Saturday, October 07, 2006
Trailer Park Handjob: 10/7/06
New films!
The Good Shepherd: Robert DeNiro, Angelina Jolie and Matt Damon in a film about spies! It tells the story of the birth of the CIA and has Matt Damon wearing an unflattering 1950's haircut. It's directed by DeNiro, which is probably why watching the trailer is like a 'spot the massively respected character actor' game, but DeNiro doesn't act in good films anymore, so why should we believe he would direct one? It looks nice, but it looks like a very Hollywood-ised version of the past, complete with cheesily melodramatic, not to mention slightly too modern sounding, speeches like "I'm living with a ghost!". It could be good, the subject matter could be provocative, but mostly it looks a bit dull.
Click for Angelina Jolie.
Harsh Times: This is the new movie from the scriptwriter of Training Day and, again, mostly involves two guys driving around a city in a car talking shit. This time Christian Bale and Freddy Rodriguez play barely employed layabouts pretending to be tough and streetwise. Then Christian Bale, playing a possibly unhinged Iraq veteren, starts trying to walk it like he talks it. This is released in America on November 11th. It was released in England in August but I couldn't be bothered to go see it. Sorry. The reviews were fairly solid though, so feel free to either watch this film or dust off your copy of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
Click for "I am a soldier of the apocalypse!"
8 Films To Die For: As Mr Trailer Voice tells us, some films are just too graphic for theatrical release, too disturbing and too shocking to be seen by a general audience. So After Dark Films is going to defy the system by releasing 8 of these unreleasable films into theatres over the weekend of November 17th for general audiences to see. Smart readers may have already noticed that Mr Trailer Voice is talking bollocks again. Nonetheless, controversy mongering is part of the fun of horror movies and After Dark is displaying a nice line in hucksterish chutzpah here. The 8 films are Penny Dreadful, The Gravedancers, The Abandoned, The Hamiltons, Reincarnation, Unrest, Dark Ride and one the trailer doesn't see fit to name. Oops.
Click to Defy The System!
Blood Diamond: The new film from middle-brow epic maker Ed Zwick, this time involving Leonardo DiCaprio in Africa finding out about how the diamond trade is funding wars and is bad. Mildly worthy, technically well made, a bit dull and probably as good as his last film, The Last Samurai, you can catch this if you like on December 15th. Also: Jennifer Connelly.
Click for Leo's wobbly accent.
The Nativity Story: In an attempt to cash in on the success of The Passion of the Christ and, possibly, Narnia, here's the story of Baby Jesus. Realism or objectivity are obviously out the window, judging by the cheesy 'guiding star' visual effects and taglines about 'miracles' that ruin the twist that the bump on Mary's belly is, in fact, M Night Shyamalan. Fans of mid-budget epics can enjoy the 'best they could do' historical recreation, gullible Christians (not a tautology, people) can have their beliefs proven by seeing moving pictures, and fans of drinking games can take a shot everytime they see an angel.
Click to be saved.
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Friday, October 06, 2006
Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, Weekend Edition
Children of the night, this weekend holds a reward for your patience and dedication. Over seventy years of horror and everything from giant space chickens to demonic dolls will crawl across the tiny tube. Click and you will see!
AMC - Giant ants that would tell us that it's not nice to fuck with Mother Nature if they could talk terrorize the countryside in THEM!. You can catch it tonight at 10:00 and 2:15 tomorrow morning. If vampires vs. mobsters is to your liking then you can catch Innocent Blood at midnight tonight.
TCM - Turner is kickin' it old school this weekend and has no less than ten offerings between now and earrrrrly Monday. Tonight you can watch their Mad Science marathon: Dr. Cyclops (8:00), Murders in the Rue Morgue (9:30), The Devil Bat (10:45), Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (12:00am), Doctor X (2:00am), The Return of Doctor X (3:30), and Mad Love (4:45am). Of course if you catch all that then you're the one that might need a brain transplant.
Sunday night's theme is "We come in peace." so it's chock full of monsters that want to chew on your face or blow us all to kingdom come. Tune in for some real classics: The Day the Earth Stood Still (815pm), It Came From Outer Space (10:00pm), The X From Outer Space (2:00am), and The Thing from Another World (3:45).
HBO - Tonight at 8:00 you can catch a shot of Keanu playing the American version of the English supernatural ass kicker in Constantine. It has one of the best on screen renditions of Hell that I've seen yet. Bright and early Monday you could catch Pet Sematary II playing at 2:40. Or, you know, not.
Showtime - Once again they offer up one of their Masters of Horror tales. This one, Incident On and Off a Mountain Road, is directed and co-written by Don Coscarelli (the Phantasm film series, Bubba Ho-Tep). It sounds promising enough with a spin on the "woman breaks done in the middle of nowhere" story. And this is their free weekend so it might be worth checking out.
Cinemax - Wes Craven's Shocker, the last one (so far) he wrote and directed is on at 4:00 followed by a special shot on the set of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Tonight at 10:00 you can watch Tom duke it out with aliens on War of the Worlds. Firestarter, one of my favorite King adaptations, hits the Max at 9:05 tomorrow. Seed of Chucky ends the weekend with a bit of a whimper.
That's a lot of goodness (and some badness) packed into three days. Hopefully there will be plenty more in the weeks to come. Enjoy!
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Thursday, October 05, 2006
Review: The Departed
Adaptations of foreign materials to fit American screens have brought us some of the most bland films of recent memory. Often translating the text of their sources alone and failing to grasp the theme of the work with any competence, usually taking any of the discernable specialness that made the film work in the first place. The results of most of our forays into translating films for our audience have led to less than good feelings about the wisdom behind the act. So it’s equal parts refreshing and awe inspiring to see what happens when a true storyteller gets a hold of one of these properties, as Martin Scorsese (as masterful a storyteller as we have in cinema) did with the excellent Chinese thriller Infernal Affairs.
The Departed focuses on two undercover operatives. The first, Matt Damon is a kid from South Boston, recruited easily into Frank Costello’s (Jack Nicholson) Irish American crime family and eventually becomes a Boston City Police Officer to help Costello out. His counterpart is Leonardo DiCaprio. Splitting his youth between parents in both South Boston and the suburbs, he stands out as a conflict of cultures, split right down the middle. Being a brilliant student with a criminal family history, he becomes an elite officer and is eventually recruited as part of Martin Sheen’s undercover task force to bring Costello down.
