simple, shot like the sort of guerilla filmmaker Takashi Miike comes off as in his other films and interviews. It's also very sentimental. Most of the first two parts are spent capturing a lot of innocence and childhood moments as Kazuma grows older. In some cases, especially at first, these come off as overtly sentimental and distracting. That might be just me and my cold black heart, but I often found that they shaped into those sort of light meditative films that try very hard to be serious and linger close to parody because of it. It's that very reason that the vignettes seem to go up and down in terms of appreciation. Sometimes I find myself solemnly nodding in approval because of certain characterizations and scenes (everything with yakuza boss Kazama comes off very genuine because of the actor) and other times I find myself awkwardly trying to swallow scenes like when they all spray each other with the hose in slow motion.
What is interesting is that these vignettes are nowhere near perfect, but the idea of them is something to support. Video games and gamers have been under the impression ever since Final Fantasy got into the 3D realm and became a living definition of the word pretentious that games need a dynamic story worthy of a Charlie Kaufman script to be anywhere near credible. No longer are we content with running around and throwing beer bottles and katanas at people just for the sake of our primal amusements. Now we need contemplative love stories and sorrow filled protagonists that we can relate to. They also have to be crammed into 15 minute cinematics complete with convoluted plots that could snap a man's neck if you tried to follow it.
These Yakuza prequels attempt to belay a lot of that. It gives insight into the character with out lagging down the actual game itself. And if you think it's at least moderately good you'll grow emotionally attached to the character before you even boot up the game. If the two mediums complement each other well enough it'll create even a better dynamic. It's kind of what The Matrix could have done if the games didn't blow salty chunks or what The Chronicles of Riddick could have addressed if the movie wasn't so worried about being really cool and forgetting it had to worry about that other stuff like good acting.
In the end these Yakuza shorts show a lot of Miike's great eye and cinematic flair. It also shows a good bit of his shortcomings as well. Since it looks like this might not be his last stop in dealing with Kazuma and friends we might see a more refined and better executed telling of his further adventures. If anything the short reflects an idea in video gaming that should be explored more, which is enhancing the game experience without hindering it. Giving the gamer another avenue of appreciation that could make the game itself a stronger presence.
Look out for Yakuza this Tuesday for sale. With this and Okami on its way I think PS2 owners are in for a good bit of fall gaming before the console wars go into full gear. For more Yakuza information take a look at 1Up's comprehensive and detailed cover story and review on the game.
APPARENTLY IT'S NOT UNLIKE DRUG ADDICTION
I played about fifteen minutes of Guitar Hero not too long ago. It really is as good as everyone makes it out to be, and I can see how it could turn you into its whore. If I had played for another hour I probably would have been lost to all bodily functions and realistic boundaries and ascended into an astral plane of neverending shredding. Guitar Hero also seems to be what everyone plays, right next to the always prevalent World of Warcraft and the annoying Dance Dance Revolution (how many disturbing YouTube videos of this do we need before it's consider a national crime?). Guitar Hero is also the number one way to make yourself look like an idiot if you're one of those passionate nerd folks that strut and jump around and shit when you play it.
Well 1UP has information on some of the new songs that will be inducted into Guitar Hero II. Unlike a lot of sites and song lists for the game, this one seems to be confirmed. Here's the big old list that they've turned out:
- Nirvana; "Heart-Shaped Box"
- Primus (original recording); "John the Fisherman"
- Stone Temple Pilots; "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart"
- Anthrax; "Madhouse"
- Motley Crue; "Shout at the Devil"
- The Police; "Message in a Bottle"
- The Pretenders; "Tattooed Love Boys"
- Spinal Tap;"I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight"
- Heart; "Crazy on You"
- Allman Brothers Band; "Jessica"
- Lynyrd Skynrd; "Freebird"
- Avenged Sevenfold; "Beast and the Harlot"
- Dick Dale; "Misirlou"
- Lamb of God; "Laid to Rest"
- Alice in Chains; "Them Bones"
- Reverend Horton Heat; "Psychobilly Freakout"
- Black Sabbath; "War Pigs"
- KISS; "Strutter"
- Butthole Surfers; "Who Was in My Room Last Night?"
