Friday, October 27, 2006
Trailer: Smokin' Aces
"You're steering hard, playa!"
Joe Carnahan's Smokin' Aces may in fact become the film that TFL pimps without mercy or shame this upcoming year. I mean, first Carnahan unleashed Narc back in 2002, the absolutely fantastic police procedural that featured two powerhouse performances in Ray Liotta and Jason Patric. Then, back in August, a teaser trailer for Smokin' Aces was quietly unleashed that was both great fun and awesomely energetic, and boasted a terrific cast that impressed me almost as much as The Departed's did (but in a different way).
Now, Yahoo! Movies has got the latest full trailer up (in HD too) and we're finally given a bit of story debriefing, a perhaps more accurate look at the film's tone, and quite simply a straight up crazy-as-shit ride. But enough of my gibberish. Go see for yourself and bask in its coked up glory.
Smokin' Aces is currently set to be awesome on March 2nd.
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Sneak Peek: Masters of Horror - Season 2
As Showtime's Masters of Horror anthology series begins its second season, the hype is centered around the impressive array of genre directors working on the series, a list which includes legends like John Carpenter (Halloween), Dario Argento (Suspiria), Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator) and John Landis (An American Werewolf in London), as well as newer names like Norio Tsuruta (Ringu 0) and Rob Schmidt (Wrong Turn). But the real stars of the series are the writers, who are giving these directors the interesting concepts that seem so rare in Hollywood these days. Many of the older directors seem reinvigorated by these fun and risky scripts, most notably John Carpenter, who did his best work in at least a decade on last season's Cigarette Burns.
Horror anthologies have always been a fun concept, bringing the challenge of a fresh idea every week, and it makes sense to run a horror series on a pay channel, unhampered by FCC censorship or studio exec micromanagement (don't ask me how this situation resulted in HBO's idiotic Tales From the Crypt series). The good guys never seem to win an unqualified victory in Masters of Horror stories, and even the more comedic episodes don't skimp on either the blood or the darkness. The hour-long format doesn't limit the creativity, but on the contrary, seems to discourage the worst tendencies of genre writers, eliminating unnecessary exposition. In the Tobe Hooper-directed The Damned Thing, which kicks off the season tonight, the nature of the Evil Force is hinted at but never explained, leaving us with the same uncertainty the characters are experiencing. If this had been a two-hour movie, we would have had to sit through a boring, cliche-ridden scene of a scary old man or a scientist confined in a mental asylum explaining the whole thing, and the explanation would inevitably disappoint us.
Each director brings their own personality and talents to their material. While The Damned Thing doesn't have the visceral realness of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Tobe Hooper does bring out the brutality in his rural Texas setting (and horror fans will get a kick out of Ted Raimi's evil performance). John Landis is as witty as ever in Family, a look at the underbelly of sunny, suburban life that feels much fresher than American Beauty ever did, with a performance by George Wendt that's both creepy and funny, and a rousing soundtrack of vintage gospel. And Bonez director Ernest Dickerson lends his Whedonesque vampire story The V Word some beautiful, classic horror imagery and atmosphere (this guy used to be Spike Lee's cinematographer, so he knows how to make the camera work for him).
What makes me most interested in seeing the rest of the season (aside from a promo pic of Christopher Lloyd looking like Lance Henriksen) is the political angle that seems to be present in so many of the stories. Last season, Joe Dante's Homecoming, which featured Gulf War soldiers returning to life to eat the brains of Republican spin doctors, and Takeshi Miike's abortion-themed Imprint, seemed to get the most attention for the series, and perhaps that has inspired Showtime to encourage the writers to delve further into the hot-button issues of the day. This season, Rob Shmidt's Right to Die sounds like a supernatural retelling of the Terri Schiavo affair, John Carpenter's Pro-Life is about a woman trying to get her demonic seed aborted, and Joe Dante's The Screwfly Solution imagines a world where all men have turned into psychotic berserkers intent on killing every woman they see, a somewhat exaggerated take on the misogyny that pervades our culture. The best horror has always been a response to what's happening in the real world, and while Homecoming was not exactly a serious work of satire, and Imprint seems to be leaving viewers more grossed out than moved, the possibility of some serious satirical horror coming out of the series is a tantalizing one.
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Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, Weekend Edition
Boy if you can't find something that floats your boat on TV this weekend then there just ain't no pleasing you. There are over fifty programs on eight channels celebrating all things mysterious and spooky and I probably missed a few. So here you go, fill out you TV planners for the weekend and enjoy!
AMC - No Michael in sight for the weekend. Plenty of time for him on Tuesday. In case you missed some goodies the first time around there are plenty of repeats, but there are also quite a few we haven't seen yet.
Tonight:
6:00 PM Hellraiser
8:00 PM Friday the 13th Part 2
9:45 PM Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
11:30 PM Wolfen
Saturday, October 28
2:00 AM Hellbound: Hellraiser II
4:00 AM Cat People
6:30 AM Frankenstein Conquers the World
8:15 AM The Invisible Man
9:45 AM The Invisible Man Returns
11:30 AM The Wolf Man
1:00 PM Creature from the Black Lagoon
2:45 PM Nightmare on Elm Street
4:30 PM Friday the 13th Part 2
6:15 PM Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
8:00 PM The Exorcist
10:30 PM Exorcist II: The Heretic
Sunday, October 29
1:00 AM The Exorcist III: The Legion
2:15 AM Movies That Shook the World: The Exorcist
2:45 AM House II: The Second Story
4:30 AM The Phantom of the Opera
6:15 AM The Wolf Man
7:45 AM Dracula
9:15 AM The Mummy
10:45 AM Frankenstein
12:15 PM The Lost Boys
2:15 PM Child's Play
4:00 PM Children of the Corn
6:00 PM Gothika
8:00 PM The Exorcist
10:30 PM Exorcist II: The Heretic
ABC - At 8:00 PM I know I'll be watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown---40th Anniversary. I'm not sure what added content there will be since the cartoon is a half hour and this special is a full hour, but I'm game. These cartoon specials don't get the love they once did. I'm sure it's because they're seriously dated, but I just can't see the Simpsons Halloween specials getting the same love in forty years.