Perhaps the most notably impressive thing that both the original film and The Departed do is deftly walk the line of such an absurd premise. Both Andy Lau and Alan Mak (Infernal Affairs’ directors) and Scorsese know how to not force the premise on either side, balancing the interactions so well that even the normally hard to take coincidences of the film flow so easily that we don’t even notice them. At no point does the audience need to stretch its imagination to fit the concept, and thank God, because with all of the thrilling action, we’d hardly have time. Both films have moments of intense tension (In the theatre I was in, people began to laugh at one completely unfunny point. They were laughing for catharsis, because of the awkwardness that intense tension brings about.), and both films play on the duality of the characters extremely well.
Where Scorsese’s film diverts most from Infernal Affairs is exactly where it betters it: the characters. Fans of the original will know that this isn’t an easy critique, Infernal Affairs has some great character build up, but The Departed ends up with some of the most memorable characters in film this year.
Jack Nicholson is as good a place to start as any. Nicholson’s Costello is one of the best villains that we’ve seen in a long time, and he shows a return to form from an actor who used to build iconic characters with impeccable ease. Nicholson plays his character as pure evil; within the first few lines, we know that if he has a good side, we’re not going to see it in this film. Costello plays through the film with no sympathy, an insane machine of criminal management, constantly in control of whatever he’s up to. It’s a reminder of what a great gift Jack has, and it makes me so happy to see him use it again.
As the leads, Damon and DiCaprio shine. Damon, a Bostonian in real life, carries his Colin Sullivan character as an outsider who desperately wants in to Boston’s upper crust, and the only in he’s found is crime. His desperations under the surface, Damon focuses on the puzzle he’s given at the moment and tries his best to manipulate the situation to put himself ahead.
DiCaprio’s Billy Costigan might be my favorite of Leonardo's characters. Wrought with frustrations of duplicity, he’s a man trying to find himself throughout the film. He’s torn from a class that he’s earned the right to be in and forced to live with the excised demons of his father’s failings.
All of this is shown in service to the story; not a frame of this film is wasted, and the economy of character study and story is nothing short of superb.
The supporting cast is great across the board. Alec Baldwin and Mark Wahlberg (also a Boston native) are excellent as police captains, using their natural charm to add some unexpected levity to the film. Their turns specifically make The Departed a much more entertaining film than you usually get when dealing with material this densely packed.
Vera Farmiga does a very good job as Damon’s love interest, and her struggles with truth and lies in their relationship lend even more weight to Scorsese’s look at the complexities of human personalities. Also notable are Martin Sheen’s Oliver Queenan and Ray Winstone’s Mr. French, solidifying an impeccable ensemble cast.
Arguably the best character in the film, however, is Boston. Sadly, the city couldn’t speak for itself as most of the material was shot in New York for budgetary reasons, but Scorsese knows that just as important as a city’s buildings are, a city’s personality really comes from its people. He straight out captures the eccentricities of the Boston attitude, seen especially through Damon and Wahlberg’s energy, who display the unique energy of that city’s lower middle class. This personality lightens the film’s mood while maintaining the integrity of its voice, and especially keeps the energy up during scenes where not a lot is happening, which stops the movie from ever bogging itself down, a bane of films as necessarily tense as one like The Departed.
Ultimately, this is as good as storytelling gets in the cinematic medium. The film is packed with great characters, powered by stunning performances, a great William Monahan (Kingdom of Heaven) script, Thelma Schoonmaker’s always-great editing, the as-always perfect use of music (this time featuring The Dropkick Murphys and Nas!) and of course the direction of the man himself. This is cinema firing on all cylinders. As an adaptation, it betters its source, as its own film, it tells a complex tale with great use of tension and crafted with as much skill as you’re going to find in modern film. As of right now, this film is 2006’s classic, a monumental achievement from cinema’s richest voice.
9.8 out of 10
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Review: Shortbus
You may have heard about this new movie opening in the major population centers of the United States today. It's called Shortbus, and it's the second feature directed by John Cameron Mitchell, who made what I consider to be the best film of this very young century, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, five years ago. And it's about sex. Lots of sex. Gay, straight, bi, solo, group, and whatever other combination you can think of. This, of course, raises a lot of questions. Hopefully, this review will answer some of those questions.
Q: So why is a film about sex called Shortbus?
A: Shortbus, in the film, is the name of an underground sex club in New York City, so called because it's for "the gifted and the challenged," as the proprietor says.
Q: So, can we expect to see a few guys who are, um, gifted?
A: Well, most of the characters fall more in the challenged category. As in, a female sex counselor who has never had an orgasm, or a dominatrix who can't form a meaningful relationship, or a gay couple who seem too cold and too clingy, respectively.
Q: So this is a movie with real sex in it. Sounds like a gimmick.
A: I don't know what people are going to end up thinking about this movie, or whether most people that see it will like it, but the one thing I can say for certain is that the sex does not come off as a "gimmick." The sex doesn't distract from the story, because the sex IS the story. There's just no way around it. This is a movie about sex.
Q: I think seeing real, explicit sex on screen would pull me out of the story.
A: Mitchell, intentionally or not, seems to have come up with a good strategy to prevent that from happening. The first 15 or 20 minutes of the movie are pretty much a nonstop barrage of wild, energetic sex. After that, it settles down into the characters, and although there's a lot of sex going on, either in the foreground or the background, the audience is a bit desensitized to it.
Q: So this film's pretty hot, huh?
A: You know...That's not what I felt. Not that the sex isn't hot, but I didn't leave the theater thinking "that was a sexy film." Funny, touching, exhilarating, fulfilling, but it didn't really arouse me sexually. I'm not sure why this is, but my educated guess is that porn is generally removed from reality. Characters exist as nothing but walking ids and abstract fantasies. In Shortbus, you're watching actual people have sex, and you can't objectify them into masturbatory fantasies as easily as you can in porn, or in most Hollywood movies, for that matter.
Q: Is sex used as a metaphor then?
A: If sex is a metaphor in Shortbus, it stands for the same thing it stands for in the emotional lives of most people: acceptance from or connection with another human being. And sexual disfunction stands for being unable to make those connections.
Q: Is it as good as Hedwig?
A: Well, no. But then, it's a little unfair to make the comparison. It's not a rock opera, for one thing (although there is a lot of music in it, and quite a bit of it is performed by the actors/characters), and Mitchell doesn't have Stephen Trask writing songs for him, or Emily Hubley's animation. Then again, Hedwig doesn't have live sex, so maybe it's a wash. But what's mostly missing is the unified field of symbolic imagery that flowed through Hedwig: the image of cracks shaped like lightning bolts shaped like figures lying on a bed, the image of a wall dividing a city, people divided from each other, and so on. Shortbus does have these unified images, mostly of blackouts and powersurges, with a little bit of bus imagery thrown in, but they don't dominate the movie the way they did in Hedwig.