- Van Halen; "You Really Got Me"
- Guns N' Roses; "Sweet Child O'Mine"
- The Rolling Stones; "Can You Hear Me Knocking?"
- Rush; "YYZ"
Guitar Hero II is currently slated for a release on November 6th of this year. It'll add more than just the songs, like being able to use your SG controller as a bass, rhythm, or lead guitar. Let us hope I've murdered and robbed enough people by then to buy myself a copy.
XXX IS 47
You may not think it, but I got serious connections in Hollywood. More access than you could possibly imagine. I've been around and know the in and outs of the system and the little nooks and crannies of the business like a fucking gopher. I also got a lot of special ties with some of Hollywood's finest. I once carried M. Night Shyamalan 30 miles because he had a pebble in his shoe. I'm that important.Now I don't usually do this, but I thought it was imperative I get this information to the three people who read this column (hello, Mom!) so they understand how serious I am about this little bit of info.
Sent: Monday, August 25, 2006 5:24 PM
To: Vin [mailto: dieselenginel337@hotmail.com]
CC: Jimmy Woods [mailto: MaxRennthe@w3s0/\/\3@gmail.com]
Subject: No More of this BS (DnD session w/ Jimmy tomorrow)
Dear Vin,
This is your last chance.
It's not like I didn't give you plenty others before. Remember that brisk night in the winter of 1999 when we rolled up characters together for the first ime? You wanted to play a Mind Flayer sorcerer, but instead of making your ass get the Savage Species manual I said, "No that's cool. Just make your own stats from the Monster Manual." I even let you keep that critical hit after I forgot about that attack of opportunity you should have got. When you were all excited about getting your part as Riddick I was like, "Fuck yeah," and gave you a thumbs up. Hell, I'm one of the ten people that probably saw Multi-Facial and thought you were a pretty good actor. I'm a nice guy, Vin, but I'm not going to take anymore of this bullshit:
No, I'm not giving you any leeway or benefit of the doubt like I did with Chronicles of Riddick. I mean, it's cool that you got Keith David and made Judi Dench play a Dungeons and Dragons monster and all, but this shit is different. This is Hitman.
Alright, so the Hitman franchise isn't exactly iconic or anything, but there is one thing about it that one can not deny: You would really have to work hard to make this film a piece of shit. The basic concept (along with plenty interesting bits in the last two games that would make nice rough translations to film) is already there for you, one just has to be a little clever and competent to translate it to screen. It's about a cloned hitman named 47 who spruces himself up in various disguises, strangles people with piano wire, and blows their brains out with sniper rifles. Do you know how much you can do with a basic template like that? If you can't tell that you could have something great here, Vin, then you should probably just go join Ice Cube for xXx III: Habeas Corpses and be done with it.
I'm not going to trust Latino Review too much on this one either, buddy. They're famous for loving the scripts they get a little too much. This could be anything from overzealousness to the fact that scripts get butchered in translation. But if this shit is genuine you better not fuck it up. Not any number of Escape from Butcher Bay sequels could save you if you don't take advantage of the potential in this part. Then again, I would really like to see an Escape from Butcher Bay sequel. Please give me an Escape from Butcher Bay sequel. If you don't you might get a few minuses to your AC that you didn't expect next time. I'm serious.
P.S.