Showtime - 10:00 PM brings us the premier of the second season of Masters of Horror. We previewed it here and it looks exciting. The Damned Thing is first up to bat. Tomorrow night you can catch a marathon of Dexter from 8-12.
Bravo - Tonight they mix some classic moments of film with two actual modern masterpieces.
4-7 PM Scariest Moments In Film
7-9 PM Even Scarier Movie Moments
9:00 PM Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
11:00 PM Friday the 13th
TCM - Tonight is zombie night on Turner. After that there's some classic horror sci-fi and other creepiness to round out the weekend.
8:00 PM White Zombie (1932)
9:15 PM I Walked With A Zombie (1943)
10:30 PM The Walking Dead (1936)
11:45 PM Creature With the Atom Brain (1955)
Saturday, October 28
1:00 AM The Mysterious Doctor (1943)
2:00 AM Night of the Living Dead (1968)
3:45 AM The Crazies (1973)
8:30 AM The Quatermass Xperiment (1956)
2:00 PM The Haunting (1963)
4:00 PM The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
6:00 PM King Kong (1933)
Monday, October 30th
12:00 AM The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
2:00 AM Eyes Without a Face (1960)
4:00 AM The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (1939)
Sci-Fi - The offerings for today were listed yesterday so here's the rest of what's coming this weekend. It's wall to wall movies mixed with some King mini-series. There's not much greatness here, but we're taking the good with the bad.
Saturday October 28
9:00 AM Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood
11:00 AM The Fog
1:00 PM Jason X
3:00 PM Mortuary
5:00 PM Village of the Damned
7:00 PM Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings
9:00 PM Pumpkinhead III: Ashes to Ashes
11:00 PM Gargoyles: Wings of Darkness
Sunday, October 28
2:00 AM Stinger
4:00 AM Tail Sting
8:00 AM Sometimes They Come Back
10:00 AM Sometimes They Come Back ... For More
12:00 PM Stephen King's Rose Red pt 1
2:00 PM Stephen King's Rose Red pt 2
4:00 PM Stephen King's Rose Red pt 3
6:00 PM The Dark
8:00 PM Stir of Echoes
10:00 PM It Waits
Monday October 30
1:00 AM Trucks
3:00 AM The Howling
History - The History Channel is serving up the intellectual horror with a few well placed documentaries. I say play your strong suit and have fun!
8:00 PM The Haunted History of Halloween
Saturday, October 28th
8:00 PM Skeletons on the Sahara
10:00 PM Quest for Dragons
Sunday, October 29th
7:00 PM Vampire Secrets
10:00 PM Fear Files: Zombies
Well that's all for now. See you Monday to round out this year's festivities.
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DVD Invasion - Week Of 10/24/06
I wish I could tell you that a bunch of killer horror movies have been released this week to get you revved up for your pre-Halloween fiendishness, but I can't. There is only one decent horror film in the following group, but seeing it isn't going to make you cower in a well-lit corner, praying for the daylight. It may make you pray for the end credits or reach for something more effective to watch. I'll quit with the innuendo and get to the specifics...
SlitherYeah, this is the one I was talking about. Slither sounds like the right horror movie at the right time. It's got the justifiably-excessive gore that most of today's soft, PG-13 movies can't manage, from a director (James Gunn of 2004's Dawn of the Dead remake) who got his start at the excessively tacky Troma Studios. It's full of potentially witty dialogue and homages galore to the pre-Scream horror movies many people hold close to their hearts (like The Blob, Night of the Living Dead and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, to name a few). Blood, laughs and tips of the hat may be enough for most people to enjoy this one, but the components that make Slither sound so good only cause me to yearn for a similar film that has yet to see its DVD debut, Night of the Creeps. Maybe Gunn was thinking about that film, and its absence from the digital format, when he decided to create something with a familiar feel. Maybe there is no such thing as an original horror film anymore. Nah, that's a cop-out.
MONSTER WITH A GOOEY ROOKER CENTER features include a commentary track with Director James Gunn and Actor Nathan Fillion, a "Making Of: The Sick Minds and Slimy Days of Slither" featurette, deleted and extended scenes, a gag reel, a "Bringing Slither's Creatures To Life" featurette, and a Slither set tour with Nathan Fillion.
Nacho LibreNot every movie this month is scary, unless you're scared of pudgy Mexican wrestlers, and then it's probably time for you to stop watching movies and start slurping codeine-based cough medicines. Jack Black stars as Nacho, a humble monk with two passions: a fighting ring full of sweaty, masked men pouncing on each other and the safety of the orphans who live under the care of the monastery he shares with them. He enters a contest involving the former so he can win a prize to serve the needs of the latter. Nacho hides his wrestling activities even as he tries to convince others, including a newly-arrived nun (played by south-of-the-border starlet Ana de la Reguera) that the life of a luchador isn't a shameful pursuit. Even though the story sounds a little sappy, I find it difficult to deny Black the benefit of the doubt. He continues to take chances with the fame he's accumulated, and that's hardly ever a bad thing. Plus, Director Jared Hess was responsible for Napoleon Dynamite. That may tempt several of you.
MAS NACHOS ES MUY TELEPHONO features include a commentary track by Actor Jack Black, Director Jared Hess and Writer Mike White, deleted scenes, a Nacho Libre comic book mask creator, 5 "Behind-the-scenes" featurettes, a photo gallery and "Jack Sings!".