Q: So this is a completely different movie?
A: The two films share quite a bit, actually. Certainly the theme of sexually/emotionally disfunctional characters struggling to connect with each other is central to both works, and one of the climactic scenes, of two estranged lovers staring into each others eyes, feels very familiar. And as I mentioned before, there is a lot of music performed in the film. In particular, the showstopper number, "We All Get it in the End," performed Justin Bond (a flamboyant amalgam of Joel Grey's character from Cabaret and Z-Man from Beyond the Valley of the Dolls), brings the film to such a rousing ending that you might accuse Mitchell of leaning on the Hedwig crutch if you weren't so utterly exhilarated by what you were seeing and hearing.
Q: Is this the best film about sex you've ever seen?
A: I'll tell you this: it's one of the best films about NYC I've ever seen, right up there with Manhattan, Taxi Driver, Do the Right Thing, and whatever else you want to put in there. It uses the geography of Manhattan constantly, and leaves you with the impression of that mythical city where young urban professionals by day go to bohemian sex clubs hidden in downtown industrial buildings by night. The awareness of 9/11, the blackouts and brownouts, even the Reagan-era mayor looking for forgiveness for his inaction during the Aids crisis, seem to rise organically out of the streets of New York.
It's also certainly one of the funniest films about sex ever made. In some ways, the film it most reminded me of was Woody Allen's Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask. Like Allen, Mitchell understands what's funny about sex. But where Allen's films are all narcissistically introspective, Mitchell's films are about interpersonal connections. This is a film about the anxiety of relating to another human, as are Woody Allen's films, but whereas Allen is constantly in retreat from meaningful relationships, Mitchell is trying for resolution. In a Men Are From Mars... sense, Mitchell is a much more feminine storyteller.
Q: So how controversial will this movie be?
A: Good question. I imagine it's so far off the radar that most moral crusaders won't even notice it. But I have to admit, I can't stop thinking about the reaction of Fallwell and Dobson if they were to see three gay men having sex while singing The Star Spangled Banner (complete with Hendrix-like wah wah effects created by pulling one's mouth in and out of an asshole).
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Drop Everything!
There's plenty of interesting stuff going on in the world of films - Here's a possible indication of the transforming effects in the upcoming Tranformers film, here's a synopsis of Hostel 2, here's a dead Kubrick bitching about Tom Cruise and, best of all, The Departed is about to hit our screens - but none of that matters because George Lucas has opened his gob again.
In an interview with Variety to trumpet the $175m he's just given to his old film school, he spoke about his vision of the future of the movie industry.
"We don't want to make movies." He says, leading a nation of disillusioned geeks to demand the inclusion of the word 'good'. George is arguing that they're too expensive and the bottom line is being lost, and with the performance of Superman Returns and Poseiden this summer, you can see what he means. Blockbusters these days have to break records just to break even and they have to do it in the first weeks of release because the release windows are getting smaller and the market place is getting saturated with hugely expensive movies. Some have to lose out, and the cost of a loss is too high to make the gamble.
He seems to be predicting a crash and some Heaven's Gate-style disaster that could ruin an entire studio. This could be the ramblings of an old man of course. Old men love predicting doom upon the strivings of a younger generation, but Lucas also says positive things about where the industry could go."For that same $200 million (the cost of the average blockbuster these days), I can make 50-60 two-hour movies. That's 120 hours as opposed to two hours. In the future market, that's where it's going to land, because it's going to be all pay-per-view and downloadable."
This fragmentation of the market place is not a new idea. Ever since cable television turned up the viewing audience has been splitting into smaller, more specific markets, leaving the more generalised operators with smaller market shares and ad-revenues but giving the smaller operators, willing to produce very focused product on a small scale, a chance to reach their audience. The Long Tail theory is currently popular and the subject of a hot-button book.
However, the model of small product/small audience could well lead to a breakdown in exactly the shared cultural experience that made Star Wars successful in the first place - and that a lot of the mass-market is looking for. People like watching the 'water-cooler' moment. Perhaps if this model takes hold it won't lead to a splintering of the mass-market, but the disappearance of it altogether. It also smacks of a society where everyone lives in a gated community, only talks with their own kind and mistrusts anyone even slightly different from themselves. Then again, maybe we already live in that society. You're reading a blog that can number its readers in dozens intead of thousands, but then again it does have the personal touch (Hi, Ta!). But enough of this: we have Indy IV to talk about.
"Steve (Spielberg) and I are still working away, trying to come up with something we're happy with. Hopefully, in a short time, we will come to an agreement. Or something."
Variety adds, 'Lucas said, without a great deal of enthusiasm' at the end of that sentence, which tells us as much as we need to know.
George also tells us that the Star Wars television series is moving forwards and he is 'very, very happy with it'. Lucas Animation is currently being assembled slowly because George wants to get the right people in place. Whether that is referring to their talent or their willingness never to disagree with George Lucas will depend upon your level of cynicism.
George famously started his career believing he was Luke Skywalker - the idealistic young hotrod fighting against a tyrannical system. George equally famously admitted that he is actually now more like Darth Vader - the headstrong independant now become everything he once hated, trapped at the centre of a machine. And when he says:
"I think the secret to the future is quantity."
You kind of see his point. He is the marketing man's dream - the artist talking only of brand development, market shares and quantity instead of quality. It's honest of him, regardless of what us geeks think, to talk of Star Wars purely as product because that is what it is now - the money spinner that will fund his other ventures. But where are those smaller, more adventurous and personal projects he said he was going to make after the prequels? Now he is promising to make them 'after the other projects are launched'. Is he now more machine than man?
And is the $175m his attempt to throw the Emperor down the ventilation shaft?
"As self-interest, it's good to have the best trained people working for you. And the best trained people come from film school."
Whether this sounds like someone nurturing artists or an army of Jango Fetts I will leave to you.
Read the whole article here.
I will give the last word on all this to our own Brad Millette:
"George, Steve, please don't make Indy IV. Just let it go. Please, for the love of God, let it go."
Source: Variety
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Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, 10/5/06
Those of you that have been following this in spite of the lack of awesome have my thanks. I'd like to say that your patience will be rewarded tonight but such will not be the case. This weekend however... but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Cinemax - If watching Paris Hilton get offed (not get off you filthy pervert) is your thing then check out House of Wax. Okay so I can't swear that she does as I've never seen it, but Hollywood wouldn't give her more than a few lines would they? Would they? God help us they probably would. It's a remake of the 1953 classic starring Vincent Price. As such it is probably going to suck wind. That's why I skipped it.