If I see you in another Fast and the Furious flick, even in a cameo, I will start making some copies of that audition tape you made for Pete Jackson from when you wanted to play Frodo. Don't think I won't do that shit.
l8r,
Big C 4Evr
WORTHWHILE RELEASES OF THE WEEK
Loco Roco (PSP) – September 5, 2006
I honestly had no clue what this game was about. I was far too distracted by that whole racism fun time debate that exploded upon the blogging world like the plague because of it. Apparently in Loco Roco you play a little ball of liquid that goes through brightly lit and cleverly designed levels while eating things. This does indeed sound kind of like a Kirby game, but if we are to assume everything we hear online, it will also involve blackface demon enemies that will insult the very idea of racial stereotypes and probably yell "Mammy" over and over again.
Spy Hunter: Nowhere to Run (PS2, Xbox) – September 5, 2006
If Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson continues on his terrible film course I'll have to write a letter for him like the one above. I'm not even sure if the Spy Hunter movie is still going forward. IMDb currently lists it as being "on hold". This is probably because John Woo left before he could piss on the grave of his own American career. He most likely flew on a flock of magical doves back to China to find Chow Yun-Fat so he can return to at least decent callings. This is a rare instance of the film's video game coming out far before the film's production, so that probably isn't a good sign for either medium.
Yakuza (PS2) – September 5, 2006
Anyone who has bothered to read these columns already knows that I have practically masturbated over the cover art (It's not gay if you close your eyes) to this upcoming beat 'em up actioner. It's probably the one of the three I'd truly recommend this week, and it's getting decent ratings across the critical eye of the online percentage critics that so love to hate things, so that must be a good sign. I think. Nonetheless, anyone who likes action games should at least give this title a rental.
GAME OF UNHEALTHY ANTICIPATION
Mortal Kombat: Armageddon (PS2) – October 2006
Out of all my fighting game fetishes Mortal Kombat is usually found somewhere between Clay Fighter and Rise of the Robots. The franchise has certainly had a lot more downs than ups. I will always remember my days in the sweaty arcades of yesteryear when people would pile around the Marvel Super Heroes fighting game and Killer Instinct 2, but would leave the awkward and goofy looking Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 to itself. Every once and awhile you would hear the lonely lamentations of "Fatality!" as the demo roared on, but it was generally ignored.
I really didn't get interested in Mortal Kombat full gear until its revamps for the PS2. Mortal Kombat: Deception and Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance were great fun with a few frustrating aspects (the little action/adventure game in Deception was more or less the video game equivalent of an abortion) but it held strong in its refined fighting roots. Add the ever enjoyable beat 'em up Shaolin Monks and you have a good trio of Mortal Kombat games that actually weren't boring and tedious.
The next and last installment for the PS2 entitled Mortal Kombat: Armageddon has a plot that is sort of like a shitty Mortal Kombat version of Marvel's Secret Wars. It takes every character ever popularized by the fighting games and puts them all together (making around roughly 60 playable characters) in one giant war that happens for no reason. The trailers and previews talk about all the insane juvenile storyline repercussions and how everything will probably explode with a geyser of blood and Animalties. It'll also have a single player action game like Deception did, but unlike the crime against humanity that Deception's was the developers hope to make it a lot more like the fun that Shaolin Monks ended up to be.
None of this is actually what makes the game interesting. What makes it interesting is the create-a-fighter feature. I've always been one of those gamers who are willing to spend days on creating the perfect looking character with the perfect set of skills and powers. The wrestling games by THQ for the N64 often took large chunks of my time because I would spend most of it creating the best representation for me along with just the right moves in their extensive catalogue. I would also do this about 100 times over making more and more characters I thought up. Besides those wrestling games I've not been aware of any fighting game of any sort that's come anywhere close to that same multitude of options in creating your own character.
Apparently Mortal Kombat: Armageddon is striving for that same lengthy diversity just for us anal perfectionists, and will allow you to pit them against other created fighters online. It'll give me one last fighting game to look forward to before I will have to inevitably choose my side in the looming console war.
Well that's it for this edition of Pixellated Rebellion. Look out for a Yakuza review in the coming days and keep your eye open for the next column when I stop talking about games that involve punching.
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Monday, September 04, 2006
Dear Diary: I Ate Someone's Face Today...