An American HauntingSo, how many times did you pass your cursor over that goddamn web ad that screams at you and pops up the dehydrated face of a demon in a child's bonnet? I did it as recently as last night, and it still makes me jump when my speakers are turned on. If I ever run across the smartass who designed that ad, I'll do something meaningful and lasting to his sense of well-being. Sorry, Employee of the Month at Marketings-R-Us, but your clever ad has poisoned my interest in this movie. Who gives a shit if it's based on the only validated case (by the State of Tennessee) of a haunting that caused the death of a person? The deceased in question may have tripped over a dog and impaled himself/herself on a chainsaw sculpture, for all we know. Stop blaming ghosts for your clumsiness, residents of Tennessee. We all know that three-day-old corn squeezings had something to do with it. I get the feeling that the records department for the State of Tennessee is chock-full of validated bullshit of one consistency or another, so swallow the authenticity of this haunting with a mound of salt. The movie stars unashamed southern gal Sissy Spacek, Donald Sutherland (Kiefer's hard-working pops) and a few other people. Watch this one with the lights on, if only to more easily locate the remote so you can turn it off after a few minutes.
CASPER WAS A KLANSMAN features include video commentary by Director Courtney Solomon, alternate and deleted scenes, an interview with Director Solomon and Actress Sissy Spacek, internet promotions, a trailer and TV spots.
Monster HouseHere's a film that brings to life every kid's fear of a spooky vacant house. Combine that theme with the latest developments in computer animation, and you have the ingredients for a soon-to-be classic family film. Maybe the younger children won't feel comfortable with its moderate intensity, but viewers of every age between pre-teen and death-by-natural-causes will appreciate the atmospheric antics. DJ and his two friends, Chowder and Jenny, believe an old house has come to life and is eating people. Of course, the grown-ups don't believe them, which leads the trio into the mouth of the beast/house. Maggie Gyllenhaal (Secretary), Jason Lee (My Name Is Earl), and Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) lend their voices to the effort. Would it be more scary to know that Kathleen Turner gives her raspy voice to the house itself? You bet it would!
MONSTER HOUSE ATE THE MONSTER SQUAD! features include a filmmaker commentary track, seven featurettes, "Evolution of a Scene: Eliza vs. Nebbercracker," "The Art of Monster House" photo gallery, a DVD-ROM link to games, and downloads & activities.
Reservoir Dogs - 15th Anniversary EditionDoes it make you feel old to know that Reservoir Dogs is 15 years old? It's not necessary to feel that way for those of you like me, who found the movie at least a couple of years after it premiered. But then some of you reading this are only in your teens or twenties, so you may have discovered this film last week. That makes me feel old. My appreciation for, and my general happiness with, Quentin Tarantino's first two films make it difficult for me to remember which I saw first. That's probably because I instinctively laid the two into the proper order in terms of sophistication and forgot about the chronological order. Dogs has always seemed like a trial run for Pulp Fiction. Nearly everything in Tarantino's first film is refined and filtered through a more discerning director's eye by the second. Plus, the story is just more engaging in Pulp.
But you know already if you love this film or not, so it's time to decide if you're going to buy the DVD again. The previous 2-disc limited edition (celebrating the 10th anniversary) looks like it contains several features that are missing from this new edition. Obviously, the folks who put this edition together are hoping that the cool-looking gas can packaging will make you forget that. Sometimes novelty packaging can enhance a DVD's value, both in terms of collectibility and attractiveness. In this case, I don't think it makes much difference. Some people have complained that the case is difficult to open, and looking at it close up gives more of an impression of a large flask than a gas can. Maybe doubling the width would have helped the illusion. Here are the special features, such as they are:
* Select scene audio commentary
* "Playing it Fast and Loose: A Documentary"
* "Profiling Reservoir Dogs" featurette
* "Tipping Guide"
* Deleted scenes
* Classic interviews with Quentin Tarantino and others
* K-Billy Sounds of the 70's
Eat Too Much Candy:
Next week: looks pretty thin.
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In Related News...
We be linkin'!
Will he or won’t he? That’s the question on everybody’s sweaty little lips this week. The Super-Rumor (See what I did there?) of the week is about the possible return of Superman after his first return did not generate the expected returns for Universal. Fanboys are shivering with the hope that their beloved Kryptonian will be back. Internet pundits are shivering in fear that they may have been proven wrong. Human stick insect Kate Bosworth is shivering like wind chimes when a small breeze blows through.
The rumor says this sequel will follow the laws of diminishing returns and be made with a reduced budget. We here at TFL have production photos that prove this to be totally and completely true. Like totally. No, seriously, I’m not making this up. Here are the secret set shots recovered from the dead fingers of our spy.
Saw 3 opens today and will probably dominate the bow office like it’s predecessors. The B-movie fan in me can’t help but admire an exploitation flick that regenerates itself every Halloween, much to the shock and disgust of highbrow film geeks. Just fish the monocles out of your apple martinis and shut-up, you elitist snobs. The rest of us TFLers can keep it real by checking out this satiric bit of ironic tomfoolery. So edgy!
The trailer for Bob Odenkirk’s new comedy, Let’s Go To Prison, crept onto the internet with all the fanfare of a wet fart. The comedy hipsters here will recognize star Will Arnett from Arrested Development, the television comedy we love wringing our hands over. This sucker comes out in a few weeks and nobody’s heard shit about it. This means two things- A) Bob’s film will become a cult favorite because the Normals are too stupid to appreciate a comedy about prison rape. B) Will Arnett is poison. DON’T HIRE HIM!
Here’s a nice little Odenkirk interview that mentions another surefire hit he’s developing called The Fuck Up. Boy, does this guy know how to play to the fly-over states or what?
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Thursday, October 26, 2006
In Your Face, Beowulf!
Robert Zemeckis is finally putting his beloved motion capture CGI animation process to proper use. Instead of terrifying us all with films about soulless doll people riding Hell's train to Santa Claus' fascist sweat factory, he is applying the inherently creepy technology to an actual monster movie.