TCM - Here we have a reason for the C in Turner Classic Movies. They will be showing Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte at 12:15am. Up until Silence of the Lambs this movie held the record for the most Oscar noms for a horror film. Do yourself a favor and record this.
Showtime - Since you followed my advice and recorded Hush you'll be able to skip watching The Faculty at 12:30. The concept of teachers at a local high school really being aliens is kind of cute and I remember renting this sometime shortly after it came out and that's all I remember. That's surprising considering Robert Rodriguez directed it and I loved El Mariachi and From Dusk Till Dawn.
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Pixellated Rebellion - Week Of 10/4/06
Welcome back to Pixellated Rebellion, the long winded corner of The Fake Life. If you can make it through the whole column without falling asleep and/or not feeling you wasted valuable minutes of your life then you're a very special person!
FRIDAY NIGHT FLAMES: GAMEFAQ
Lazarus: Welcome back to Friday Night Flames, I’m Lazarus Punchshadow.
Chip: And I’m Chip Tigerlaser, and I think we’re in store for an exciting night for the Console War season.
Lazarus: You’re absolutely right, Chip. With the next generation of gaming literally firing giant Hadoukens at our doorsteps there’s no better time for classic flame war bouts than right now.
Chip: Let’s just hope we see some famous back and forth here at the renowned GameFAQ arena.
Thread: How is Sony going to counter MS' Xbox 360 announcements...
TeamNinjaFan
Posted 9/27/2006 11:37:01 PM
and the many exclusive games? Not to sound like a fanboy (I'm a PS3 fanboy btw) but according to the press, this has been a great year for Xbox 360 (E3 2006, Liepzig, TGS 06, and ongoing X06).
How is Sony going to counter all of this? As a huge PS3 and Sony fanboy, I'm getting worried.
---
Biggest PS3 fanboy of all time, me!
Saving money up for: Premium PS3 (around $900+)
Chip: You see...see, that’s what we call...we like to call that the “Cheddar Cheese Fake Shake” It was made famous by...uh, that uh...what's his name?
Lazarus: D00m♥hal023x, from when he did that famous move and pretended he was just an elderly woman looking for cheese online. It looked like he would lose that 2003 flame war on IMDb, but everyone believed him and let their guard down for some terrible flames.
Chip: Let's take a closer look at this move here.
Lazarus: Ah, Chip we-
Chip: Now, you can see, with the...with the lines here he's making the swerve. No one's gonna see that coming when he comes up the middle with that second fake shake. Problem is uh, when he's uh...coming in with the bottom fake shake in the sig, it makes the whole move too much. Any first year flamer's gonna see right through that.
Lazarus: Thanks for that, Chip.
Chip: G-gonna see...gonna see right through that.
Lazarus: Yes Chip.
Crimson4
Posted 9/28/2006 1:59:12 AM
and the many exclusive games? Not to sound like a fanboy (I'm a PS3 fanboy btw) but according to the press, this has been a great year for Xbox 360 (E3 2006, Liepzig, TGS 06, and ongoing X06).
Great year? The Xbox 360 has only managed to sell five million units so far, which is pathetic. It is dead in Japan, enjoys extremely sluggish sales in Europe and even in the US it is still being outsold by the PS2. At this rate it will only be able to sell 20-25 million units within the next four years, which is what the original Xbox has sold within the same time frame. When it comes to games, the announcements made during the X06 prove even further that the Xbox 360 is a poor man’s PC. All of its games can be played on PC in better quality. No real fan of System Shock will opt for the Xbox 360 version of Bioshock; the same with Oblivion.
Lazarus: Crimson4 comes out of nowhere here with the classic "angry intellectual" defense and backs it up with partial facts. This move is a proven failure if you're not an actual intellectual, I can tell you that much.
Chip: It's a common mistake...because you um, you have this...this guy writes a long post that will confuse people with uh, lesser vocabularies. But if you get...if you get a veteran forum member or someone with average intelligence, well, they'll cut right through that and tear it to pieces. It...it...it is a proven win when you're dealing with a bunch of dumb kids.
Lazarus: Otherwise it leaves you open for strong counters from smart posters. Luckily there aren't too many smart people on GameFAQ.
Chip: That's very true, Laz.
Lazarus: Don't call me that.
Enjeti
Posted 9/28/2006 2:37:33 AM
Heh there's no reason they can't both do well (Playstation 3 and XBOX360) and from the looks of things so far, they will both do well. Microsoft has a great service with XBOX Live and some nice exclusives, and Sony has the cheapest Blu-ray player in the world and also some really awesome exclusives.
---
"I am like the driftwood on the whitewater currents." - Ryu Hayabusa
Chip: See, this...this right here is the kind of guy who has no place in the middle of a flame war.
Lazarus: Neutral Nancy’s are always out of place on forums like this. They're not unlike newborn babies in the middle of a drunken heroin soaked mosh pit. It can only spell apathy or danger from the other posters that are typing their keyboards into the ground with indignation and pride.
Chip: This post deserves a closer look here.
Lazarus: Wait, why?
Chip: You can see right here that's he...he's just...well he's just flying like a magical Batman of indifference right into a bat cave of drabness. It...uh...it's all right there. And wraps it all up with a quote from Dead or Alive which...well, is a lot like a goth girl putting in a quote from Sandman. You expect it...but, uh, it's still sad.
Lazarus: Jesus.
jon davis
Posted 9/28/2006 9:17:13 AM
proof that TNF isnt a PS3 fanboy,
TeamNinjaFan
Posted 8/30/2006 5:07:17 AM
message detail because he's not a fanboy. that's why. lol.
I'm not a fanboy either. I just like to mess with the people in the PS3 general board. Especially loudassninja. lolz!
---
Gamertag: Escobar4LifeX
---
"Strength is the only thing that matters in this world. Everything else is just a delusion for the weak."
Ramsus082
Posted 9/28/2006 9:58:37 AM
That's not proof that he's not a fanboy, that's proof that he is a troll.
---
"Its hard being right so often, when guys like Dpatal and Ramsus continully sprout crap with nothing backing it up"-Methos75.
Chip: Now, if you're going to be a troll...it, well, it's imperative to always keep your intentions overtly secretive. It's..it's all in the Internet Troll Handbook.
Lazarus: Well you're right for a change, Chip. Any good troll always pretends he isn't one, no matter how obvious it is. Just goes to show you that even GameFAQ trolls aren't too bright.
Chip: You're darn right, Laz. You're darn right.
Lazarus: I told you not t-
Chip: Darn right.
TRAILER ROUND-UP OF DOOM
With X06 now long over and my laziness and procrastination finally conquered, I can now post a few of the trailers that caught my eye during the whole event that I was not present at but should have been because I'm more important than you. Click on the titles to get HD trailers or to see more videos from the same game.