Not a lot of things get nerds excited these days, but one of the few things that's still guaranteed to get a large portion madly posting on the net in huge numbers - that isn't related to George Lucas - is a new George A. Romero zombie flick. Such an event was announced recently, with Diary of the Dead - a new chapter of the saga that was apparently a cross between Night of the Living Dead and The Blair Witch Project. However, probably to the relief of a lot of fans, it's not actually related to the series, but it's going into production surprisingly soon. Read on, deadheads.
if Magazine, which I'm not sure I've ever heard of outside of sources for scoops, is the place to be, as they have an interview with John Harrison, director of the Sci-Fi Channel's Dune miniseries and composer of Romero projects Day of the Dead and Creepshow, and who is working with the man in a production capacity on Diary.
Harrison says: "We're going to start a film (I'm assuming that means filming) in October; we’re starting pre-production over Labor Day. It’s a terrific new script that George has written, and I will be producing. We worked together on developing this with his partner Peter Gruenwald. Over the past couple of years, we’ve been trying to come up with an idea that a television approach might be kind of cool, but some people have come along and want to finance a theatrical movie so that’s what we’re doing."
"It’s about a bunch of students who are making their senior project. To some extent it’s George revisiting the origins of the Zombie mythology. This is NOT a sequel to any of the other DEAD movies. He’s essentially going back to first principles if you will. It’s about a group of college students making this movie, and suddenly they are attacked, the world starts to crumble around them, and as they are trying desperately to get to their homes together, they continue to have these horrific experiences. They continue to document everything that happens to them as they go, and thus, THE DIARY OF THE DEAD. It’s a very good script. As someone who has been involved with George for years, the script is just fantastic. It’s got all of his humor and all of his social commentary and obviously some really great scares."
"It’s not autobiographical, I would hesitate to say that, but I would say that it is very much in a sense, you could stretch it and say that the kids in the woods making a movie is very much a metaphor for what it was like when he was in the ‘Burg. It’s similar to when George [John] Russo, [Bill] Heinzman, and all those guys got together and made the first NIGHT. He definitely wants that energy and that style and that camaraderie and the way of doing it going back to the independent way of doing a movie."
Source: iF Magazine, Dark Horizons
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Comic Book Supervillain - Reviews For 9/4/06
Welcome back, henchmen. I've raided the shop for new monthlies, and return to you with some brand new reviews. What's good? What's bad? What should you throw into a bonfire with all your old issues of Youngblood and Spawn? Read on to find out!
Ultimate Fantastic Four #33
The Basics: In short, the Fantastic Four fight the New Gods. If that's not enough to sell you, I don't know what is.
The Details: Mike Carey and Pascual Ferry start their run on UFF off with a major bang. Carey's become a favorite of mine for his versatility as a writer, going from gothy ruminations on the universe in Lucifer, to dirty street magic in Hellblazer, and then sliding effortlessly into wide-eyed superheroics and insane quantum ultrascience in UFF. He packs this issue to bursting with enough zany hijinks and interdimensional doodads, but keeps the reader from drowning in a bunch of jargon. As for Pascual Ferry, his pencils are expressive, tight, and have a wonderful sense of flow. With so much happening in the issue, it's a testament to the man's skill that he can keep the reader moving along with the story without getting lost. If I had a complaint on the art side, it'd be that the colors seem a bit washed out. I feel a story of this type should be more vibrant, and jumping off the page.
The Verdict: 4 out of 5 Living Space Motorcycles
JLA #1
The Basics: Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman meet to giggle like schoolgirls over tea and buttered biscuits, and vote in new members of the 12,087,925th iteration of the Justice League. Red Tornado features heavily, for some reason.
The Details: In the inaugural issue of JLA, way back in the Primordial Age, the Justice League beat the crap out of a giant starfish bent on world domination. In the first issue of this revamp, the big three just sit around talking. Sure, some groundwork is la