Beowulf, a collaboration with geek golden boys Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman, is set to open in November of next year. But that's not all! The Z man (looking uglier than Grendel himself) is delivering this potentially awesome cartoon in 3-D! Click it here for the full scoop.This has the potential to be a spectacular adventure. Let's just hope Zemeckis doesn't give in to his usual demons and force a bunch of masturbatory effects shots just for their own sake. I'd hate to see Beowulf sling a 3-D yo-yo RIGHT INTO YOUR FACE! At any rate, we'll all know in a few months when he releases the five minute mini-version he calls a trailer.
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Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, 10/26/06
Tonight and going into tomorrow looks like a good warm up for a weekend of spooks, serial killers, and sasquatches. Stay tuned true believers and see!
AMC - If I had a TiVo it would be slam full of old school horror thanks to AMC. Tonight (after the required showing of the Halloween sequels ) all kinds of pleasures, guilty and non, await.
I discovered Clive Barker in high school and consumed the Books of Blood like they were candy. That probably wasn't very good for my mental health, but his adaptation of one of those stories is certainly a horror fave. Pinhead ecplises any of the 20th century icons of horror in my mind as truly the most evil creature created. It's probably the accent that caps it. Nothing says malicious fuck quite like Doug Bradley's particular British accent.- 6:15 PM Halloween: Resurrection
- 8:00 PM Hellraiser
- 10:00 PM Hellbound: Hellraiser II
Friday, October 27, 2006
- 12:00 AM Puppetmaster
- 1:45 AM Pinata: Survival Island
- 3:30 AM The Fly (1958)
- 5:30 AM Terror of Mechagodzilla
- 7:00 AM Curse of the Fly
- 8:45 AM The Mummy
- 10:15 AM The Mummy's Hand
- 11:45 AM The Phantom of the Opera (1962)
- 1:30 PM Wolfen
- 4:00 PM The Fly 1986
Sci-Fi - As we have come to anticipate there's just a whole bunch of badness here. I'll cop to actually liking bits of Resident Evil. I never did get around to playing any of the video game version, but a few beers and a good buddy made the movie fun. Cocaine probably couldn't do anything for the rest of these stinkers though. Still, what kind of host would I be if I didn't at least let you make your own decisions.Thursday, October 26, 2006
- 7:00 PM Resident Evil
- 9:00 PM Haunted Prison
- 11:00 PM Amityville: A New Generation
Friday, October 27, 2006
- 9:00 AM Howling IV: The Original Nightmare
- 11:00 AM Sasquatch Hunters
- 1:00 PM The Shining - miniseries parts 1-3
Fuse - This channel has pretty much hit it out of the park the last three nights. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) airs tonight at 8:00. This is definitely a must see. Very loosely based on the life of serial killer Ed Gein, it's really just about this family of cannibals having their way with some teens. But then you probably know that.TNT - In the "Anthology I Could Maybe Get Behind" dept, TNT decided to have one based on Nightmares and Dreamscapes. I haven't seen any episodes, but tonight you can watch two. "Battleground" is about a hitman getting paid back by some toy executive's army men. It's a favorite short of mine and one that could be cool if done right. It's on at 8:00 followed by "Crouch End". I don't recall the story it's based on, but here's the premise, "A newlywed American couple (Bailey and Forlani) honeymooning in London goes to Crouch End to have dinner with a friend. They soon learn the town is not what it appears to be, and the more they get lost, the more they become trapped in another dimension." I know, I know, it's still a King adaptation. *sigh*
History - The History channel gets into the spirit with Monsters at 8:00. It's a documentary that "explores the stories, events, legends, and myths that captivate the imagination and ignite fierce debate. We take a look at various historical monsters" Expect a lot of vampire movie stock footage. Just a hunch.
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Which Was Worse? - The Grand Final
What I have learnt from this battle royale is that three really is the magic number for Internet articles. And as this is now part five, I think it's a good idea to make this the last one. Batman & Robin came out worst in the last round on a technicality, though special mention must go to Catwoman and the 'I really have to see it now' Troll 2. So, for this grand final we have a post-apocalytpic Thunderdome cage match between the previous winners: Superman IV, Van Helsing, Attack of the Clones and Batman And Robin.
Just a quick reminder of each film:
Superman IV
"Rarr! I'm Nuclear Man!"
Van Helsing
"I'm hoooollllooooowwwwww!!!"
Attack of the Clones
"I'm beside myself!"
Batman & Robin
"Chicks really do dig the car, bitch!"
One last time now: Which was worse? You decide!
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Continue reading Which Was Worse? - The Grand Final
Just a quick reminder of each film:
"Rarr! I'm Nuclear Man!"
"I'm hoooollllooooowwwwww!!!"
"I'm beside myself!"
"Chicks really do dig the car, bitch!"
One last time now: Which was worse? You decide!
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Halloween@TFL: Pixellated Rebellion - Week Of 10/25/06
Hey it's Pixellated Rebellion! The Halloween edition! I think I'm the only one here at TFL that hates Halloween. Children and teenagers scampering across your front lawn whilst their terrifying howls of laughter tear your spinal column asunder. One dopey kid is dressed as a half assed ninja with a black towel as his mask, but yet you are still obligated, nay, forced to hand him Butterfingers. Get a fucking job, Billy.
Now on with the column.
CONFESSIONS OF A GIANT PUSSY - PART I
I am not a fan of horror games. I don't think I've ever really finished one because I just get easily scared when I play them. It's not really a screaming howling kind of scared, it's more the kind that makes you quietly grasp your bed sheets and wonder what the fuck that black blob in the corner of your room may be. Aliens? Spooky little girls with long hair? Pyramid Head here to rape you? WHO KNOWS.
Okay, so depending on the game it is a screaming and howling kind of scared.