Assassin's Creed (X360/PS3/PC)
As a fan of the Prince of Persia games and the free running puzzle action it bears within its delicious Persian coated shell, I find Assassin's Creed a compelling step up from that same parkourish dynamic. It also has weird inclusions in its gameplay like "social stealth" where you hide within crowds and use your body language to hide your intentions. Along with that is an odd control scheme, where each trigger and button on the controller controls a different limb of your body, allowing you to do wacky jumps and leaps around the full fledged environment.
If that isn't enough the producer of the title is Jade Raymond, a lady who gamers seem to drool over and have creepy obsessions with. Myself and other humble parties came to the conclusion she is not that attractive and has a Frodo type demeanor to her, making it more and more distressing that gamers will find sexual attraction with anything that has a pulse and was not deformed by acid or something.
Stranglehold (X360/PS3/PC)
Akimbo pistols! Chow Yun-Fat! Doves! Watch Asians fly through the air from a shotgun blast and land against a giant shank of meat in a butcher's shop! Be glad John Woo did this instead of Spy Hunter or the Metroids movie!
There isn't really much to Stranglehold. It's the sequel to the great and awesome Hard-Boiled where you take up the dual pistols of Detective Tequila and start shooting people and laughing while doing it. Along with this you can go into the now infamous bullet-time and slide along on tables and banisters while things blow up around you. What they do not show in the trailer is the sort of "super bullet-time" where you spin around unloading your pistols and doves come out of nowhere for no reason. No, I am not joking.
Being a whore for the Max Payne games (which this pretty much is but with bigger booms and "massive destruction"), I will most likely play this far too much.
Bioshock (X360/PC)
Spiritual successor to System Shock 2 is about all I need to say to get most people in on the Bioshock hype. To be honest I never played System Shock 2, and I really wasn't that impressed by the Bioshock walkthrough they showed. I will admit they have neat ideas, like the Big Daddy monster and the 50s era underwater utopia. This little trailer shows the sort of cinematic/FPS feel they hope to achieve. They also seem to want to break all the FPS clichés and make the game a lot more open ended. We'll see how this one turns out, but I must admit it does look neat.
NOT SO WORTHWHILE RELEASES OF THE WEEK
Neverend(PC) – October 2, 2006
This game is some kind of under the radar roleplaying game that people found interesting for some reason. I have no idea what it is about. All I know is you play as a female protagonist with awkwardly rendered breasts. And that for some reason this screenshot from it is kind of funny. It's like he's painstakingly analyzing the sullied polygons before him.
So I don't know about this game. I'd wait until more reviews show up. I guess. Leave me alone.
Gangs of London (PSP) – October 3, 2006
This is based off The Getaway game so that should give you a red light automatically. You drive around and shoot people like in GTA. Unlike GTA everyone is British. I imagine it's really authentic and shit, like Guy Ritchie movies.
Desperate Housewives: The Game (PC) – October 6, 2006
So if you buy this game you're pretty sad. I can't imagine you would get this for entertainment or for sexual stimulation. If you want that just play Sims 2 and make someone who looks like you whose career is having sex professionally. Such a thing is probably a reality for 0% of the people reading this. Anyway, I can't even find the main site for this, so that should tell you something.
GAME OF UNHEALTHY ANTICIPATION
God Hand (PC) – October 10, 2006
God Hand includes such incredible features like a special move where you spank a woman opponent into submission. I really shouldn't have to say anything beyond that. In fact I won't, mostly because I don't want to type anymore.
So in conclusion, you punch people in this game, then spank some chicks. If you don't buy this game you're gay.
Just a big fat gay.
Come back next time when I'm not as lazy with the column and don't take as long to get one finished. That probably will be never so I guess this is so long!
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DVD Invasion - Week Of 10/03/06
If you have no line item in your budget for DVDs this week, the lowdown belowdown will only depress you. Please read it anyway. Someday you may want to come back and buy some of these things by clicking our links. Everytime you click, God masturbates a kitten. I think. Anyway, jump in...
X-Men: The Last StandWhen Director Bryan Singer dumped the X-Men franchise in order to take on a sexier superhero, the geek establishment had a collective panic attack. Who would close out the series? The subsequent hiring of Rush Hour helmer Brett Ratner to shoot the third film did nothing to sooth the nerves of that crowd, which admittedly is a tough bunch to comfort anyway. Then promo pictures of Beast and Colossus started drifting out, and fans rolled their eyes, ran to the nearest corner and wept. After its release, the movie seemed to have entertained some viewers, but there were not large groups of people singing its praises. Too much flash, not enough flesh, maybe? However you choose to judge the final result, the third and probably final X-Men film is now on DVD, so hundreds of indignant fans can proclaim proudly that they won't buy it, even though most of them will.
X-Men: The Last Stand comes in two slightly different versions. The one pictured above is the collector's edition, which contains the same special features as the standard widescreen edition, except for one difference. The collector's edition also comes with an exclusive original mini-comic written by Marvel's fortunate son, Mr. Stan Lee. The features shared by both versions include a commentary track by Director Brett Ratner and Writers Zak Penn and Simon Kinberg, a second commentary track by Producers Avi Arad, Lauren Shuler Donner, and Ralph Winter, deleted scenes with optional commentary, 3 alternate endings with optional commentary and the trailers. Which version you prefer depends on how much of a mutant lover you are.
Thank You For SmokingThe tobacco industry is an easy target for satire. They shamelessly poison, rob and lie to their customers in the name of profit, what could be funnier than that? Why can't the most healthy and natural things earn billions of dollars for corporations? Shouldn't broccoli be the world's number one vice? Anyway, the film Thank You For Smoking looks at the task of defending the sins of big tobacco from the point of view of a slick lobbyist named Nick Naylor (played by Aaron Eckhart, who established his ability to play a fucking jerk in Neil Labute's In The Company of Men). Nick will do or say anything to keep the money rolling in for his bosses (J.K. Simmons of Spiderman fame and Robert Duvall of the Godfather films). Even though he pushes the limits of credibility in his work, Nick must drop his shifty ideology at home as he attempts to be a good father for his 12-year-old son. Co-stars Maria Bello (A History of Violence), William H. Macy (The Cooler) and Sam Elliott (The Big Lebowski) add their sharp wits to this intelligent production, which was directed by fledgling filmmaker Jason Reitman (son of Ghostbusters Director Ivan Reitman). Laugh it up, if you have the lung capacity to spare.
