The Fake Life - Love movies? We do too!

Monday, February 12, 2007

80's Retro: The Final Assault

Update!

The Dan Akroyd/Chevy Chase vehicle Spies Like Us is the next mediocre cable channel staple to go through the recycle bin. This is the kind of remake that baffles me the most. And I'm not easily baffled. Just ask my arch-nemesis, The Baffler. A movie like Spies Like Us exists solely as a showcase for the stars. It's a threadbare plot designed to move the characters from one comedic set-up to the next. Kind of like an Abbott and Costello flick. So why bother duplicating the thing without the stars? Is there really that much positive name recognition attached to Spies Like Us? If this trend continues we're going to be looking at a Borat remake in a few years, mark my words!

Hit the jump for the original article.

The 80's have been a source of retro entertainment for years now. VH-1 would be off the air if it weren't able to mine the decade's rich resources. 57% of the total content of the internet is attributed to 80's fansites and memes. Now the final assault begins on movie theaters!

First up from Moviehole.net is a proposed Weird Science remake. Now conceptually I can get behind this. The internet has become such a hub for sexually desperate young men that a flick about computer generated girlfriends seems inevitable. John Hughes was probably ahead of his time when he wrote this one back in 1985. But we all know the shine of this particular gem wasn't found in the script. It was found in Anthony Michael Hall's angry uber-nerd and Bill Paxton's angry repressed homosexual. It's gonna be hard to top that cast. They'll probably have to get some smokin hot celebrity to step in for the former Mrs. Steven Seagal to make up for the inferior comedic talents of that Mac commercial kid as Hall and Dane Cook as Paxton. I'm guessing they'll use one of the Simpson sisters.

Moviehole also tells us that Warners is threatening us with a veritable carpet bombing of DTV sequels to 80's hits. Rumor has it they're talking about a Gremlins 3, which I can get behind. This one would end up using CGI instead of puppets. Well, duh. Also on slate are sequels to New Jack City and The Lost Boys (which I could have sworn was just released last year). And if that isn't enough to satiate your inner child, Goonies 2: For The Love Of Chunk is being talked about maybe possibly happening sometime. They think.

And now for the finishing blow. An oily roundhouse kick to the nuts guaranteed to rattle your skull. DTV action star, producer and destroyer of worlds Dolph Lundgren wants to get all the guys back together for a new action movie. andPOP.com quotes Drago thusly:

"You know, I was thinking today, it would be great to make a movie with the 80s action rat pack- Jean Claude and a few others. There are issues with schedules and age and so on, but maybe I'll be the one to make it happen. I was talking to Chuck Norris' people about doing something with him, maybe an action comedy?"

You know, if any one of these meatheads can make this happen, it's Dolph. Joke all you want, but the guy has become a pretty successful producer in the ever expanding video market. Throw Steven Seagal into the mix, get Frank Stallone to record the theme song and you've got an old fashioned action movie that'll really put hair on your chest.