With all this in mind I thought it would be an interesting venture and lazy way to fill out the article if I made a journal of playing a bit of the horror/action FPS F.E.A.R. After all, the expansion for it and a new Xbox 360 version of the game is arriving here very shortly. And it's also Halloween, and I am obligated by the laws of TFL that were brought down the mountain by Moses himself to write something Halloweeny. The laws also say that you have to write a pin-up eventually, otherwise everyone on the writing team can call you a gay.
So, I did about the first two or three hours of the game in journal form. Today you get the short half of it, but on Halloween it'll be much longer and funnier, as I actually screamed like a woman at two points in the second part.
For now, here's the first bit. Click the pictures for bigger ones that are just filled to the brim with Halloween fun! Especially that one with the bloody face and creepy eye! Fun! I promise!
WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 19, 2006
10:12 p.m.: Finally got everything working. Earphones are on and it’s pitch black save for the warm glow of my computer. Someone is right next to me, but the idea that another form is within my boundaries only makes this scarier. He could turn into a zombie after all.
10:19 p.m.: I have already jumped in fear during the graphics test. A barrel exploded without warning, and my eyes turned to small planets at the sudden noise. I already see my relationship with this game will be the battered wife sort. While he’s beating me with a tire iron I’ll feel obligated to stick around because he really loves me.
I know that was terrible.
10:28 p.m.: Okay, so the voice acting isn’t exactly top notch. A loud mouth archetype named Jankowsi and random hot Asian techie are talking about the guy who likes to eat people because a little girl is in his head. His name is Paxton Fettel. I am stricken with envy, as that is an awesome name. I’d make people call me absurd shit like "The Furious" Fettel if I had that name.
10:37 p.m.: OH FUCKS YOU. Yes, very funny you fucking developers. A light suddenly, and for no reason, breaking on the ceiling with all the sound of a train crash has caused me to spittle the fluids out of my mouth.
10:43 p.m.: A door slammed in my face.
10:45 p.m.: I am now moving in slow motion for no real reason and creepy things are happening. Jankowski is disappearing and shit and I have no idea what is going on. Someone's whispering random stuff.
10:46 p.m.: Well, we have found the place where that burny marshmallow face guy is residing. The same guy who was kind enough to slam into my thoughts and cause me fear and unrest for the remainder of the night.
Oh, yes, now Jankowski wants me to go off by myself to search the place. Fuck. You.
10:48 p.m.: Thanks, Jankowski! Because of you I was checked in the face by Paxton "The Furious" Fettel. Now he's talking about why he killed someone. I'm wondering why I can't lift my arm and blow his brains out.
10:51 p.m.: I see helicopters showing up outside now. Good response time, guys! Show up in helicopters after I get fucked up by the bad guy!
10:53 p.m.: Hot azn lady is examining marshmallow melting face man. Even though I saw Paxton Fettel, my character is stupidly standing there without a word, most likely staring at azn lady's ass. Much like I myself am now doing.
Yes, I know it's a video game. Shut up.
CRANKY CASTLEVANIA
Warren Ellis is sort of like that crazed, rancorous old man that often stays slouched in his wheelchair outside of your local Dunkin' Donuts. He wears a smelly brown fedora that he's supposedly had since 1929 when he wrestled it from the gnarled hands of an Irish hitman out to steal his special brain secrets from his days in the C.I. of A. Never will this old man stop telling insane but ultimately compelling stories, and every once and awhile he'll intercede it with incoherent scientific ramblings that will some how make sense. And ultimately you'll love him for it.The writer of the comic all TFL seems to obsess over, Nextwave, and also the creator of the character that too many people obsess over, Spider Jerusalem, will supposedly be writing a DTV Castlevania animated movie. I am for most things Ellis is going to write. Castlevania, however, gives me nothing but a cold and empty response. I played it some when I was younger, but I was never a huge fan. Also, if one isn't careful with it I'm sure it could turn out horrible. It is vampires were talking about here. The last vampire film I remember was Underworld 2.
But since Warren Ellis has handled zombies, British space travel, barbarians, and Broccoli Men, I'm sure he'll do just fine with the vampires. I mean just look at that picture of him. It looks like it was taken during the Civil War. No, not the Marvel one, because that one is a bad war. A very bad war. I'm talking about the good one.
No one really knows what it is about, and Ellis' post about it is simple and straight forward.
"Apparently I can now tell people that I’m writing a CASTLEVANIA animated film for Project 51 Productions.
So, um. Yeah.
Project 51 will be setting up a production blog for CASTLEVANIA in the near future."
Also, there has been some art pieces for it that was floating about, like this little thing here courtesy of Kotaku:
If this is anything like Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, Mr. Ellis, than I'm out. But I trust you, you crazy old fella. I even believe that story about the time you beat a Jewish robot to death with nothing but a basket of lemons and a cane.
Who wouldn't?
WORTHWHILE RELEASES OF THE WEEK
Dark Messiah of Might and Magic (PC) – October 24, 2006
I have been looking forward to this game for a long time. The idea of a first person melee action game is very appealing, especially after Condemned: Criminal Origins was able to execute those aspects so well. I'd highly recommend it, and if you're a fat lazy bastard, you can download it on Steam to save time. After playing both the single player demo and multiplayer beta, I'm pretty sure this will be a damn fun game.
F.E.A.R. Extraction Point (PC) – October 24, 2006
The expansion pack to the game I hate because it scares me but also because I am a little bitch. I haven't quite finished the game yet, but I have played enough to know that it’s really good at what it tries to do. The action is fun and the scary is effective. I imagine the expansion pack will deliver the same effects.
Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (Every. God. Damn. Thing.) – October 24, 2006
Another game I have been eagerly awaiting. It plays pretty much like Raven Software's other Marvel games, X-Men Legends and Rise of Apocalypse. However, you have 25 characters to choose from this time. Everyone from Captain America to Spider-Man to Namor. Yes, my friends, you can finally play a fish man with wingfeet and green underwear.