ULTRA LIGHT 100'S features include a commentary track by Director Jason Reitman and the cast, deleted scenes, The Charlie Rose Show interview with Jason Reitman, Aaron Eckhart, Christopher Buckley and David O. Sacks, "The Making of Thank You For Smoking" featurette and the "America: Living in Spin" featurette.
The Maltese Falcon - 3-disc Special EditionHumphrey Bogart - The Signature Collection, Vol. 1
Humphrey Bogart - The Signature Collection, Vol. 2
Warner Home Video believes you are ready for a great big hunk of Humphrey Bogart, based on their voluminous releases this week. If you have a Bogart fan in your family or circle of friends, or if you are one yourself, you will love Warners for putting out these terrific sets. The shiniest jewel in the crown is the newly restored, 3-disc set of The Maltese Falcon. The film that propelled Bogart into the spotlight contains a king's ransom of special features:
* Commentary by Bogart biographer Eric Lax
* "Warner Night at the Movies" 1941 Short Subjects Gallery
* 2 Previous Movie Versions of the classic Hammett caper:
The Maltese Falcon (1931) with Bebe Daniels and Recardo Cortez and Satan Met a Lady (1936) with Bette Davis and Warren William
* Theatrical Trailers
* New Documentary "The Maltese Falcon: One Magnificent Bird"
* "Becoming Attractions: The Trailers of Humphrey Bogart"
* "Breakdowns of 1941" studio blooper reel
* Audio-only bonus: 3 radio show adaptations including a version starring Edward G. Robinson.
But we haven't even begun to explore what Warners has to offer you. They have also compiled two complete volumes of their well-known Signature Collection for Bogart. Some may kick themselves for purchasing these titles separately because these box sets make such nice collector's items, but you aren't much of a Bogey fan if you don't own, or at least have desired to own, Casablanca and Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Both films are included here in their previously released two-disc editions. Riding along in Signature Collection Volume 1 are They Drive By Night and High Sierra, a couple of his less famous titles that still pack a decent punch. Both were also released previously and contain modern featurettes and theatrical trailers as extras.
Falcon shares space in Signature Collection Volume 2 with the World War II era dramas Across the Pacific, Action in the North Atlantic, Passage to Marseille and the light actioner with a similar flavor, All Through The Night. These four films are premiering on DVD in this collection and have been carefully restored. Each contains special features like "Warner Night at the Movies" short subjects, new featurettes, blooper reels and a commentary track on All Through The Night.Here's looking at you schweetheart, or some such.
Most Extreme Elimination Challenge - Season One Oh, the great things that are possible when the Japanese and Americans put their heads together. If you have no idea what this show is about, imagine some Survivor-like physical trials imported from Japan with contestants who seem to be on loads of crystal meth. Then imagine a full cast of hilarious English-speaking voice actors dubbing the dialogue of the show's play-by-play hosts (including respected Actor/Director Takeshi Kitano in his less-serious days), roving staff and contestants. It's much funnier than it sounds, due to some truly creative writing. The lead hosts' Anglo names are Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano, and they riff along with the contests' meager efforts at lightning speed. Captain Tenneal opens the battle between the two mismatched teams with a short speech and a wave of his hand to get the contestants rolling. The slightly creepy Guy LeDouche interviews random participants after they have completed an obstacle successfully or fallen painfully into a murky pond or pit of mud. He also usually manages to molest them with his eyes or hands. Enjoyment of the show is split between watching contestants fling themselves into moderately injurious situations and listening close to the witty dialogue.
This first season set contains 13 episodes. Special features include audio commentary on select episodes by members of the voice cast and crew, an original episode of Takeshi's Castle (the original Japanese name of the show), the "MXC Original Sales Presentation" and "Kenny Blankenship's Most Painful Eliminations of the Season".
The Greatest American Hero - The Complete Series Collector's TinAnd now for the pièce de résistance (or the pièce de mérde, depending on which way you swing on the cheese-ometer). Maybe you don't like clumsy guys jetting around the sky in red pajamas, but I sure do. Or did. It's been a long time since I've seen the show. In the present, I can see how the awkward education of the series' main character (played by William Katt of House and Carrie) follows the same learning curve of Peter Parker in the Spiderman movies. Not that one influenced the other. No one's ever going to make that connection, so let's move on. Here's Amazon.com's description of what the series is about:
A pair of strangers, liberal high-school teacher Ralph Hinkley and right-wing FBI agent Bill Maxwell, have a close encounter in the Southern California desert one night with "little green men", who give our heroes a red superhero suit. The suit works only for Ralph, and the two, accompanied by Ralph's cute lawyer girlfriend Pam, reluctantly team up to battle criminals. Problems ensue when Ralph loses the suit's instruction book, so he had to master the suit's powers on his own.
TV regulars Robert Culp and Connie "I'm too hot for John Tesh" Selleca played the FBI agent and Ralph's girlfriend. The series ran for three seasons, each of which has been released separately over the past couple of years. This is your chance to grab the whole series as well as a few enticing collectibles. Here are the details for each set:
Season One:
* All 8 episodes, including the 2-hour pilot
* The unaired pilot for The Greatest American Heroine spin-off series
* Interviews with Series Creator Stephen J. Cannell and Actors William Katt, Connie Selleca, Robert Culp and Michael Pare.
Season Two:
* All 22 episodes
* Interviews with Series Creator Stephen J. Cannell and Theme Song Composer Mike Post
* A Photo gallery
* DVD ROM: Screenplay for "Two Hundred Mile An Hour Fastball" written by Stephen J. Cannell
* Japanese language track on "Two Hundred Mile An Hour Fastball".
Season Three:
* All 13 episodes
* An 8-page booklet with liner notes by the shows prop maker.
The collector's tin includes these exclusive features:
* A full-size cape (!)
* An iron-on logo (eh...)
* A replica of the suit instruction manual with working lights (!!!!!)
The price for the collector's box is comparable to the price for the three individual seasons, so if you have the will, this is probably the way.
Lose Yourself Here Also:
The best of the rest this week is probably Edmond, starring William H. Macy and directed by Stuart Gordon (director of Re-Animator, From Beyond, Dagon) from a screenplay by David Mamet (writer and director of Spartan, Heist and State and Main). This trio of geniuses has been working together for a long time, so expect something special with this one. The other offerings (save one) are special edition reboots of one kind or another, including a Twilight Zone collection that no one can afford. Finally, there is Penn and Teller's Bullshit!, a series that I love dearly.
Next week: A Praire Home Companion, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, The Exorcist Anthology and much more.
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Trailer: 300
I hate being at work, because it means I can't watch trailers, or even put pictures in articles. Also, I have to actually work instead of bringing you guys news and articles about creepy old dudes. The reason I'm telling you this is because the official theatrical trailer for 300 is up at Apple, and I can't watch it.
I don't know that much about the film, other than it's the film of a comic book of a historical battle, as seen through the eyes of Frank Miller. I think it's all rotoscoped, which essentially means whatever on film is either painted over or highlighted through animation or some such. It was used in Ralph Bakshi's absolutely fucking awful animated version of The Lord of the Rings, and also in a few of Richie Linklater's flicks, most recently A Scanner Darkly.
300 is directed by Zack Snyder, who directed the fun but not that fun and vacant Dawn of the Dead remake. Still, let's hope he can include a Hulk baby in this one. 300 is released on the Asian piracy market some time in 2007.
George Merchan says: Since my co-editor and good friend Charlie Brigden is locked away in a 6x6 cell using a Commodore 64, let me just quickly surmise that the 300 trailer is visual poetry (the likes of which haven't been seen on celluloid before) with scattered bits of melodramatic dialogue (that may or may not make you cringe). I dug it, and I hope the final product is something a bit more substantial than say, Frank Miller's Sin City. For you worker bees who can't see the video, here are a few choice stills I took from the trailer:
Source: Apple, Warner Bros.
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Geek Pin-Up #11: Barbara Crampton
"NYAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!"
"That was great, darling. Try and emphasize the moral dilemma of your Hippocratic Oath being tested by the wounded 10-penised killer space-slug calling for help."
"NYAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!"
"That's great! Now, with more ass."
"NYAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!"
Scream-Queens are great. We'll be covering one a week with our love here on TFL this October. First up: Barbara Crampton. NYAAAARRRRGGHHH!!!
Barbara gains geek immortality through her working relationship with Stuart Gordon. Stuart Gordon is a very smart, educated man who was involved in counter-cultural theatre in the 60's, worked with David Mamet in the 70's, and made some of the best (violent, gory, perverse, obscene, intelligent, hilarious) horror movies of the 80's. Stuart is one of those great unsung heroes who realised, by chance or design, that his intelligence and skill was best suited to z-grade horror rather than 'high' art and, like an inner-city school-teacher, dedicated his career to making his un-loved and forgotten world better, one decapitation at a time.
Stuart is great, but what he isn't is hot and blond, which Barbara Crampton is. Look:
In Re-Animator she was cast as the cute girlfriend and 'daughter of the school dean', where she starts off wearing nice sweaters and ends up naked on a dissection table being molested by the severed head of an evil doctor.
In From Beyond she was cast as a repressed research scientist who wears glasses that ends up in full on bondage gear, stimulating her co-worker's engorged pineal gland while being molested by monsters from a different dimension.
She could pull off the trick of starting out very prim and sweet and ending up really dirty better than anyone and for this my adolescence salutes her, if only for a few seconds at a time.
Barbara has kept a roof over her head by appearing on soap operas and other shows not involving re-animated corpses, which is good for her but, good for us, she is now lined up to play the first lady in Stuart Gordon's House of Re-Animator, in which the zombies get into the White House. Let's hope she ends up in a shredded burka being molested by the severed head of Dick Cheney.
NYYYAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!
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Happy Birthday, Donald Pleasence!
Donald Pleasence would have been 87 today if he wasn't dead. Happy Birthday, Donald Pleasence!
Career highlights include playing Blofeld in the Bond movies and Dr. Sam Loomis in Halloween. Career lowlights include being typecast as a weasily psychopath just because of how he looked and played Dr. Sam Loomis in most of the Halloween sequels.Did you know that he was in the RAF during WW2? Did you know that he was in a POW camp for a year and was tortured? Did you know that he was a conscientious objector at first? Do any of these facts give us insight into his life as an actor? Do they prove that my research for this article went no further than Wikipedia?
These are the questions Donald has taken to his grave. No-one could even tell us what music he had at his funeral. However, the weather has changed here in England, and we won't see the sun again until next May, so I want a reason to feel good. Happy Birthday, Donald Pleasence - I'm going to drink myself stupid tonight on account of you.
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Wednesday, October 04, 2006
A Dent In The Dark Knight's Armor
In yet another stunning turn of events for Warner Bros.' upcoming sequel to Batman Begins, Christopher Nolan once again tells us what we already pretty much knew by now. Nolan just recently told IGN FilmForce that Gotham District Attorney Harvey Dent, better known to the world at large as the gruesome villain Two-Face, will be appearing in The Dark Knight.
"I haven't finished the script yet. I'm supposed to be doing it right now," Nolan admitted, sparking laughter from the crowd. "It does, absolutely. It's a pretty direct continuation of where the last film left off, and the last scene of Batman Begins suggests a strong direction we wanted to take the story in. It absolutely carries on with a lot of the thematic concerns and hopefully takes it someplace new."
When we asked if District Attorney Harvey Dent – a.k.a. Batman's future nemesis Two-Face – would indeed be in the film, Nolan replied, "I don't want to go into too many specifics. Yes, he is."
So no real news here, honestly. Harvey Dent was pretty much a shoo-in to appear, given the less bombastic, more actual crime-oriented feel of Nolan's Batman franchise. Still no word on who's going to be playing him, or if we're going to see his infamous scars in the upcoming film. What a tease.
I do hope that he's not merely a cameo appearance. Two-Face is one of Batman's more interesting villains, because of the past they share in both of his identities. That relationship needs to be built up, and Harvey needs to be presented as a real character, not just an actor waiting until they put that inevitable makeup on him.
And why Lego, you might ask? Simply put, Legos are awesome. And a Two-Face Lego is twice as awesome.
Source: IGN FilmForce
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Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, 10/4/06
Back once again to give you the low down on the Halloween happenings. Tonight might at least hold a scare or two, a Zuni death doll, and a little gore porn.
Cinemax - Apparently there was a made for TV anthology piece that came out in the seventies called Trilogy of Terror. Being just a wee tyke I think I missed it. Either that or the therapy worked. Well twenty one years later out comes Trilogy of Terror II. This is what you could see if you tuned in to Max at 3:00 this afternoon. According to IMDB you'll get "three tales of terror: in "The Graveyard Rats" lovers murder the woman's older husband and encounter horror when they attempt to rob his grave; "Bobby" is the story of a woman who summons her son back from the dead; and in "He Who Kills" an African doll goes on a murderous rampage."
Showtime - At 10:15 tonight you can catch Saw. If you haven't seen it then this would be a good opportunity. This way you don't have to admit to paying for it like I did. I went in completely blind. I'd been cut off (heh) from pretty much all movie news and reviews due to a job change. I had some free time and the poster looked absolutely fantastic. Sure the acting is bad and the premise is waaaay out there, but if you're into gimmicky serial killer then go for it. There's some serious gore here if memory serves and some ingenious traps. This movie plus a bottle of your favorite intoxicant could be good times. But if you like your horror smart or are a big fan of Se7en (god it's hard to type it that way) then watch that instead.