I can't wait.
GAME OF UNHEALTHY ANTICIPATION
Red Steel (Wii) – October 10, 2006
It's kind of a difficult thing putting Red Steel here. Anyone who keeps their eye on the Wii and their games know how up and down its hype has been. On one hand you get to live your childhood fantasies as a samurai and pretend to swing a sword around in a wild flail. On the other there have been constant reports of control issues that they haven't really sorted out yet. Then on the other hand the graphics are a little clunky.
Meanwhile, with the other hand you get the multiplayer "Mission mode", where your remote actually rings like a phone, and when you answer it you get an objective you have to accomplish before the other players. Other than realizing I must be Mecha Shiva with all my hands and such, you can see the conundrum a lot of players are having with this game.
It has also been announced that there are preset sword swings depending on the direction and way you whip the Wii-mote about. So that takes it down another peg.
So why is it here?
Because you get to pretend you're swinging a sword around like an idiot in the company of your friends and loved ones.
WA CHAA!
I'm just going to leave the column on WA CHAA! It's edgy. Come back next time to see a longer column and one more relevant to Halloween!
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Bad Box Office Not Kryptonite After All
After failing to take flight in theaters this past summer (to the tune of a loss anywhere between $50 and $200 million dollars, depending on which naysayer you ask), it looked like the Man of Steel would be exiled to the Hollywood Phantom Zone for the forseeable future. Well, somebody at Warner Brothers must be looking out for the boy from Krypton, because according to IESB, a sequel has officially been greenlit, to start production as early as September, 2007.
From IESB:
"When the IESB contacted a studio rep for comments we got this response - Warner Bros. does not comment on projects that are in development. A few calls later, other studio insiders confirmed that the deal was finalized last week and the team that brought Superman Returns to theaters earlier this year will return for the sequel.
We have been told that a couple of things are for certain. For one, the sequel will have a slightly smaller budget. Returns budget was approximately $208 million dollars with P&A (prints and ads) of about $50 million putting it at around $260. The sequel is expected to be around $140-175 million plus marketing.
Second, more action, tons more action is expected this time around. The studio was quite happy with the way Supes was reintroduced to the world and next time around expect to see him in full action battle mode. We’ve been told that Superman will have the battle of his life in the sequel and audiences can expect one of the ultimate baddies in the D.C. universe to come to Metropolis to pick a fight with the Man of Steel."
If you'd asked me yesterday whether there would be a sequel to Superman Returns, I would've said no. In fact, someone did ask me, and I did say no. So now I'm eating crow on that one. Thank you very much for that, Warner Brothers. Still, I have to say I'm pleased to be wrong on this one.
I didn't care much for Returns, thinking it was a dull, joyless exercise in false nostalgia, hearkening too much towards Donner's previous efforts, and bringing nothing of its own to the table. But I still love Superman, and I still think Singer might have it in him to deliver something really spectacular. And that tantalizing bit at the end, "one of the ultimate baddies in the D.C. universe", I can't deny my nerd juices aren't flowing. Mongul? Darkseid? Brainiac? Oh, who could it be?!
I just hope to Rao (KRYPTONIAN RELIGION LOL!) it isn't Zod again.
***UPDATE! 10/30/2006***
Variety now confirms that a Superman Returns sequel, while not officially greenlit yet, is in development. At this point, it seems likely to happen, but these things can change.
Source: IESB, VarietyDiscuss this and other Fakery on our message boards! Continue reading Bad Box Office Not Kryptonite After All
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
News Round-Up: 10/25/06
Japanese letters, beautiful women, and new King books. These are all things I have problems reading and are all in the news this week.
No this isn't a still from Gojira's prostate exam, it's from Clint Eastwood's Letters from Iwo Jima. It's a sister film to Flags of Our Fathers and is told from the Japanese point of view. There are several more at Filmbyen and they're all good. This will hit our beaches February 9th of next year.
Source: Filmbyen
Kim Basinger will be playing a "typical suburban housewife forced to fend for herself when she becomes stranded in a desolate forest with four murderous thugs" in While She Was Out. She's gonna be channeling MacGyver since she has to make do with the contents of a toolkit to thwart the killers. Just goes to show that if you're a babe (even a mature babe) don't go into the woods alone without an automatic weapon. Filming begins in January.
Source: Production Weekly
As one of the few remaining King fans on staff here, I have to say that even I have begun to give up on him and any movie adaptation based in his work. So it's with little hope of anything good that I report that his latest book Cell is being made into a movie. In the book, people are turned into zombies by cell phone signal. Quint (who loves the book) brings AICN an exclusive that Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski are at work on the script. They wrote Man on the Moon and The People vs. Larry Flynt. If this gets produced and is any good then maybe I'll pick up the book.
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The Big Screen: Special Hallowe'en Edition
Vampires, zombies, werewolves, witches, and amateur erotic films. It's time for scary movies all over the world!
Los Angeles:
The Aero Theater is hosting a week-long series of Vampire movies. Hammer classics like The Horror of Dracula, The Brides of Dracula and Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter screen side-by-side with campy flicks like Lost Boys and Roman Polanski's Fearless Vampire Killers. The week climaxes Saturday with a dusk-til-dawn horrorthon featuring Night of the Living Dead, Re-Animator, House by the cemetery, Castle Blood, Pumpkinhead and Burial Ground! On Halloween Night Proper, head over to The Egyptian Theater for a gala Halloween bash featuring a 70mm print of Ghostbusters presented by Ray Parker, Jr., with Forrest J. Ackerman himself in person to sign copies of his new book.
At the New Beverly Cinema, a Melville double feature of Le Circle Rouge and Army of Shadows is well worth your time. On Halloween night, enjoy a double feature of Fright Night and the original Friday the 13th.
The Silent Movie Theater has a week of frights lined up. Thursday night, Lon Chaney in the bizarre horror/crime thriller The Penalty, paired with a Felix the Cat cartoon. Friday night, F.W. Murneau's vampire classic Nosferatu is paired with Harold Lloyd's short Haunted Spooks, and another Felix toon. And on Halloween night, it's Lon Chaney's classic Phantom of the Opera, Buster Keaton in The Haunted House, and Felix the Cat Switches Witches. The Phantom is also making an appearance this weekend at The Old Town Music Hall in El Segundo. Meanwhile, more silent fun at Disney Concert Hall, as organist Clark Wilson accompanies John Barrymore in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
At LACMA, catch an early screening of Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus. Not quite a horror movie, but it does appear to have some sort of monster (a man covered in fur) in it.
A very exciting event at UCLA's Royce Hall: Cleveland's legendary post punk band, Pere Ubu will be performing a live score to the scifi flick X: The Man With X-Ray Eyes Sunday night. And as long as we're on the subject, Friday night at Royce Hall features a performance by the very scary avant diva Diamanda Galas!
Of course, I should point out that The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D is playing at The El Capitan. Even though we discussed this on the message boards and concluded that it's really more of a Christmas movie than a Halloween movie, far be it from me to tell anyone what time of year to watch this masterpiece.
And, OK, this isn't really anything to do with movies, but don't you want to go to Lucha Va Voom? Tuesday through Thursday, a dazzling spectacle of masked wrestlers, burlesque dancers and live comedy. How can you beat that?
And, for those not sick of it yet, Rocky Horror is playing the traditional midnight show at both the Nuart on Friday and the Rialto on Saturday, with live casts each night.
New York City:
Anthology Film Archives presents a most unusual program of Halloween films, starting tonight with I, Zombi, a documentary about a man who was severely disfigured as a child, and grew up to be a horror movie host in Kentucky. There's also a program of horror shorts tonight, a screening of Slither presented by The Onion tomorrow, and a very strange Halloween program by Dearraindrop on Friday, featuring "a skeleton swimming in a pool at night, some video of Halloween sites on Virginia Beach, and a haunted movie with sound effects by Ross Goldstein."
Monday at The Makor, catch A Prarie Home Companion, followed by a discussion with Robert Altman and Garison Keillor. If you want to spend Halloween viewing some true horrors, perhaps you'd be interested in the documentary Stalin's Last Purge, a look at the state-sanctioned murder of Jewish actor and activist Solomon Mikhoels.
San Francisco:
Great happenings throughout the spectrum at The Castro this week. Tuesday and Wednesday, catch all three of Sergio Leone's genre-defining collaborations with Clint Eastwood. Thursday, it's the first annual Good Vibrations amateur Erotic Film Festival!!! And Friday through Sunday, it's Shock It To Me, a festival of horror of every stripe, from Hammer and Bava to The Munsters and zombies, plus "Horrifying Hosts, Gruesome Guests, Vampiric Vendors and our bloody Zombie Eating Contest!" If you're still hungry, come back on Monday night for a double feature of Lucio Fulci's The Beyond and my favorite 80's slasher, Pieces, plus a reel of rare exploitation trailers!Ontario:
Nothing to do with the season, but I never pass up a chance to encourage people to see Jacques Tati's comic masterpiece Playtime, which is screening this Saturday at the Cinematheque.
Philly:
Saturday night at the International House, a triple bill of horror movies, none of which I've ever heard of and all of which sound fucking cool: Beast of the Yellow Night, Devil Times Five and Screamers (aka Island of the Fishmen)! On Halloween night, come back for A Page of Madness, a Japanese silent horror film accompanied by a live band.Minneapolis:
Friday night, there's a preview screening of Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus at The Walker Art Center. It's members only--if you're a member, enjoy, and if you're not, consider joining. Meanwhile, at Bell Auditorium, catch the documentary The War Symphonies: Shostakovich Against Stalin. Then, on Friday, see the composer vs. Dictator battle brought to life by Ben Kingsley as he plays Shostakovich in Testimony. OK, you want some Halloween goodness? Well, you'll have to wait until November 3, but Oak Street has the Twin Cities premiere of the "seriously creepy and deeply unnerving" Head Trauma.
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Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, 10/25/06
More scary movies to be seen today. Only a few more days left till Halloween and then it's back to your regularly scheduled lack of horror-tainment. Enjoy it while you can.
AMC - Tonight at last you can watch something besides Halloween sequels, after 9:45 that is. I missed Gothika in the theaters though as I understand it I didn't miss much. Seeing Halle Berry go psycho can't be as much fun as the trip down memory lane that follows it. Lost Boys while no Near Dark does have Kiefer as a vampire and portrays them as the monstrous bloodsuckers that they are.
See, he's eating that chinese food straight out of the carton. Horrifying!
- 6:00 PM Halloween 5
- 8:00 PM Halloween: Resurrection
- 9:45 PM Gothika
- 11:45 PM The Lost Boys
Thursday, October 26, 2006
- 1:45 AM A Name for Evil
- 3:45 AM The Fly II
- 6:00 AM Island of the Burning Doomed
- 8:00 AM The Beast Must Die
- 10:00 AM The Wolf Man
- 11:30 AM Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman
- 1:00 PM House of Frankenstein
- 2:30 PM House
- 4:30 PM Puppetmaster
Sci-Fi - A "Ghost Hunters" marathon runs from 7:00-11:00 PM. My wife loves these things. I think they're hokey as hell. Your mileage may vary.
Tomorrow you can see midgets, pirates, and miners massacring their lines among other things. I'm sorry, I just can't find Warwick Davis threatening. The man was an Ewok for crying out loud. I always wanted to rent this just to see how bad it could possibly be, but there are many good movies I need to see first.