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Continue reading Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, 10/4/06Ghost Poster
Ghost Rider stars Nicholas Cage as a stuntbike rider who turns into a flaming skulled demon. Ghost Rider is directed by Mark Steven Johnson who directed Daredevil, which was also rubbish. Ghost Rider co-stars Eva Mendes, who has the decency to be very hot. Ghost Rider is released into American theatres on February 16th 2007, which gives you enough warning to avoid cinemas on February 16th 2007. Ghost Rider now has an official poster, which is slightly better than the first teaser trailer, which is here and rubbish.
Please note the look of terror in Nicolas Cage's eyes. I think it is meant to be a 'tough guy with a tortured soul' face, but it looks more like somone looking at his career on February 17th 2007. Please note the corner of Eva Mendes' mouth, turned in and slightly up in a rueful smirk of complete apathy. I think it is meant to be a 'tough chick with a smouldering sensuality' face, but it looks more like what Eva might do if I gave her a chat-up line.
Please note the 'hero carrying an unconscious damsel' pose, lifted straight from 80's video covers (here). See also the flames and the bike and the more flames and the skulls and the spiked back wheel right next to the seat that honestly looks more like a specialist sex-toy than a means of transport. Then note the tagline 'Long ago he made a deal to save someone he loved' and wonder why, with a film so blatantly aimed at the young and stupid male market, the marketing department would bother shoving some female-oriented blather into the mix. Firm belief in the films' wide-appeal or desperate attempt to get anyone at all to see this movie?
I really don't like the look of this movie and I have no intention of seeing it. The last film I said that about was Fantastic Four, which was actually quite good fun.
Source: Superhero Hype! Message Boards
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Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Two Chins, A 'Stach And A Donut Shop
Hey, it's October, so we will be reporting on a lot of horror-related stuff this month in celebration of Halloween. Coinciding with the run-up to fall's most glorious holiday is the announcement that a semi-popular B-horror movie starring some well known genre regulars will hit the DVD market on November 14th. The film I'm speaking of is the 1988 cheapie Maniac Cop, which stars the stretched mug of blue collar acting hero Bruce Campbell (of the Evil Dead films, if you didn't know), the lamp-jawed mass known as Robert Z'Dar (Tango and Cash, Soultaker, Future War, other shit films) and the hairy-lipped masculinity of Tom Atkins (Night of the Creeps, Lethal Weapon, Halloween III).
The story involves a bizarre series of murders in New York City that have been blamed on a man in a police uniform. Campbell plays a young officer who finds himself being wrongfully accused of the killings. Atkins is the detective investigating the murders, but the clues don't seem to add up right to the seasoned investigator and city officials seem all too eager to sweep the case under the rug. He and Campbell's rookie cop then team up to track down the real killer, a superhuman cop-monster (played by Z'Dar) that seems willing to mow down anyone, cop or civilian, who gets in its way.
Z'Dar would go on to play the "copster" in two more Maniac Cop movies. Campbell would sign on for one more, but he had the good sense to avoid the third. The original movie is pretty fun though, what with the hulking killer tearing through victims like box after box of hot Krispy Kremes and Campbell and Atkins making the less bloody scenes seem better than they are.
DVD Active has the scoop on the impending release. Click the picture above to see the full cover art. A healthy dose of special features will come with the film, including a new anamorphic transfer from the original vault materials, new DTS 6.1 and Dolby Digital 5.1 audio tracks made especially for this release, a commentary track with Actor Bruce Campbell, Producer Larry Cohen and others, the theatrical trailer, television spots, additional scenes filmed exclusively for Japanese television and a new featurette with Actor Robert Z’Dar.
Source: DVD Active
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Matt Damon Will Hit Mexicans With Newspapers
I spent ten minutes making this shitty photoshopped picture just for this news post. The awkward blur in the crosshairs that looks like a smeared gravy stain smiling is Gael García Bernal. That's mostly because Jason Bourne might be shooting glamorous looking Mexicans for his next outing.
The Hollywood Reporter is reporting a report (I'm clever!) that suggests the charismatic actor most famous for his part in the multistory tragedy Amores perros and in Alfonso "I made the first Harry Potter movie that was not boring" Cuarón's Y tu mamá también might be battling Matt Damon to the death. This is not unlike that time Kevin Smith tried to kill Matt Damon and his career with Dogma. No, I did not like Dogma. Leave me alone.
The Bourne Ultimatum, which is the third film in the already great franchise, apparently follows the amnesia ridden super assassin as he tries to pick up pieces of his past. Unfortunately, for some reason, this attracts the attention of a wispy Mexican ultra killer that wants to most likely punch Jason Bourne and shoot him until death. The film has already started shooting this week, but has not officially cast the ultra killer part. The offer has been thrown out to Bernal who has yet to confirm interests.
If you have not seen the other two movies in this franchise you need to do so right now. You need to watch it and be mesmerized by Brian Cox in all his plump little glory. You also need to see Matt Damon's only role I actually enjoyed watching him in. You also need to see Joan Allen play one of the few modern female roles that has some authority and power to it without feeling forced. Just ignore Julia Stiles, though. I'm pretty sure she just got lost on the set and they offered her a bucket of heroin in return for her to play her relatively quiet role that no one cares about.
I myself wonder if this is the same role Robin Williams was being considered for. It could also be the same one Ben Affleck was rumored to take up awhile ago as well. Both of those choices are scary to consider, and I imagine Matt Damon stumbling to fire the Affleck symbol into the sky so Kevin Smith can swoop in driving his Smithmobile (a Winnebago) and convince Affleck to do Jersey Girl 2 while Matt Damon makes a decent movie for a change. Bernal on the other hand seems a strange but compelling choice. I've only seen him in The Motorcycle Diaries where he turned out a pretty great performance. I eagerly await to see his most recent film, Michel Gondry's The Science of Sleep, especially after my fellow writer Shane Yaroch turned out liking it.The Bourne Ultimatum is supposed to emerge in all its glory in August of next year and is being directed by Paul Greengrass. Paul Greengrass directed United 93, the last Bourne movie, and should have really directed Watchmen. Most of the cast is returning, including Joan Allen and Julia Stiles. Along with that they've added David Strathairn who is pretty awesome save for when he was in the The River Wild, which we'll forget all about because he was in Good Night, and Good Luck.
Source: The Hollywood Reporter
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