- 9:00 AM Leprechaun
- 11:00 AM Leprechaun 2
- 1:00 PM Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove
- 3:00 PM Miner's Massacre
- 5:00 PM Out for Blood
Fuse - Tonight at 8:00 PM you can see The Evil Dead. I caught the end of this at a Halloween movie festival that my university. That's all I've ever seen of this part of the series and I really need to rectify that. Tonight just may be the night!
Discuss this and other Fakery on our message boards! Continue reading Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, 10/25/06
Halloween@TFL: The A-Z Of Horror - T
This edition brought to you by the letters N, S, F and W.
T is for Tits!
Madelline Smith in The Vampire Lovers:
Barbara Crampton in Re-Animator:
Mathilda May in Lifeforce:
Anna Falchi in Cemetery Man:
Virginia Madsen in Candyman:
And Soledad Miranda in Vampyros Lesbos:
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Halloween@TFL: Terror Vision, 10/24/06
Here we are with even more brain candy for your up coming trick or treats. Granted some of it's like that candy corn that almost no one eats, but hey it's free! Have a look at what's in store for you on the tube tonight.
AMC - The only problem I have with Monsterfest is that they tend to load the good stuff really early in the morning or really late at night. If you don't have a job then that's cool I suppose, but some of us have to leave the crypt bright and early. They also play the hell out of Season of the Witch. And again that's not a bad little film, but it would have worked better if they had made the Halloween movies more of an anthology series and not brought back Michael every other time. So here's what you can expect tonight and into tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
- 4:15 PM Child's Play
- 6:00 PM Halloween III: Season of the Witch
- 8:00 PM Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
- 9:45 PM Halloween 5
- 11:45 PM Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
- 1:30 AM Child's Play
- 3:15 AM The Innocents
- 5:15 AM Rodan
- 6:45 AM Ghost Story
See I like what they're doing here. Today three Frankenstein movies, yesterday three Draculas. Themes are good. Why not do these at night though? Feh, I'm just getting old and love seeing my classics.
- 8:45 AM Frankenstein
- 10:15 AM The Bride of Frankenstein
- 11:45 AM Son of Frankenstein
- 1:45 PM The Fly II
- 4:00 PM The Lost Boys
Sci-Fi - The offering here is a bit stale, but at least they're making an effort. Tonight you get back to back Dead Like Me's starting at 8:00. At 11:00 you can watch Bride of Chucky. It's certainly my favorite of the Child's Play movies. I'll chalk that up to Ms. Tilly and her doll counterpart.
Tomorrow as part of their 13 Days of Halloween you can watch these... movies, but I can't really recommend any of them whole heartedly.
- 9:00 AM Warlock III: The End of Innocence
- 11:00 AM Warlock: The Armageddon
- 1:00 PM Voodoo Moon
- 3:00 PM Room 6
- 5:00 PM Lost Voyage
Fuse - This "musically centered" channel which ordinarily shows things like Pants Off, Dance Off is stepping up with An American Werewolf in London at 8:00 tonight. A wonderful choice and one hopes it will be shown in its entirety.
Well that's all for now. Hope you enjoy and see you tomorrow for more!
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Cruising Hollywood
Tom Cruise's publicists wish to make it known that he is lining up future film projects and that everything is fine and he's had, like 14 straight $100m domestic box office smashes and his baby is fantastic and so on. Bully for him, but the interesting bit of the story are the films that might be getting made.
Tom might be working with Spike Lee on a sci-fi type film called Selling Time, which is about a man trying to change the worst parts of his life by selling off other bits of his past. This sounds like Philip K. Dick re-written by Kaufman, which is no bad thing. The interesting thing here is that Spike Lee, after Inside Man, is doing another vaguely mainstream genre film. Is this a case of directors being able to make the 'one for the studio, one for me' idea work? Or a case of firebrand young directors getting older and just using their skills to make quality entertainment? How about a case of blatant co-option and emasculation? Don't ask me, but Inside Man is a really good heist flick and, if Mr. Cruise signs on, imagine him being intense, possibly while looking at photos of children he has forgotten he has.
Lions for Lambs tells the story of American soldiers in Afghanistan and Robert Redford is interested in directing, which means it will look nice and be tastefully done, which is possiby not what you would want in a war film. This is interesting as it marks yet another politically turned on and relevant film about American foreign policy. It seems it only takes another fucking Vietnam for film-makers to get their heads out of their popcorn boxes. I really don't want to hear any rhetoric about it not being a political film but just telling a fascinating story from a very human point of view. Not that that isn't a wonderful thing, but it's usually a euphemism for tacit acceptance of current policies. Anyway, watch for Mr. Cruise being intense, possibly while looking at a blood-stained burka.
The final possibility is called The Ha Ha which is about a Gulf War vet rendered mute by his injuries who's charged with the care of a 9-year-old whose mother goes AWOL. Again we've got some current affairs going on, but this sounds so sappy I won't spend any more time on it. Watch for Mr. Cruise being intense, possibly while staring at the Oscars.
Mock Tom all you want. Actually, there isn't a second half to that sentence.
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Halloween@TFL: The A-Z Of Horror - Q To S
Who knew there were so many letters?
Q is for Q: The Winged Serpent!
Thank you, Larry Cohen!
R is for Reaper!
The Grim Reaper invented death and pretty much had the market cornered in chopping people up with a scythe. Then death went public domain and any masked looney could muscle in on the act. The Reaper went mostly missing from our screens after that.
He seemed to appear in Peter Jackson's The Frighteners, having loads of fun eating the souls of Michael J. Fox's neighbours. But then it turned out it was just Jake Busey wearing some carpet.
It looked like he was going to make a comeback when Final Destination announced that their killer wouldn't be some masked psycho but Death itself, come to collect the lives of some mostly hot teens who had evade